Aqua Teen Hunger Force · Season 5
(Meatwad answers the door and sees zombie animals) It's a reunion. Group hug.
Meatwad back away! There all zombified.
(Comes out and notices the gorilla) When did you get a gorilla?
Oh, you don't remember this guy? back in '02. I got tired of always loosing them hamsters you know. So I splurged, 'get me a gorilla'.
(Speaking in grunts and sign language) Yeah, you don't remember? Shoving me into a microwave?
(Now a zombie, Returning after sex with the zombie ape) Do I have a big smile on my face? Oh, I'll never kiss and tell...but I pounded that ape, twice...
Meatwad, back away.
[Pushes Meatwad away from Shake, into the hole in the floor]
Yeah, and bow down to the king of ape sex!
(Frylock slices off Shake's top — from the nose up — with a battle axe)
I'm sorry you had to see that, Meatwad, but in order to kill a zombie, you have to separate the brain from the spine.
(bottom portion standing up) Hey, I just heard, like, a pop, did you hear that?
Goddamn Wikipedia!
What's your point?
I never had one. And that just drives you crazy, doesn't it?
[with head sticking through arm hole, talking on phone] Well, just clamp the main artery, and I'll be there as soon as I can. [Chatter on other end] Look, it's standard brain-replacement surgery. I do them in my sleep. [Chatter] What do you mean, what am I doing? I'm getting my groove on. I have a life outside of brain surgery. That's just what I do for a living. It doesn't define me. It doesn't make me a bad surgeon. [Chatter] Oh, but furry bunny hands make me a bad surgeon? It may be weird to you, but it is my religion. [Notices Frylock staring at him, hangs up, and gets back inside the costume] What the hell do you want?
What have you done to Carl?
We've unleashed him! You know you want a piece.
A piece of what?
A piece of the animal!
The jewel is mine! (with Frylock's back jewel, rising into the air) I have the power of a thousand suns!
(Later, in a pawn shop)
I'll go twenty on this.
12–thats the best I can do.
Alright How about 20?
How about 12?
Count me here. Alright(guesses & clears his throat) Tell you what? I'll go 20.
(mocks him) Tell you what? I'll go 12.
How about that boom box back there??
That's an AM transistor radio.
But it will play cassettes right? And the MP3s?
I don't know. Yeah, it does.
You throw that in?
Okay. Sure.
YES!!! You got a deal... SUCKER!
[To Carl] Yo, chubbs! Hey, hairball!
[Puzzled] Okay? Hehe, I'm sorry, you talking to me, there?
You spin around and direct your attention to me!
You had your cholesterol checked recently? You probably got a heart condition coming on. [chuckles] Oh, yeah!
You serious?
Yes, big boy.
What, you got, uh... you got a death wish or something, there?
I'm gonna hop in my pool right now and do a few laps, and when I get out, you had better, if you know what's good for you, have a warm towel for me, hot out of the dryer, and I mean HOT! I will not say it again, so if I were you, I'd get those cottage-cheese thighs moving to the laundry room, and eat a salad once in a while. But time is money...
Time IS money! You GIVE us the money!
And my time right now is devoted to laps.
Hey, you told him, man. You TOLD him!
Yeah, I know that I did. It's just so EASY.
I'm gonna tell you Milkshake, you mouth is really writing some checks your cup can't cash.
Is that right? Well why don't you deposit this in your bank of choice!? [Shoots hole in the side of Carl's house] Boom!
No!
You take it!
The breakfast nook!
Yeah!
Ah, that was a whole Tuscan theme!
Yeah, boy, you did it, whoo! You did it!
What? You callin' me boy?
No.
Do I look like a small child to you?
No, no, of, of course not, of course not. It's a term of, of endearment. I just.. you know, like "I love you, you love me and... well, we big happy family"... p-please don't hurt me.
Yes yes, sally forth. Fetch me my floatie, knave.
Aww, yeah, boy! I mean... y-yes, sir. Yes sir, I'm doin' that.
Ah, oh! (Shake is now seen in Carl's pool) We have talked about this before. I like it at 7, this clearly says 6.8.
What's gotten into you, cup? You put fertilizer on your balls last night?
Yes...but that is none of your concern, and to clarify, you will speak when spoken to.
No I think I speak when I want, it's a free country, jack!
Oh, you like to be free, huh? Well feel free, to feel your ass burn! (fires his lasers at Carl, flying him off-screen)
(screams)
So young...so naive.
[Carl is emerging from his house, which is on fire]
Okay, I'm comin' out, I'm comin' out, please don't - (Shake fires lasers at Carl's feet, he backs off) I told you not to shoot! C'mon!
Is this a game to you?
It's not, it's not, please!
'Cause it is to me! (Shake fires his lasers at bags of take-out food Carl is holding)
(screams) Look, I ordered the Mongolian beef like you said! It was combination 79, I got the menu right here; you circled it!
And I changed MY MIND before they got here!
Look, we can reorder!
I was to receive multiple little corn-cobs, and that is NOT what I got!
That ain't necessary! (Shake shoots Carl with lasers)
(screams) Relax, okay! We... we... we... we... we can reorder!
Your time is running out my friend. Ya keep makin' mistakes, and sooner or later, I'm gonna have to put ya down.
I'm gonna catch some Z's and for your sake I hope it doesn't rain... and Carl, when I get up the sheets had better be different. Because your Lawrence Taylor linen set...is not a sexual turn-on...when I'm jerkin' off in your bed.
HE WAS A CHAMPION! (struggling in his chains)
YEAH!
You don't touch those sheets, you're gonna be pullin' back a stump!
ALL OVER YOUR PRECIOUS WATERBED!
I'm gonna get you, Cup, if it's the last thing I do!
Yes, I'm sure you will. And by 'sure' I mean, I highly doubt. (chuckles as he leaves)
(After Frylock discovers that Master Shake has his contacts)
Shake, wait. You can't overuse them. They'll do serious damage to your eyes.
Wow. You know what? (zaps Frylock) BOO-YAH! I will totally annihilate that bridge when I come to it, and, I'm not real happy about your tone right now.
(Frylock and Carl chained to the tree; after Meatwad rips out Shake's eyes)
Meatwad, did you get the key?
(shoots lasers at the tree) I got what I need, and now I'm gonna tell you what I want. (shoots lasers again) Yeah! That looked good!
Oh, Meatman... you took his friggin eyeballs out. That's intense!
Yeah, you didn't have to take his eyes out man! Damn!
(chuckling) Yeah, I did.
(Comes out and has two empty eye sockets) Okay, fools! I have re-energised, and you will be receiving the dividends of my constant laser spanking. Where are you? And I'm only going to ask that once. And my second question is, where the hell are my eyeballs?
Y'know, you oughta just go ahead and get the corrective surgery.
I heard it messes with your night vision, y'know.
I've heard good things about it, though. Think: not having to have that saline, not having to keep up with glasses...
Listen, the technology's improved: it's hard to say no to!
Ehh, it's so EXPENSIVE, though...
Yeah, but it's been going down the past couple of years. This one cousin of mine- you know Terry? He-he ain't a medical doctor- he's self-taught, though. He passes the savings onto you.
[Carl is on the phone with Markula, while Paul screams and destroys the Aqua Teens' house]
Come on man pick up the phone. [Markula doesn't answer yet] Man, pick up the freakin' phone.
[phone rings a few times before answering] Why have you disturbed my slumber at this hour?
Do you hear that? Listen...
[Screaming]
Yes, and it is beautiful.
Uh, not to me man. And I called the cops, and they uh... took one look... and kept driving.
You leave my tenant alone!
He's screaming his head off over there! I'm about to get my balls up there and uh... make it my business.
With what? You can't stop him. He will shred you like a sheet.
Yeah, he definitely has me on weight.
[Paul tears a recliner asunder]
Oh, my God...
Listen... just give him a couple days. He's going through a difficult custody battle.
Stupid bitch!
Just so you know, he's ripping all the copper out of your house, and just hauled ass down the street.
That bitch! Got the minivan and the damn convertible!
Oh, he's probably just getting some money for a fix.
[Carl and Markula are standing in front of the Aqua Teen's destroyed house]
You see that? Look at that!
See what?
THAT!
No I don't see what. Everything is fine Carl, just relax. They're only kids.
They're just- No there's one of them and he's a freaking monster!
He's not a monst- shhhhh.
I can talk when I want where I wan-
[Carl turns to see Paul standing directly behind him]
I mean uh... yeah... I don't know... uh... yeah... I was talking about this guy at work, he's a monster...
What does she even need two cars for?!
Oh, Paul, good morning, and how was your fix? Did you ride the white horse?
[to Carl] What did you do to my house?!
Carl, what did YOU do to Paul's house?
Look here! I'm getting, uh... I'm uh... I'm having a city, uh... ordinance... neighborhood watch... I'm gonna uh... make some stuff happen, and you better...
You're so mad.
You clean it up at your own pace, because I know you're big, but...
Hahahahaha! No one likes you!
I'm so pissed off!
Fryman, this could all go away if you would simply pay me for October...and YOU fix the gas leak!
I'm not fixing that gas leak for me or anyone else, you son of a bitch!
Save it Shake.
Yes, save it, for tomorrow it won't matter when we play pin the tail on the Shake, and we bob for meatballs, and then we'll play ignore the Fryman.
I'm playin' it right now.
[Markula gives Carl an invitation to his 4040th birthday party]
Lordy Lordy! Look who's turning 4040! [pause] What? You don't RSVP?
Well, you just handed this to me.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Aqua Teen Hunger Force pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
