This guy always likes to show off his butt.
Yeah. And his butt sucks.
Oh yeah? How do you know?
Shut up, Butt-head! I'll kick your ass!
Wilco, Box Full of Letters
W
Um...wow. Something's different about this.
Uhh...yeah. It's like, it sounds different, and looks different than like, most other videos you see lately.
Yeah yeah. Kinda cool, yeah.
I'm hungry, Beavis. Go make some pancakes.
Come on, Butt-head, I wanna watch this.
Uhh, you can watch it later. It's gonna be on about 50 times.
Really? Well, okay. I guess I can make some pancakes. [exits the room. all further lines are yelled from the kitchen] Okay, where's the syrup?!
[calling out ] You gotta make the pancakes first, dumbass!
Um...where's the spatula?
Uhh, I think it's in my bedroom!
Oh, okay! [Beavis can be heard running]
Look under the bed!
Oh, there's the pan, too! Cool! [walks back to the kitchen, passes by Butt-head] Hey, how's it going?
Hey. Pretty good.
[hums] Dun dun da dun...[yells from the kitchen] How's that video?
It's pretty cool, now shut up and get cooking!
How much mayonnaise do I put in?
None!
One what? Okay, I'll just put one cup then. [long beat] Hey Butt-head, is there supposed to be smoke?
Uhh, I think so. [the smoke alarm goes off]
AAH! OW!!
Wilson Phillips, Release Me
Hey Beavis, you get the one in the middle.
Shut up peckerwood! She's yours.
Their parents were in the Beatles.
These chicks sound like Alvin and the Chipmunks.
Yeah, I like Theodore. He's cool.
Which one's Theodore?
He's the fat one. I bet the fat one has a big butt. "I like big butts and I will not lie! You other brothers can't deny!"
Winger, Seventeen
His teeth are whiter than white!
Yeah, they're "white"!
These guys live on the edge!
Yeah, the edge of "Wuss Cliff"!
This is Joey Buttafuoco's? theme song.
Y
Life. What a beautiful choice.
Life. It sucks! All these kids have one thing in common - they're all here because a couple people did it. [Yanni fades in on screen] Whoa, look at that, it's Geraldo!
Oh no. This is Yanni.
Come on, change it, Butt-head.
I can't believe they're even showing this.
Yeah, really.
This guy is the biggest butthole I've ever seen in my life.
Yeah. Change it, Butt-head. Come on, gimme that!
Uhh, wait a minute, I think it's about to rock. [turns the volume up as loud as it can go]
Come on, dammit Butt-head, cut it out!
No way, Beavis. You like this.
Shut up, Butt-head! No I don't! Turn it down!
Hey Beavis, did you know that this guy is your dad?
AAAAAAHHHH!!! NOOOOOO!!!!
You're a dumbass, Beavis. You just, like, believe anything anybody tells you.
Um, no. I was just kidding.
Check it out. She's leaving him because he sucks.
Yes, Owner of a Lonely Heart
Yep, that's him, officer.
Book him, Danno.
Kick him, Danno.
And punch him! He deserves it. He sucks!
We charge you with being in a sucky video for a crappy song.
Yeah, yeah. Guilty as charged!
Whoa, where are they taking him?
I think they're gonna go torture him somewhere, like, to get him to say something.
Oh yeah. You mean, like, "I'm a monkey's uncle"?
No, dumbass! Like, y'know, where the money is, or something like that.
If I was that dude, I'd just, like, kick 'em in the nads, and then like smack their heads together, then just like tear ass!
Beavis, if that was you, they'd just, like, touch you, and then you'd go "Aaaahhh!!! I'm a monkey's uncle and I put the money in my backyard!"
No sir! Buttmunch.
They're making him fight the janitor.
Fight, yeah!
If I was a janitor, I'd like, throw a bunch of sawdust with puke at him, and then I'd go "Now who's bad?"
[a man jumps off a tall building]
Whoa.
Yeah yeah, now this is gettin' good. [The man transforms into a bird] What? He turned into a bird!
If I could turn into a bird, I'd turn into a cock.
Cock-a-doodle-doo!
Yolanda Be Cool feat. DCUP, We No Speak Americano
This first part of the song sounds like the music they play at the Olive Garden.
Oh yeah, yeah. But then it kicks ass later.
Yeah. The Olive Garden kicks ass too.
Yeah, yeah. I like to go there and stuff my face with breadsticks, 'cause they're free.
If you leave that place hungry, you're just stupid.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Beavis and Butt-Head pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.