[Archer has drunk an entire bottle of scotch]
That was a gift to my grandfather! From Frank! SINATRA!
Which makes me feel even more terrible, since I'm going to puke it back up in five-- [burps] one minutes...
S3 E11Skin Game
Is anybody gonna ask how and why I knew to show up here?
Is...? Okay, I'll bite.
By tracking the satellite signal from Katya's internal hard drive, which Doctor Dipshit over there bought from the KGB.
Krieger!
Yeah, but... the savings.
Like, eighty bucks you saved.
S3 E12Space Race: Part I
Uhhh ... SMOKEBOMB! [runs away]
[Archer holding baseball mitt up, as ball slowly floats back to him]
Fuck you, space.
Happy, Cyril?! You just destroyed Alderaan!
Are you trying to get my mother into the Million-Mile-High Club?
S3 E13Space Race: Part II
KKellogg
What's taking so long?!
HDHorizon Drone
Couple things. One, I didn't invent whatever this door's made of, which is apparently some alloy of adamantium and mithril. And two, not really liking your tone!
Holy crapsnack, how is this gonna get—
Don't, don't you say it.
Any worse, is what I was gonna say.
[annoyed and sarcastic] Really?
[serious] Yes.
HSHorizon scientist
I heard him tell you to do it.
KKellogg
And I'm telling you to do it.
HSHorizon scientist
And I'm telling you that I didn't sign up for Animal Farm in space!
[in hiding with Lana and Cyril] Wait, there are animals?
No, Animal Farm.
How do you not get that?
Cyril, I know what an animal farm is.
Not an animal farm—
Maybe we can, I don't know, stampede a flock of goats down the hall.
Animal Farm is a book.
No, it isn't, Lana! It's an allegorical novella about Stalinism by George Orwell! And spoiler alert: IT SUCKS! [Guns are pointed at them by Kellogg and the scientist] Although, I was talking about an actual animal farm. So... never mind.
S4 E1Fugue and Riffs
Speaking of, you see the bulge on that towel boy? Man, if I was you, I'd be in this spa 25/8.
Yeah, but then I wouldn't get to hang out with everybody at work.
You hate everybody at work.
I know. It's the only thing that gets me out of bed every morning.
I want it on record that I think this is a terrible plan.
Duly noted and disregarded. And I expect you to be totally convincing.
As the damsel in distress? Have you ever met a woman less damsely?
...Pam.
Sour mix? In a margarita? What is this, Auschwitz?
I'm off for a seaweed wrap.
[Under his breath] I didn't know they made sushi with dried clams.
Oh, Ron, thank you for coming so quickly.
Phrasing! First! Boom!
S4 E2The Wind Cries Mary
This is Rodney, he's the new... whatever... gun librarian.
Armory supervisor!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Archer pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.