Smart Beavis quotes from Beavis and Butt-Head

Butt-head

Whoa! Skulls are cool!

Beavis

Yeah. [closeups of eyes are shown] Eyeballs are cool. Let's try taking our eyeballs out.

Butt-head

That would be cool! I'll go get the pliers.

Beavis

Yes! Yes!

Butt-head

Oooh!

Beavis

Aaaah!

Butt-head

Ooh, baby! Do that thing you do!

Beavis

This chick is hot!

Butt-head

Yeah!

Butt-head

I'd like her music a lot better, though, if she like, didn't wear as much clothes.

Beavis

Yeah. If she was, like, completely naked, I might go out and buy the album.

Butt-head

Yeah!

Butt-head

She's got one of those ribbons that all the rock stars wear when they get an award.

Beavis

Yeah. What are those things?

Butt-head

They're, like, these ribbons that they give you when you get one of those awards for, like, being rich or something.

Beavis

Yeah. Being rich is cool!

Butt-head

If you're like, rich...

Beavis

Yeah.

Butt-head

...you can buy, like, fast cars and, like, houses and...like...ribbons.

Beavis

Yeah.

Hi. Welcome to Y2K's big fun, fun show. I'm your host, Y2K. I'd like to introduce you to today's very fun, very special guest, Baby No Money!

Beavis

Baby No Money?

Butt-head

Most rappers brag about how much money they have, but not Baby No Money. He's poor.

Beavis

Got the lowest self esteem in hip hop.

Butt-head

He got his suit at the Goodwill.

Butt-head

He's one of those guys who sings all, like, drowsy. Like he's taking sleeping pills.

Beavis

Oh, yeah yeah. Yeah, everyone sings like that. [mimicking bbno$] "Nalochalemanayaaaaa..." Yeah, sometimes I talk like that when I take a bunch of codeine cough syrup, you know? "Lafaghuphuchasomnacho..." Maybe these guys like, take cough syrup all the time and they're like, um... they're like, I don't know... what's that word when, when you take something all the time and you can't stop? It's like, um addick... addic- a dick...

Butt-head

I think the word you're looking for is "cool."

Beavis

Oh yeah yeah! Yeah, yeah my uncle is cool to crystal meth! Boy, cool can mean a lot of things, can't it.

Butt-head

The word "cool" is cool.

Butt-head

Oh no...

Beavis

What, what?

Butt-head

When I see puppets, I know what comes next. They're gonna try to teach my how to read.

Beavis

Oh God...

Butt-head

All puppets ever talk about is letters.

Beavis

Yeah, it's like after A, B, C, D, the rest is just a blur. You know?

Butt-head

You said "D." [cackles]

Beavis

You know, I used to watch that Muppet Show, but like, except for that one really hot pig, there's nothing good on it.

Butt-head

Uhhhh, oh yeah. She's what they call a PILF.

Beavis

Eh, there you go with letters again, Butt-head, come on.

Beavis

Hey, Butt-head. Is this "A Different World"?

Butt-head

Yeah. School.

Butt-head

How come they do so many videos in school?

Beavis

Yeah. That sucks.

Butt-head

If I wanted to see pictures of school, I'd go there!

Beavis

Yeah. Hey, Butt-head. You think if we went to school, we could, like, be in a video?

Butt-head

It's worth a try, Beavis.

Butt-head

Whoa! That's the most naked I've ever seen a chick on TV!

Beavis

Yeah! Yeah! Um, except for that, um, that body spray commercial they play about 60 times a day.

Butt-head

Oh yeah. Those black boxes suck.

Beavis

Whoa, is this a women in prison movie?

Butt-head

Uhh, yeah! I think so!

Beavis

All right, yeah! I'm up for this, yeah. Nothing like gettin' some nachos and sittin' back and watchin' a good old women in prison movie.

Butt-head

Yeah.

Beavis

Is this Chained Heat? What is this?

Butt-head

Uh, maybe this isn't a women in prison movie. It's like, they're singing and stuff.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah. W - what's the deal here?

Butt-head

Uh...maybe this is, like, you know, drama chicks in prison.

Beavis

Um...oh, wait a minute. Waaaaait a minute. I know what this is. This is "Cop Rock"!

Butt-head

Oh yeah. "Cop Rock" sucks.

Beavis

Yeah, that show would've been better if there was, like, you know, more fights and brutality and stuff like that.

Butt-head

Yeah.

Beavis

So it's just like, you know, "Cop", but without the "Rock"? You know, they're just, like, "Cop." It - it was just "Cop."

Butt-head

Yeah. Could be a show about people copping a feel.

Beavis

Yeah! I'd tune in to that, yeah.

Beavis

Hey Butt-head. She wants it.

Butt-head

Yeah. And I'm gonna give it to her.

Beavis

Billy Gibbons has a long beard.

Butt-head

Do you think he has a long johnson?

Beavis

Does he have a Don Johnson??

Butt-head

Yeah. Don Johnson is married to that chick.