TV show quotes
This video's cool because it's like, doing something that they haven't done before.
What do you mean? Like, like, um... one of those uvulas?
Yeah. It's like, they never played a uvula under the table before.
Yeah, yeah. Whoa, check it out, Butt-head, turds! Did you see that? Turds! Turds! Turds!
Uh... where?
Um...
You know, if I was Satan, I would like, get a mountain bike.
Yeah, like a really cool skateboard.
Yeah. Then some chicks.
Yeah! That would be cool.
Oh look, it's the turds again. Turds!
Where?
Right there! He was riding around some turds, Butt-head.
Really?
They're right there on the ground! He's like, riding around some turds.
Satan always likes to have some turds by.
Yeah, yeah. He is Satan.
Jamie Walters, Hold On
I don't wanna see you...
I don't wanna see you either!
Yeah, really.
Um, change the channel, come on Butt-head, or turn it off, or something.
Uhh, there's nothing else on.
What happened to those cards?
Uhh, they're right here.
Come on, let's play another round. I wanna win my two dollars back.
Uhh, okay. This game is called "Bunghole Surprise". [shuffles the cards]
Cool!
First you take your cards, and then you, like, tell me what you have.
Um, okay. [cut back to Beavis and Butt-head. The pair have now started their card game] I have two eights, and a nine, and a three, and a chick.
Uhh, okay. Dumbass. Uhh, okay, I'm gonna, like, get five new cards. Uhh, I bet eighteen dollars. And I won. So you owe me eighteen dollars, bunghole.
No way, that's too much! I don't wanna play this anymore!
Uhh, okay. You don't wanna play, we'll just watch this video.
Ah, no! Okay, I'll play. Um...okay, eighteen dollars.
Uhh, okay. I won.
Dammit, really? How come I keep losing? I never win!
Mike Watt, Piss Bottle Man
Uhh...who is this?
His name is...I've seen this before...his name is Mike Watt. And later on, he pours a bottle of urine out the window. So don't change it yet.
Uhh, oh. Cool. [sees Watt urinating in a bottle] Is he peeing?
Yeah, yeah, he did! That's the name of this song. It's called "Piss Bottle Man".
That's pretty cool, I guess.
Later on, this guy gets abducted by aliens. Hey Butt-head, do you believe in aliens?
I believe in illegal aliens.
I believe in Mexicans.
Shut up, Beavis. You're supposed to call them "Hispandex".
You know what would be funny, if he changed his name, you know, instead of Mike Watt, he would change his last name to Hunt?
Uh...why would that be funny?
...I don't know, actually.
Dumbass.
Ween, Freedom of '76
Whoa, hey, check it out. I think that's that bell that they, like, taught us about in history class, where they like, rang it, and then put a big crack in it.
No, Beavis. You're thinking of Bible class, when they talked about how God created the butt.
Oh yeah. And then he created poop.
That's in that Doo-doo-ronemy section.
The Bible kicks ass.
Hey, check it out. It's Dean and Gene Ween.
Ween.
Ween kicks ass.
Yeah. This is kinda groovy.
[screeches] Freedom! Yeah, this is kinda groovy.
How does he do that? How does he sing all high and stuff?
Uhh, I think if you snip your nads off, it'll make you sing high like this.
Really? That's cool.
You should try it, Beavis.
Um...no, I don't think so.
Why not? Have you ever used your nads for anything?
Not really. No, I guess not.
Don't your nads just, like, get in the way all the time and hurt when they get kicked and stuff?
Yeah, I guess so.
Then why not just cut 'em off and see what happens?
Let me just wait a minute, because I might need 'em for doing it.
Beavis, that's what your wiener's for, you don't need your nads for that.
Oh yeah. Are you trying to trick me, Butt-head?
No.
Well, do you use your nads for anything?
No. [Beavis kicks Butt-head in the testicles] AAAAAAAAAUUUUHHHHHH!!! Damn it, Beavis.
See? That's what nads are for. Bunghole.
Ween, I Can't Put My Finger On It
Uhhh....hey Beavis. Do something, like, I dunno, something funny, or something.
Okay. Um...let me see. Check this out. [blows a huge raspberry]
Uhh, that was pretty cool, but you've done that before.
Shut up, Butt-head! Then you do something! You think I'm just here to entertain you?
Settle down, Beavis.
You think I'm just here for your amusement? You wanna do something about it?
Dumbass.
These dudes need to quit screwing around and get back to making sandwiches.
But it is kind of a good song, like, if you kinda listen to it for a while, it is pretty cool.
Beavis, you bunghole! Quit talking about this video and do something funny again.
Okay, check this out. [blows a huge raspberry]
That's not even funny, Beavis. You have to do it like this. [puts his finger between his lips and babbles] A-blblblblblblblblblbl.
Oh yeah.
Now see, that's cool.
Yeah, I see what you mean. Okay, check this out. [babbles] A-blblblblblblblblblbl.
Ween, Push the Little Daises
Hey Beavis, this guy sounds like you.
Shut up, fartknocker!
That dude's wearing a Yamaha.
If you think that I'm a loser...
He is a loser!
This guy sucks!
Push th' little daisies and make 'em come up!
[mocking him] Push th' little pansies and make 'em come up! Push th' little pansies and make 'em come up!
That was cool.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Beavis and Butt-Head pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
