[An old woman is sitting in a bar]
Hey, look, Beavis! It's your mom.
Where? Where?
Hanging out in bars again.
That's not my mom, Butt-head. That's Grandma.
S
What is this?
Uh ... is this cable access?
Yeah, I think it is. Cable access sucks!
They should call it cable suckcess.
Beavis Yeah, cable suckcess.
Look at this dork.
Yeah. What a dumbass.
Ooh, sexy. This band sucks.
Yeah, really. Hey Butt-head, didn't these guys play at that wedding we went to?
Yeah. Remember when you kept asking them to play Pantera?
Yeah. That was cool.
Remember when you waited in line to kiss the bride? And you tried to cop a feel?
Oh yeah.
Her dad kicked your ass.
Sugar Ray, Mean Machine
This sounds like "Wipeout".
[half-laughing] I think this is..."Butt-Wipeout". [laughs. Butt-head pretends to laugh]
Check it out, they do this really cool dance coming up here.
Oh, really? Cool. Is that it?
No, that's just hockey.
I think they're singing about a car.
See, that's pretty cool. If I had a really cool car, I'd sing about it too. Like [begins "singing"] My car is really fast!/It kicks a lotta ass!/um...It runs on gas!/I drive it on the grass!/um...
[Sugar Ray do a cheesy synchronized dance in the video]
Uh, there it is, see? Isn't that cool?
What's cool about it?
It's like, they're all doing it together. That's cool.
You think it's cool when dudes dance together, Butt-head?
Uhhhh...damn it Beavis, just shut up!
Hey, Butthead...Would you like to dance? Nananananana!
[Butt-head smacks Beavis]
Sugartooth, Sold My Fortune
Check this out, Butt-head. It starts out pretty cool, then it starts rocking more and more. [Hums along with bass line] See?
I get the point, Beavis, now will you shut up so I can hear it?
[singing along] Sold my fo-chun...Hey Butt-head, what's a fo-chun?
I think it's one of those beds that folds into a couch.
Oh yeah, it's one of those things. So like, how come he sold it?
'Cause he probably got like a big bed so he didn't need it anymore.
Oh yeah. Maybe he got tired of people crashing at his house and sleeping on it. So it's like, he sold it, and it's like, he wrote a cool song about it. Sold my fo-chun!
Yeah. And then he had a bunch of fights happen in the video.
Two people are fighting in the video
Yeah come on! You think you're bad, you wanna do something about it? Let's go!
I don't there's anybody on TV you can kick ass on, except for maybe like Urkel.
I don't know, Butt-head. Urkel's pretty big now. He's like 6'7" or something.
Suicidal Tendencies, Institutionalized
CMCyco Miko
Sometimes I try to do things, and it just doesn't work out the way I want it to...
Yeah, yeah! Sometimes I try to do things, and it doesn't work out the ways I want it to, and...
Shut up, Beavis!
CMCyco Miko
...it's like, I concentrate on it real hard, but it just doesn't work out...
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's like, people always say "Hey Beavis. Beavis, we know you've been having a lot of problems".
Shut up, Beavis!
Yeah, but it's just, I get all frustrated, and I start, like, kicking stuff and burning things, and...
Settle down, Beavis! I feel your pain.
Yeah, me too.
CMCyco Miko
...I'll figure it out myself, but they just keep bugging me...
This dude's under a lot of stress.
[ranting] Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, people say "Hey Beavis, maybe we can talk about it, you'll feel better". I say "Just leave me alone, and I'll figure it out by myself", and they keep saying "Beavis, Beavis", and like, I don't know what to do...
Come on, shut up, Beavis! About once a year they play something cool, and you have to talk through it.
Oh yeah. This is cool.
Superchunk, Package Thief
Hey Butt-head, is there a chick in this band?
Uhh, well I think that bass player has boobs.
Yeah, that's what I mean.
Well there's boobs, but I can't tell if it's a chick.
Seems like all these bands now have chick bass players
Uhh...wait a minute, that's not a chick. That's a puppet. These are all puppets!
Um...uh, yeah. Hey Butt-head, I have a puppet. Check this out. [high-pitched voice] Hello everybody! We're gonna have fun today!
Damn it Beavis, pull your pants up!
Supergrass, Caught by the Fuzz
Whoa! That looks like that dude from Planet of the Apes.
That movie kicked ass! Remember when they put those naked guys in a cage?
Yeah. Those guys were wussies.
Yeah, yeah, really. I wouldn't take that, if they did that to me, I'd be kickin' monkey ass all over the place.
Yeah. Monkeys.
You know, these guys sound pretty cool, you know, for having a monkey, you know, on guitar. I was thinking, maybe they should get a gorilla to play drums. ‘Cause, you know, you go to the zoo, and they're always playing with themselves, so maybe they could play some drums, I dunno.
Yeah, but Beavis, you play with yourself, and you can't play drums.
No way, Butt-head, I reckon I can play the drums. I could like, go, you know…parum, parum.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Beavis and Butt-Head pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.