James quotes from Big Time Rush

Carlos

Life's funny, you know? One day, you're hockey players...then you're a pop band.

Logan

Then...blognappers.

James

Why does he think we're phonies, hm? HE SHOULD LIKE US!

Kendall

Why WOULD he like us?! 'Cause I gotta be honest: I don't like us right now! Worse than that, since when did we start caring about what people think about us? It's what we think about ourselves that matters.

Kendall

I cannot believe we can't get rid of Gustavo.

Logan

Yeah, well, I can't believe we can't get rid of a ghost.

You believe in ghosts?

Logan

I believe in the doo-doos in my pants. (Kendall and James make disgusted faces)

[running by yelling] GHOOOST!!!

James

We haven't failed this bad since we lost to Duluth East in hockey eight-one.

Carlos

Right, that was the game Kendall and I got ejected from for unsportsmanlike mooning.

Kendall

Wait a minute, that's it!

James

We should moon Gustavo and the ghost?

Kendall

No, we beat Duluth East in the finals later because we were all back on the ice--together.

As a team.

Carlos

Right! We're gonna team moon them!

Kendall

Close we're gonna team up

James

So how 'bout this one.

(singing) Please don't stay another moment. We don't wanna hear more words spoken. Walk out through the door, OH LOOK, IT'S OPEN! And you snore in the dark and it's freakin' us out. (Gustavo shuts off the game)

James

Bad right?

Kendall

Terrible. (to Gustavo) You know you should probily go back to the mansion and write a new song.

James

A better song for the album. (James picks up some fish sticks and Kendall picks up a suitcase).

Gustavo

Nah, let's go with yours. (James and Kendall lower their things. Gustavo starts the game) I'm skiing down the Alps.

James

Except...I spent so much time helping Logan...I never got a chance to ask anybody to the dance.

Uh, no...you asked me.

Uh no, he asked me.

No, he hit me with a flying dance disk!

NO, HE ASKED ME!

James

Oh...maybe I did ask a few girls out. (they all glare at him angrily) Ladies! I'm a, i'm a go get some punch, you want- (they get riled and chase him out of the room while yelling) UAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

...He'll be fine!

Kendall

Freight Train is squeezing us!

James

This is our big present?

Gustavo

CUT, cut! Will somebody please tell me why James is ORANGE?!?!?!?!

James

Actually, I'm...mangerine.

James

Knock knock.

Who's there?

James

Orange.

Orange who?

James

Orange you glad I brought enough Mangerine Action Tan Spray for EVERYBODY!!!

Big Time Rush...all alone. Nobody else! On the tallest building...in the sanseis.

Carlos

I'm afraid of heights.

Logan

I hate tall buildings.

Kendall

Nosebleed!

James

I get nauseous when I stand up! (he stands up, then faints)

Gustavo

NEXT!

They're in a magical underwater city...without girls.

Logan

Can't swim.

Kendall

Me neither.

Carlos

I'm afraid of sharks! (hides)

James

I get nauseous just drinking water! (drinks some out of a cup and faints)

Gustavo

NEXT!

Carlos

We are so dead.

James

Yep.

Kendall

Which is WHY we need to find a crazy, creative Hollywood director who will put Camille, the Jennifers, AND Jo in the video.

Logan

Oh, YEAH, like it's just gonna walk RIGHT through the front door. (BUDAH BOB enters with a plunger)

James

That could work too...

Camille

Wait...you only have a learner's permit.

Yeah, don't you need an adult in the car?

(thumping on the trunk of the car) LET ME OUT OF HERE!

WE'RE GOOD!

Guys? How much longer do I have to be in here?!

TWO MORE MONTHS!!!!!

Kendall

Don't worry. We'll figure this out. Have we ever let you down?

Gustavo

(laughs) Have they ever let me down... (Mrs. Knight and Katie shake their heads, then Kelly does) ...That's not the point. The point is, James...is NOT COMING BACK. Now, I don't care...WHAT you sing. But LOOK LIKE you're enjoying it, or I will destroy... ALL OF YOU!!!!! (brief moment of silence)

Kendall

(singing) Oh you're such a turd, oh yeah, a giant turd...

And you look like a turd, and you smell like a turd! Oh, you're such a turd...

Kelly

Well, they do seem to be enjoying it.

James

And you sme-ee-e-ee-ell... like a tu-ah-uh-urrrrrrd! (the other boys cheer and walk up to him)

Katie

I'm gonna be rich! ...I mean, hurray for friendship!

James

(as he is tied up, to Hawk) Um...are you gonna kill us?

Hawk

No; don't be stupid. (The boys sigh in relief)

James

HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLPPPP!!!!!

Carlos

Don't worry, best friends of mine! This looks like a job for... (starts to hop his chair)

Kendall

Carlos, not now!

Carlos

Yes, now! 'Cause it's time!

Kendall

Carlos!

Carlos

I can do this!

Logan

(sees the stairs sign) Carlos, you don't understand.

Carlos

No, YOU don't understand!

Kendall

Carlos, we're trying to help you!

Carlos

I'm trying to help YOU!

James

You're not looking where you're hopping!

Carlos

I can do this! IT'S TIME FOR... (tips himself in his chair down the stairs. The other three watch in disgust as noises are made)

Logan

Well...we tried to tell him. (Carlos comes back with his chair broken and the rope undone)

James

Ha! You really are a superhero!

Carlos

No...i'm a POP STAR. Who wants to rock that concert, get our album released, and get chased by lots of girls.

Kendall

Then UNTIE US! (Carlos runs to the other three)