Back at the Barnyard · Season 1
You'd better watch out. That's Chubs Malone, the top boss of the gopher underground. He plays for keeps.
I thought Tony Twocheeks was the top boss.
Not since he went on a fishing trip with Chubs, and never came back.
Oh, please. He probably just devoted his life to the open sea and married a mermaid. Happens all the time.
[After Otis loses the saloon to Chubs Malone.]
Otis, how could you?!
Yeah, you really broke the needle on the moron meter this time!
[The animals all berate Otis at once.]
You lost the saloon!
Guys, come on, please. There's no need to turn into an angry mob. Let's just line up one at a time and pummel Otis in an orderly fashion.
[doing stand-up comedy] Thank you, you are all a wonderful audience. But tell me, what is the deal with broccoflower? It is neither broccoli, nor is it a flower. What is up with that? [the gophers laugh] Thank you! Is anyone here in a relationship? It's crazy, I tell you. You know what I'm talking about? [the gophers laugh]
Um, excuse me! Yeah, yeah. Hi, um... We don't get it.
[The gophers turn to the gang, shocked and offended.]
You're gonna get it.
[Chubs snaps his fingers, and his bodyguards kick the animals out.]
From now on, this is a gophers-only club!
What gives you the right to boss us around?
My Fizzbin skills. [kisses his dice]
Oh, yeah?! Well, your... face is dumb! [Chubs throws his dice at Otis' face] Ow!
[playing Fizzbin disguised as a German woman] Fräulein needs a new pair of lederhosen!
[Otis emerges from the barn, disguised as Bigfoot, making grunting noises.]
Bigfoot!
Oh, you're mine, buddy. [blows a tranquilizer dart into Otis]
[groans] Moo. [passes out]
Oh, yeah. Who's your daddy? Who's your daddy now, Bigfoot, huh?!
[investigates Otis] Wait a minute, this isn't Bigfoot! This is a cow dressed up to look like Bigfoot!
A shocking development. Someone has pasted fur on a cow to give him the appearance of Bigfoot! But who would pose such a cheap stunt just to get on TV?
[The TV camera focuses on Mrs. Beady.]
What? No! The cow's in league with him! He can tell you where Bigfoot is!
You're under arrest for Bigfoot fraud!
No, oh, my! [runs away screaming]
Hey! [blows a tranquilizer dart into Mrs. Beady]
[gasps] Oh, pretty colors... [passes out]
Kids, don't you know that exploding a silo in the sky, while hilarious, is one of the most dangerous pranks you could possibly do?! [in tears] I'm sorry, I'm just so proud of you right now. [his phone rings and he answers it] Hell-Otis. Oh, hey, Pip. Ah, I'm looking at it right now. Isn't it the best?
Yeah, well, it's not so great from INSIDE THE SILO!!!
[Otis listens to the animals screaming for help on the phone.]
Oh, no! Oh, kids, what did you do?!
What?!
I'm sorry, Otis! We're really sorry!
It's okay, kids. It's okay. You didn't know anyone was inside, or that the silo's inevitable crash to the ground would cause massive internal injuries to those you love.
[covering her face with steaks] Nathan, those talking animals attacked my face with bees!
That's terrible!
I know!
I was gonna eat them steaks.
We interrupt this program for a special report. Our beloved mayor has been frozen solid. He fell in the water while ice fishing. We're mayorless, people! MAYORLESS!
Nathan, are you thinking what I'm thinking?
That one day, I'll wake up screaming?
No, I'll run for mayor, and sign a decree banning those talking animals from the county... FOREVER!!!
[Mrs. Beady's campaign video.]
Ned Bovine has nice hair, and can break boards with his head. But did you know that he wants talking barnyard animals to raise your children? Nora Beady will put an end to the talking animal menace once and for all. Her secret police will lock them in circus cages and send them back to Monster Island where they belong.
I'm Nora Beady, and I'll get tough with talking animals. And I'll make you fudge!
Lies! All lies!
Dude, you need to take this fight into the gutter!
Don't do it, Otis. Don't sink to her level.
Don't worry, Abby. I won't. I'm going to go even lower!
That's my cow!
[Otis/Ned Bovine's campaign video.]
Nora Beady, your crazy eyes and ridiculous hair is not what the voters need. Why is it you can't understand this? Well, maybe it's because... YOU'RE NOT OF THIS EARTH! That's right. Nora Beady is an alien spawn from the volcanic netherworld of Planet Zorn, with mind-control fudge to harvest your precious human organs. It's time you tell the truth, Nora, or should I say... Mobile Flesh Unit Zelgrab X81?!
Paid for by the committee to crush Mrs. Beady like the alien spawn she is.
[Mrs. Beady has seen Otis' mustache fall off at the debate.]
Good people, something urgent has just come to my attention. I just discovered that my opponent, Ned Bovine, is a--
[coughs] Nutjob.
[scoffs] As I was saying...
[coughs louder]
Give me a break. You know what?
[cuckoo finger-twirl gesture] Whoooooo!
[louder] My opponent is a--
[blows raspberry]
[stammers]
[gargling water]
He's not a human being.
[noisily eating chips]
HE'S A TALKING ANIMAL!!!
So, Mr. Jinx, what's the hardest part about being a dummy?
Why don't you ask your pal, Otis? He's the biggest moron I know!
[The crowd laughs.]
[laughs, then gets confused] Huh?
But, I didn't...
Hey, Peck! Some tree fungus just called! It wants its personality back!
[The crowd laughs as Peck is shocked. A horse spits out his water.]
Why did the tubby, disgusting loser cross the road? To get away from Pig!
[The crowd laughs while Pig shows offense.]
Freddy, what's the big idea?! You could've killed me!
It wasn't me! Mr. Jinx did it!
Oh, really? Interesting. Well, perhaps Mr. Jinx would like to meet my hoof puppet, Señor Popo. [high-pitched voice] Hi, I'm Señor Popo, and if you ever throw an anvil at Otis' head again, he'll mess you up!
[gasps] Otis, your hoof puppet has a mind of its own too!
[growls]
Relax, Freddy. You're our friend, and nothing will ever change that. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go vote on whether or not to banish you from the barnyard forever.
Termites?!
They were controlling the dummy all along!
But why, termites? What'd we ever do to you?
Hello?! The tree you made the dummy from was our home! When you destroyed it, we vowed vengeance!
Awkward! Still, did you have to go on a psychopathic rampage? That is so inappropriate.
Yeeaah, you're right. We went too far, but you know.
[doing stand-up comedy] So the platypus says, "At these prices, you won't get many more!"
[The others laugh.]
Boy, these earplugs are great! I can't hear a word he's saying.
What?!
[louder] I said, these earplugs are great!
No, I won't date your grandmother!
What?
I won't date Pig's grandma!
Thanks, I'm using a new shampoo!
What?!
I also enjoy monkeys!
Temptress, I can no longer resist your charms!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Back at the Barnyard pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
