Christine quotes from Auf Wiedersehen, Pet

Mr. Patterson?

Dennis

Yeah?

Party of ten for Swallow Tours. Are you all here? Let me have your tickets and passports, and we'll get you checked through.

Want a Playboy for your Neville?

Brenda

I'm not getting that, it's disgusting!

[Laughs] Cosmo? Ooh, I'll have that after you.

Brenda

Listen, pass us down the Nursing News. There's a really good article about... [The rest of their conversation is drowned out by the airport tannoy, and they pick magazines.]

Passengers for Flight 213 to Málaga to Gateway 2, please.

That's us!

Wayne

[To Debbie] I think it's very noble of your dad to bring you and your mum along, you know? 'Cos it'll keep him out of mischief! Listen, d'you know why? Because we're going to be sampling all that pulchritude down there. [Laughs.]

Neville

There'll not be much of that, man. The tourist season's well finished.

Oz

There'll be enough, divvn't you worry. Anyway, with a bit of luck, we'll have sorted summat out before we land.

Wayne

'Ere! Are you trying to tell me, right, that on this charter tour, there ain't gonna be a surplus of salesgirls, secretaries, hairdressers, the lot, eh? I tell you, we'll be well locked off before we've even landed, son!

[At the check-in line] Check-in over here, Mr. Patterson. [The group join the check-in line. In front of them is a large group of pensioners.]

Wayne

Hold on, what's all this lot, then?

It's the Spennymoor & District Senior Citizens Society. They go every year. You were lucky to get those seats! [Wayne's face falls.]

Neville

I wouldn't waste any time, Wayne. I'd steam in now! [Cockney accent] Get it all locked off, son! [Laughs.]

We're not saying anything.

All we want to do, love, is clear the air. I mean, all this must be very embarrasing for you back home. Is it?

No. What's embarrassing is having to answer questions from people like you. Now, look, we didn't invite you in here, and we'd be very obliged if you'd kindly leave. [Dennis and Neville enter the villa.]

Dennis

Who the hell are you?

[Gets out of the armchair] It's all right, it's all right. Press.

Dennis

No, it's not all right! What are you doing here?

Neville

[To Brenda and Christine] Have they been asking you questions?

Brenda

We didn't tell them anything, Neville.

Neville Hope and Dennis Patterson. Is that right?

Neville

It's about the only thing you blokes have got right.

Oh, smarten up, son. We know you're not villains.

As we were saying to your ladies, all we want to do is clear the air, get at the truth.

Neville

Oh, howay, we might as well. Gan on, tell 'em, Dennis.

Dennis

Alright, I am Dennis Patterson, this is Neville Hope. We're brickies, we're from Newcastle and we're here on holiday. That's it. Come on. [Motions for the journalists to leave.]

And what about the rest of the gang?

Dennis

They're all bricklayers too. We met out in Germany a few years back, and er, this is like a reunion, innit?

Neville

Yeah.

Right, we'll need names and home addresses so the London desk can check out their backgrounds.

Dennis

Well, some of these addresses might be a bit vague. Let's see... There's erm, Mr. Osbourne, Mr. Taylor, Mr. Norris, Mr. Busbridge, and, er... what's the name of your mate, Nev, with the spotty face?

[Looking at a couple of samples] Which one do you think, Chris?

Well, it is your villa, after all, Vicky.

Oh, I know, but you've got a flair for this sort of thing, an' that's what I wanted you to come.

Es doble mas caro que éste. (That one costs twice as much as the other.)

What's he sayin'?

He says that one's twice as expensive as that. [Pointing to the two samples]

Dennis

[Motioning behind him] There's plenty more to choose from, yer kna.

No, no. Me mind's made up. It's between these two.

Well, if it was up to me, I would go for this one - the more traditional design. But that is the expensive one.

Oh, I'm not bothered about that, I mean, it's Ally's money.

Dennis

That's the one, then, is it?

Aye, I'm adamant. I'll have that one. [Points to her choice.]

Dennis

Right. I'll do the business, okay. [Dennis goes inside with the salesman.]

[Looking at more samples] I wonder if I should tile the barbecue area. What do you think?

Hmm? Oh, I don't know, Vicky. I really don't know. [Sits on a bench] But I'm sure the villa is going to be absolutely exquisite once it's finished.

[Unenthusiastically] Hmmm... [Sits next to Christine]

[Picking up on this...] You don't sound very enthusiastic.

Oh, it'd be all right if it was just for the odd week.

What d'you mean?

Oh, Chris, I've got nobody to confide in. That's why I'm pleased you're here. I mean, Ally never tells me anythin', but even I can put 2 and 2 together. He's been really tetchy recently, an' there's been all these late night phone calls, and now his solicitor's turned up. You can bet Hallwood's not down here for a tan.

What are you saying, Vicky?

I'm sayin' we might be down here for good.

Oh? Well, if it does come to that, there are worse places to live.

Ah, I kna it's got everything, I mean, the climate and the Mediterranean, an' we get all English television flown over on video. But... Chris, I'd die if I thought I was never goin' to see Newcastle again!