Then, I was thinking, also, you know, if you had a monkey on drums, just one more thing about that…if you had a monkey on drums, you know, you could spank him, that's all I wanted to say. [Butt-head laughs]
The Supersuckers, Creepy Jackalope Eye
S
Is this the Monkees?
They look like butt-monkeys. Is this that episode where they go to the dude ranch?
Uhh, you're thinking of Happy Days, dumbass.
Oh yeah. Heyy, sit on it. Sit on my butt.
That reminds me of this joke. There's this dude and he like, meets this slut in a bar, and they're like, uhh, going back to her place. But then like, he, uhh, can't find his keys. But then he needs like a flashlight, and then he says, "Help me find my keys and we can drive outta here."
Um, heh. I don't get it.
She was a slut.
Oh yeah! [they both chuckle]
Hey Butt-head, is that like, from that City Slickers movie?
Oh yeah. Remember that one part where that guy like, sticks his hand up that cow's butt?
Oh yeah, yeah! And then like, he pulls out a dog, and it's all wet.
Beavis, that wasn't a dog. That was like, uhh, a big rabbit.
T
Um... is that guy dead, or is he just like, sleeping?
I don't know, but either way it's cool.
Uh... is this Real Housewives of Detroit?
[Butt-head looks at Beavis in confusion]
Uh... I think that chick in the back is dancing to a different song.
TBT'Baby
I'm having visions of how we used to hang and bang...
Hanging and banging...
TBT'Baby
How the fuck do you sposed to stack papers...
Stacking papers, you know...
[The lyrics go off-tempo]
I'm lost.
[Beavis and Butt-head are dancing]
It's so cold in the D...
Bump bump bump bump...
It's so cold in the D... uh, this is hard to dance to.
[The two pause, then resume, their dancing]
[The lyrics become increasingly off-tempo]
Something's off.
I think she was in Lion King.
Oh yeah, yeah! I like her better in this though.
Yeah. This rules!
[The two resume dancing]
It's so cold in the D...
T'Pau, Heart and Soul
Call now for live one-on-one conversations.
Yeah. Share your intimate thoughts!
A dollar ninety-five per minute.
Must be 18 or older.
Hey Beavis. If we had a dollar ninety-five , we could call and share our intimate thoughts.
Yeah. We could tell her that she sucks.
This chick's name is T'Pau.
Yeah. That's Spanish for "This sucks."
Tesla, Call It What You Want
That dude looks like Heidi Fleiss.
Oh yeah.
She's skanky.
Yeah, and she's ugly.
She's what you call fugly.
She's a fugly, skanky whore.
That wasn't very nice, Beavis.
Oh yeah. Sorry about that.
This dude's chest is about as hairless and puny as yours.
Shut up, fartcracker! I could kick this dude's ass.
You mean fartknocker, Beavis.
Oh yeah.
And, for the last time, you can't kick anybody's ass.
Yeah, yeah I can! I'm getting bigger. Like...I've been drinking milk and stuff.
Yeah right.
No really, Butt-head. I had some last week.
Yeah, but then you spit it out.
Yeah, but it was in my mouth long enough for me to, you know, get some vitamins and stuff out of it.
that dog, Old Timer
[the band are shown as workers in a hot dog stand]
I think this is that place where you get like, lemonade.
Oh yeah.
And they have a bunch of horn dogs working there.
They have horn dogs?
Yeah. You know, that's where they like, dip their wiener in the fryer.
It's like, every time I go to that damn place, like, I want to get a milkshake, they say "I'm sorry, the shake machine's broken", and I say [angry] "Dammit, it's always broken!"
[one member proceeds to deep fry two battered hot dogs]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Beavis and Butt-Head pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.