Lucille quotes from Arrested Development

Lindsay

Oh, hi, Mom. I have the afternoon free.

Really? Did "nothing" cancel?

She'd love to get at me any way she could. That's why she's been flirting with Gob. She's trying to prove that she's closer to my children than I am, but the joke's on her, because she doesn't know how little I care for Gob.

Michael

I think that makes the joke on Gob.

Tobias

You know, mother Lucille, there's a psychological concept known as denial that I believe you're evincing. It's when a thought is so hateful that the mind literally rejects it.

You are a worse psychiatrist than you are a son-in-law, and you will never get work as an actor because you have no talent.

Tobias

Well, if she's not going to say anything, I certainly can't help her.

Excuse me, are you the Bluths?

Not Doctor Wordsmith. How's my son?

He's going to be all right.

Oscar

Oh, thank God.

Lindsay

Finally, some good news from this guy.

George Michael

There's no other way to take that.

That's a great attitude. I gotta tell you, if I was given this news, I don't know if I would take it this well.

But... you said he was alright.

Yes. He's lost his left hand, so he's going to be all right.

You son of a bitch. I hate this doctor!

Lindsay

Oh, God. Not that "I'm in love with my mother" dance thing. I'm so glad there wasn't one of those for daddies and daughters.

Of course they have father-daughter dances.

Lindsay

They do? He never took me?

It was before we did your nose. Toodle-oo.

My baby is sick, but Mother is here to nurse you.

Michael

Well, now I'm a little sicker.

Oh, please. I've been drinking since before you were born. So if alcohol's the reason I'm here, I got news for you, bub. It's the only reason you're here, too.

Michael

Hey, look at that. You're mean sober, too.

Michael

Can't a guy call his mother pretty without it seeming strange?

Buster

Amen. And how about that little piece of tail on her? Cute!

Michael

I've opened a door here that I regret.

Oh, he's just talking about his stupid turtle.

Buster

She has a name, Mother, and it's Mother.

And that goes into storage, right? Not into your apartment.

Que?

[to Michael] What's Spanish for "I know you speak English"?

I just pray it's one of those things where he's unconscious through the whole trial and when he wakes up he gets BIG toy!

Michael

Did you do this, Mom? Did you put one of your own sons in a coma so he wouldn't testify?

Michael, how dare you! Although the thought did cross my mind.

Buster, you look different.

Buster

Yes, I've been with a black woman.