Trust me, you can't control a person's heart.
You can with a little thing I call a deep cycle marine battery. [pause] Or LSD.
Is that what you've been giving me?
...Yes.
I just thought they were breath strips!
“A Going Concern” · Season 2, Episode 2
In this episode: Malory Archer (9), Dr. Krieger (5), Cyril Figgis (3), Cheryl Tunt (2), Pam Poovey (1), Ray Gillette (1), Barry (1), Trexler (1)
...So don't try to do anything stupid.
I don't have to try [pause] Shit, whatever. Move. [walks away]
These are from a doctor!
So? Krieger's a doctor.
Not the medical kind!
Not even the other kind, technically.
[Krieger demonstrates the mind control chip in a rabbit]
Freaky!
You wanna know what's freaky? Guess what I already named that bunny.
Rabbert Klein?
Wow. That's... actually better.
It's all yours.
[talking about a mind control chip placed in a rabbit] Can you put it in a person's brain?
[pause] It'd suffocate...
Not the rabbit, idiot; the chip.
Oh, yes. Absolutely.
Without killing the person?
Oh. [pause] Maybe?
[Archer is explaining the plan using dolls on a floorplan of ISIS]
Why do we have so many damn dolls?
For sexual harassment complaints. So people can non-verbally indicate where stuff happened on their body.
That takes, like, one doll!
Not if there's ever a gang rape.
[Cheryl smiles and nods]
Cyril, better pill up; you're assisting Krieger with the surgery.
Why me?
You're good at math.
How's that supposed to help?
Can't hurt.
But don't touch it. Lysergic acid can be absorbed right through the skin. Even the tip of your finger can... [Krieger accidentally touches the strip] oops.
Oh, for fuck's sake, Krieger! You're about to perform brain surgery!
'Krieger: Yeah... So sooner's going to be better than later.
Okay, it's over, and... you're sure you don't wanna marry that woman?
LLen
Oh, God, no. You know what I want?
Tell me.
LLen
Some of that lettuce?
...Um... okay...
LLen
Actually can I have all of it? And the bunny attached to it? He is attached, right? Can I have the bunny and the lettuce?
Um, can we give Lenny the rabbit?
LLen
And the lettuce!
...Sure thing. Go to town.
LLen
Yeah, 'cause, you know... they're brothers.
Um. Is he always gonna be like this now because I feel bad.
Barry, you ass, for the love of all that's green - drive me and Rabbert to the lettuce store.
Hey, you idiots wanna hear my plan or not? [Silence] Alright... Suggestions.
About what?
What are we talking about... Stopping my mother from selling ISIS to ODIN!
You said you had a plan.
My plan is to crowdsource a plan!
[looking into Malory's desk, seeing it's rigged] Oh, come on! What could be so secret, she wired it up with twelve pounds of C-4? Ugh, I don't...think I even want to know. [calls Ray on his cell]
[annoyed] What?
Heh, nice. Here, take a look at this. [takes a picture of the C-4 wires] All right, which of these wires—
Blue and yellow.
The blue...you want to look at it for more than half a second?
I wired the damn thing, ass!
Well, I didn't know that, ass! [cuts the wires then opens the top drawer, pulling a memory stick out] Okay...
Oh my God.
What?
I lied. I didn't wire it.
What?!
Ba-dum-bump-ding!
You think that's funny?! [punches the drawer shut; it promptly starts vibrating] Wha—
Not compared to that.
What is that?
Oh, yeah.
No.
Yeaaaah.
No!
Not a bumblebee, is it?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Archer pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.