Trexler quotes from Archer

Barry, you ass, for the love of all that's green - drive me and Rabbert to the lettuce store.

[after Archer hits a polo ball out the window] God, you're a natural! Bet it's all that lacrosse at boarding school, no doubt.

Archer

Yeah, 13 years' worth.

13 years?! What, did she ship you off in kindergarten?! Gosh, that must've been tough.

Archer

No, I loved it. Uh... made a lot of good friends. [Quick cutaway to a young Archer sitting alone on the lacrosse field] Family, almost, is what they were.

Speaking of, how's your mother taking all this?

Archer

Oh, please. I bet she doesn't even miss me.

Malory

[drunk on Absinthe] Because he'll be back, crying for his mommy! Just like that Christmas break when I moved and forgot to give my new address to his stupid boarding school. [Cheryl gasps.] I mean, he rode the train into the city all by himself. He couldn't pick up a phone book? Nine years old, and bawling in that police station like a little girl! What's that tell you?

Cheryl

Kind of a lot, actually.

Malory

Oh, shut up. I bet you're barren.

Malory

I don't care if he's happy!

Well, that's obvious.

Malory

Meaning what exactly?!

Meaning who leaves a nine-year-old in a police station on Christmas?!

Malory

Eve! And he told you about that?

Oh, we've had such great talks.

Malory

Fire him!

Join him! Come work for me.

Malory

Have you lost your mind?!

Every time I see you.

Malory

Fire him.

Can't do it.

Malory

Can't or won't?

Either?

Get me out of here alive, and the ransom money and we'll call it even, =

Archer

Okay, you know what? [swerves] Laugh it up, laughers. Since you like jokes so goddamn much... [swerves and throws Dutch off his motorcycle] Hahahaha. Oh hey, did you hear the one about - [drives car over Dutch]

Oh my God.

Lana

Archer, wait!

Archer

Or the one about - [drives car over Dutch again]

Lana

Archer!

Archer

Or here's one! Knock knock? [drives car over Dutch again]