Back at the Barnyard · Season 1
Excuse me, distinguished guests, may I have everyone's attention? It is that special time at the Truffle Bucket when we all play our favorite game.
[singing to Pop Goes the Weasel] All around the Truffle Cafe, the people don't suspect it, but due to their delighted surprise, pop! [Otis pushes a button, catapulting all the humans out of the barn] They're ejected!
I just got a letter saying the Max Fripplehoot is coming here tonight!
[The animals gasp.]
The founder of of T.G.B. Fripplehoot's?
I love the theme song! It's your birthday, make a mess, it's your birth-- [anguished] The birthday song has driven all other songs from my brain!
Everyone, I thought you'd like to know that, well, how can I put this? I quit!
[The animals gasp.]
You can't quit! What do you mean, you quit?
Oh, look, Grammy's pies used to be about friendship and all the good times we had together. Now, it's all about, "Money, money, money! What can I buy, what can I buy?"
And?
Well, look around! Duke's a mummy dog, Freddy's a complete whackjob--
BIRTHDAY!
The restaurant is sucking the fun out of our lives, you know? And I'm through with it, I'm gone, goodbye! [leaves the barn]
Well, so much for buying my own Italian soccer team.
[Pig is crying that his Grammy's truffle pie recipe is being sold to Max Fripplehoot.]
Okay, look on the bright side, alright? You can still make the pies for us.
Uh, that's a big negatory. You see, once you sign this contract, the recipe is mine. You can never make these pies again.
Never-- make pies-- again?
[Otis imagines himself and the gang in a cloudy heaven on floating pies.]
Hey! What in the name of canned ham are you all staring into space for?
Sorry, Fripplehoot, the pie's not for sale.
[The animals gasp.]
What the--
We have something that's worth more than a million bajillion dollars.
A zillion krajillion dollars?
No, our Sunday pie brunches. And we wouldn't give them up for anything.
[flabbergasted] Why, I-- This is outrageous! You'll hear from my lawyers, and by the way, those are the ugliest animal costumes I've ever--[Otis ejects him from the barn] seeeeeeeeeeeeen--!
[Otis, Pip and Pig meet a chimpanzee named Bingo, who came from a rocket]
Oh, yeah. It's a rich full life. The name's Bingo, test chimp #657. Lemme get this straight. Uhh, there's no one around here but us animals?
Yep. The farmer is at his sister's house in Pacoima. So just us.
Sweet!
[Moments later, Bingo finishes fixing the rocket]
What do you think, Otis? She's all repaired and ready to go.
Whoa, no way! Otis can't fly this thing; he can barely drive a stick.
Pip, relax. It's just a simulated flight. I mean, you know, Bingo wouldn't put his top test cow in any kind of danger.
Simulated. Yeah, you took these words right out of my mouth. [takes a control device from his spacesuit] Oh, oh, oh, and by the way, one little thing. It's not! [presses a button, trapping Otis and Pip inside the rocket]
What? Hey, what's going on? We're trapped!
That's right, cud boy, I'm sending you into orbit. Of course, there's no biggie for someone with your vast space experience.
Ground Control to Major Monkey. He lied!
We were nice to you. We said you could stay with us and some of us licked you. Why are you doing this?
Because I spent my whole life taking orders from humans. And I'm not about to start taking them from a cow. Any-moo, ten, nine, other numbers, blast off! [presses another button on the control device and the rocket lifts off, causing Otis and Pip to scream] [hooting] That's the last time we're ever going to hear from Otis the Daring Space Cow.
[Abby and the others run over to him]
Bingo, what's going on?
What happened to Otis and Pip?
I sent your leader and his little-rat friend on a one-way trip. You're all taking orders from me now.
[In space, the rocket orbits above Earth]
I can't believe I let that backstabbing monkey do this to us! [looks through the window] But still, it looks amazing up here.
[after Otis and Pip landed the rocket] Good job, Otis, you passed the evaluation! [laughs] You know I was just testing you, wasn't I?
Really. You know, I got a little test for you.
[Later]
[meeting his defeat] This isn't over, cow! I'll be back! You ought to wish you never had! [Pip presses the button on the control device, and the rocket launches up] Ugh! It smells like wet cow in here.
Alright, Abby, you ready for your first driving lesson?
I sure am.
Good. Now, the most important thing you wanna remember-
What's this button do? [presses the button]
Well, those are the windshield wipers.
Ooh! What's this? [honks the horn]
[irritated] Shhh, Mrs. Beady will hear you!
Can you crank the A/C? My thighs are stickin' to the seat.
Hey, what if I punch this real hard?
Don't-!
[Abby punches the dashboard, causing the airbag to inflate]
AAAH! The car's inflating its giant stink sack!
Hang on, I got it. [deflates the bag]
Okay, Otis, she's hotwired and ready to go.
Nice job, buddy. Alright, Abby. Now put 'er in reverse, and give 'er some gas.
You got it! I'll try not to hit Mrs. Beady.
See, that's great. You're already thinking defensively. That's the first sign of a good--
MRS. BEADY?!!
[The animals have crashed Mrs. Beady's car and have run away just as the police show up.]
Officer, thank goodness you're here!
Alright, hands in the air, speed racer!
But... this wasn't my fault. It was the talking barn animals.
Just calm down, sir! [speaking into his P.A.] Yeah, Gertie, I got another guest for the hoo-hoo house. Yeah, huh-huh. Real bag of pistachios. [walks up to Mrs. Beady] Okay, lady. Let's you and me take a little trip.
I'm telling you, there were barn animals in my back seat!
[guides Mrs. Beady to his car] Yeah, yeah, tell everything to the nice ice cream men.
What?! I don't like ice cream! Take your strong, firm hands off me! I want a lawyer!
[singing] Good riddance, Mrs. Beady! Good riddance, Mrs. Beady! Good riddance, Mrs. Beady-y-y-y-y-y...!
[singing] You nosy meddlesome crank!
[The animals cheer.]
This is one sweet deal. We get some much needed "us" time, and Mrs. Beady gets to make macaroni bracelets at Camp Drools-A-Lot.
[The animals laugh.]
[worried] Oh, sure. If as she doesn't mind the straitjackets, the padded cells, the burly nurses force-feeding you applesauce...
What? Freddy, what are you talking about?
And don't get me started on the shock therapy! Zzz-ding! Zzz-ding! Soup's on!
Ah, stop! What do you mean? Shock therapy? Why would anyone do that to her?
Otis, she said talking animals crashed her car. That sounds crazy to me, and I'm a talking animal.
Zzz-ding!
This is awful, and it's all our fault. Mrs. Beady may be annoying, but she's still our friend. Neighbor. Well, lady. Alright, organism. It doesn't matter! We are breaking her out of Camp Hoo-Hoo! [the other animals look disappointed] Alright, after we eat the cake.
[The animals cheer.]
Hey, Freddy, this place isn't that bad. I mean, look, there's fresh fruit and TVs in every room.
Oh, sure. First, they soften you up, then ZAP! They screw you into a light socket and use you read by! Zzz-ding!
[missing his late wife] I'm not gonna cry... Yes, I am... [bawls hysterically]
[writing personal advertisement for the Farmer] Let's see now...Gloomy farmer seeking anyone with pulse. Hmm...We should hot it up a little.
Write he's rich. The ladies love cheddar.
[writing] Rich farmer.
And he got to have muscles!
[writing] Rich, beefcakey farmer.
Yes, but don't write farmer! Write [writing] exploding lion tamer.
Even more bulky! And write that he has a pony! [writing] Has a pony...
Okay, I will read it to you. Reflag 7-star number sign glare...Man, I wish we had fingers!
I can do it. [jumps on the keyboard] There, what do you think?
[reading] Wealthy, agricultural mogul with body of a Teutonic god wants to share his heart with you.
[Everybody likes it]
I can't believe no one's responded yet.
Now, now, Otis, you can't expect a miracle to just zoom up out of nowhere.
[The Farmer's date, Ivana Sugardaddy, arrives in her car.]
[looks up into the sky with his hands out] You can't expect a plate of boneless chicken to just drop out of nowhere! ...I'M WAITING!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Back at the Barnyard pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
