Bob quotes from Becker

Giving a blind man a Scrabble set it cruel. It would be like buying you a fish tank. It's a total waste.

Jake Malinak

I have a fish tank and I'll tell you why: I find the sounds of the bubbles to be very relaxing.

Look, Jake--

Bob.

No, I'm telling him: You do NOT have a fish tank. What you have is a toilet that needs to be jiggled!

Jake Malinak

Reggie?

Once you started naming the fish, we just didn't have the heart to tell you.

(reading the Scrabble box) "Special Edition: Can be enjoyed by the blind and sighted alike." Okay. Bob stands corrected. Let's play, Jake.

So, a blind man playing Scrabble is wrong, but you beating a blind man at Scrabble, you have no problem with.

Exactly.

Jake Malinak

It's okay, Reg. Let the little weasel put his money where his mouth is.

Oh, yeah? Fifty bucks!

Jake Malinak

I'm in!

Wow, look at this! Each tile's marked in braille.

Wait a minute. He can tell what they are? I'm out.

Jake Malinak

Damn, I was looking forward to it. I haven't played since I was a little kid.

Really? Well, why be a bad sport? I'm back in.

There. Cat. I'm using the C at the end of your word, Jake.

Jake Malinak

Which one?

Xebec.

I still say that's not a word.

Jake Malinak

Bob, I told you. It's a antiquated tri-masted Mediterranean sailing vessel.

NONE OF THOSE ARE WORDS!

All right, smartass. It's your turn.

Read 'em and weep. J-U-G-G-S. Juggs!

Not a word.

Yes, it is! Jake's news stand! Magazines, top shelf!

Jake Malinak

Forget about it, Bob. It's a proper noun. Besides, we already let you have melons, boobs, and Hooters.

That's right, Bob. Jake's pretended to be blind all these years so he beat you at Scrabble.

It's possible.

Dr. John Becker

Scrabble with Jake?

What, you think we're taking advantage of him?

Dr. John Becker

No, I think he's taking advantage of you. He played in the National Championships like, three different times.

Excuse me?!

Jake Malinak

Well, I only won once.

Jake, you hustled us!

Dr. John Becker

Well, now technically, it's not hustling unless you were dumb enough to play for money.

I thought it was a sure thing! He's blind! I mean, the man's been throwing fish food in his toilet for the last five years!

Wow, she's so nice!

Jake Malinak

Bob, she blew you off.

Yeah, she was just letting you down easy.

That's what I mean! Usually, I just get a kick in the groin and a face-full of pepper spray!

You guys aren't gonna believe what just happened! I just came from the gym-

Jake Malinak

The gym!? I thought the judge said you couldn't go back there!

That was the old gym! Anyway, I'm standing in front of this big window, watching an abs and ass class, when suddenly, they wheel some guy by with a sheet over his head!

Jake Malinak

Was he dead?

[sarcastically] No, he was in a Halloween costume. Yeah, he was dead! Anway, the poor schmuck keeled over on the treadmill. [worried] He was in his thirties, just like me! I mean, you spend years building a life-wife, kids, career- then one day, it's over!

Jake Malinak

Well, you got nothing to worry about; you got none of those things! [cackles]

Neither do you! [Jake abruptly stops laughing]

You people have no idea what it's like to be discriminated against!

Jake Malinak

Yeah, I'm a blind black man, we just SAIL through life.

Dr. John Becker

Oh, I'm so glad to see you!

That's nice, John.

Dr. John Becker

I was talking to the cigarettes.

Becker, I just had a great idea!

Dr. John Becker

The first one's always exciting, isn't it?

I was doing some research on the internet...

Dr. John Becker

Must have come as a surprise that it's not all porn, huh?

One shock at a time.