Griffin quotes from Big Time Rush

Now, since it's Christmas Eve, I'm off to the office to fire some people.

So you got rid of Kendall (pressed the speaker) My money was on Logan.

Logan

(irritated) WHY DOES EVERYONE KEEP SAYING THAT?

Gustavo

(In the bad boy off, where Kendall has just been wrecking Gustavo's office) (Talking about Kendall in an annoyed way) HE USED MY DESK AS A BATHROOM!!

Kendall

Bad boys go where they want.

Ooh, that's a new one.

I tell you I want a slow love song, and instead you ignore me, and give me...a hit.

Gustavo

YES! (the others cheer)

But I still want a slow love song. And put the word "baby" in it.

Mercedes

...It's my fault, Daddy. I lied to them, and I made them be my boyfriends, and then I ate terrible cookies, and then I cried, and then I helped them chimpnap Lolo, and...I love you!

Is that true? Because she lies. A lot.

So what do you say, Lolo? Do you like Big Time Rush? [everyone looks at Lolo, who, after about ten seconds, makes a fart noise.] Ooooooh, the fart noise. Sorry boys, Vampirah wins.

Mercedes

Lolo's wrong, daddy! The vampire fad has one, two years left, max. These guys' songs have infectious melodies, classic pop hooks, and Big Time Rush will crush the 6- to 16-year-old demographic, which is your core music-buying base.

Wow. Lolo, I'm transferring you to missile defense. Mercedes, you're my new hit-predicting adviser, and this way, we'll get to spend more time together. Big Time Rush wins! [everyone cheers, and Lolo somersaults while being held] Anything else for my princess?

Mercedes

Well, I never really got a chance to date Logan. [Logan panics]

Logan, you're Mercedes' new boyfriend. [Logan pushes James in front of him]

Be sure to buff out the rims. I want them to shine like a pirate's boot.

Kendall

(while he and the boys are washing a car) Not the pool, but...it's wet.

James

(throws a wet rag at Kendall furiously)

Kendall

(freezes and looks at James)

(reading a magazine and on the back is a photo from James' job)

(in the tone of the theme song but lower) Oh, uh, oh ah, oh...

WHAT?!

WHAT?!

WHAT?!

WHAT?!

Katie

WHAT?!

WHAT?! ...I mean, yeah. The Big Time Rush...is dead!

A pre-record deal, a worldwide tour, and immediate release of their album.

Gustavo

My mansion back, my studio fully restocked, and the dogs want something called, uh, "Sebastian".

Done.

Kelly

AND, I want you to go straight back to that studio, and write a hundred times, "I WILL NEVER DO THIS TO BIG TIME RUSH AGAIN"! (Griffin flees, and Kelly and Gustavo knuckle clash)

Gustavo

(panicked) Okay. The dogs...are clearly gonna get arrested. And not perform. So um, WHAT DO WE DO?!?

Kelly

We just have to ace the rest of Griffin's evaluation.

D! (Gustavo and Kelly turn to him) You just failed my secret test! (his assistant shows an iSlab with a "D" mark)

Gustavo

WHAT IS THE SECRET TEST?!?

If I told you, it wouldn't be a secret.

This just in: Big Time Rush... ROCKS!!!!!!! (AM LA's credits roll)

Yes...Big Time Rush does rock.

Gustavo

Boom!

What about us?

How about I get you all virtual offices? (an employee tosses them two pairs of 3D glasses)

SWEET!

Gustavo

Let's end it now, while it's even.

Kelly

Agreed. (they shake hands)

Here at our CMCBT GlobalNet Samuoid, we have a strict..."no pranking" policy. (Gustavo tries to talk, but his mouth is taped shut) I can't understand you, Gustavo, because your mouth is taped shut. (Gustavo mumbles again) Which is why I'm going to stay here, and help you stop your pranking ways.

Because you have no respect for each others' jobs, I'm recommending the "role reversal" method. The classy corporate exercise that teaches mutual respect.

Kelly

So all I have to do all day is write songs with the word "girl" in it and scream a lot?

Gustavo

Oh yeah, well I don't even know what she does!

Kelly

I do THIS! (slaps Gustavo in the head and the two have a slap fight)

Mandatory! The role reversal is now...mandatory.

Gustavo

Fine. (takes a binder and talks like Kelly) "Oh, Gustavo! Griffin wants his demos now! And blah, bluh, blah bluh bluh-

Kelly

(takes Gustavo's sunglasses and puts them on, then imitates him) KELLY! Go get the DOGS! I've got WORK to do! UHAHHHHHHHHH! (the two make babbling noises at each other)

See? Isn't this better?

Gustavo

And that makes 3 BTR Christmas songs. Fiji, here we come!

Except...Justin Bieber just released 50 Days of Christmas with 50 Cent. It's over eight hours long, and it's a masterpiece!

Well...Grandma may not like it, but I...love it! (the others cheer. Kelly hands him a disk which he then hands to his executive) Upload this immediately so kids can enjoy a big time Christmas all around the world. And I...will enjoy big time profits.

Snoop Dogg

I had fun, boys, but I GOT to get to my Grandmama's!

And we gotta get to Minnesota!

Kelly

Well you can all make your flights if you leave RIGHT NOW.

Gustavo

(holds up suitcases) HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!

Logan

RUN!

Kendall

RUN!

Snoop Dogg

RUN!

James

RUN!

Carlos

RUN!

RUN!!