CCarl
Uh, let's be frank, that gas leak is going to kill anyone who tries to live in here...
I'm not fixing that gas leak for you or anybody!
S5Sirens
CCarl
All right, I mean, are you dead set on that price? I mean, 20 grand a month man.
I need that money. The cost of blood is going up. I need to feed.
CCarl
Yeah, you keep throwing around words like "blood" and "feed". I mean, feed what man?
Never you mind. I've said too much already. Oh, I'm so stupid. Stupid!
[Siren song]
SSirens
69, when you eat a junk lunch
At the same time, that you get your junk munched
And givin', and gettin'
And givin', and gettin' it on
I'm givin', and gettin'
And givin', and gettin' it on
CCarl
I don't dance...unless I'm totally wasted.
Hell, let's get wasted!
[Carl gets drunk and dances and scats Led Zeppelin's "The Ocean" in order to get laid by the Sirens]
SThe Sirens
[singing] We do not like it.
That uh, That pretty much means they don't like it Carl.
CCarl
Oh, c'mon! What do I gotta do here?
Here, take this knife, slice off your nipples, and feed them to the sisters. Like grapes.
CCarl
All right. No, I'm not doing that.
Oh, c'mon man. You know you're drunk.
CCarl
Yeah, I know. [cuts off his nipples] It's a good thing too, otherwise I would totally feel this.
Do you have them? All right, now take them and throw them in the sewer.
CCarl
I thought that you said-
You thought what?! That you're stupid? You're so stupid! That's for hitting me with a battery at Schuyler's, you asshole!
CCarl
So, they don't want the nipples?
Dude, who WOULD want them? Dogs don't want them. Okay?
S5Reedickyoulus
(singing to his new pet cat, Terrence) Terrence, you have my heart. Terrence, you have my soul. Terrence, you ate a bug today, he's no longer moving. You spit him out, his shell don't taste good. But you ate part of his brain. This is home, this is Mean Street.
(grabs Terrence) It is time. (Shake leaves with Terrence to the kitchen, as the sound of a microwave turning on is heard)
A lot of time, these Korean capacitors can't take this many ohms, and then double the problems when you're trying to defrost somebody's kitty cat in there.
Someone's kitty cat? WHOSE kitty cat?
Whose do ya think?
Yours?
(picks up a cat) This is Mr. Sparkles. He is a magician and he is NOT to be touched!
Well then whose kitty cat are we talkin' here?
Well do the math. You had one, now you have none. What does that equal?
(pause) Terrence, NO!
Terrence— BOOOOM!!
Terrence! My... (sniffles) skinless love...
I am the king! (chuckles)
Oh, yeah, and the KING is going to sleep out in the yard tonight.
The grass? That is not a slumber chamber fit for a king!
He was a fine pet, good friend, and he was very cherished and...what was he?
It's a SHE, thank you, and his name was Terrence.
Oh, sorry, Meatwad, yes, SHE, and now she's gone. Her life (sniffle) snuffed out in its prime — oh, my God, what is that smell?
I'll tell you what. It's called Carl. Right there, where he dropped that deuce!
You're not gonna be able to stop him now.
What do you mean?
It's called Reedickyoulous. Ain't you never seen the ad on TV? "Hey, baby, come by to PICK you up later," only it ain't "pick" they sayin'. It's another word that sounds like "pick", but it's like an inverted p at the beginning, so, you know, it's a different word that sounds like "pick", but it ain't the word "pick". It's a different word...
I get it, I get it.
Then get it — get me one.
What does it do?
It lengthens, strengthen, hardens, girthens, straightens, satisfies, and fully pleasures your crotch.
It doesn't look safe.
It's not — they've been sued many times, but women don't get turned on by safe. They crave danger.
Yeah, they want a man who'll try anything, no matter how disreputable the company.
(Carl's Reedickyoulous is running loudly throughout)
Hey, check that out!
(Mr. Sparkles is in the microwave)
What?
Yeah, I know! You're sad about it, right?
(still can't hear) What?
Hold on. (holds up post-it reading, "Your Cat — Dead!!" Meatwad writes one saying, "It's your cat, not mine.") Mr. Sparkles! (Sparkles explodes in microwave)
What?
PMPhone message
If you experience symptoms such as gleaming feces, luminescent groin flesh, or ghosts are escaping out of your anus, please press 1.
CCarl
(talking on phone) Yeah, well, I have experienced some symptoms, yes. [Rapid chatter on other end.] No, I won't sign a release. [Chatter] Yeah, sure, a set of steak knives sound good. What's your point? [Chatter] They'll cut through a can? And then they'll cut tomato? (Walks outside) You need an address or... [Chatter] You can see me? How is that... (tranquilizer dart hits Carl in the throat, and he falls over. A helicopter flies down and a tether picks him up, the helicopter leaves).
Look at this! It's melted straight through the floor!
Don't bring that shit in my house!
The radioactive mercury isotopes are off the charts. Do you know what this means?
Yeah. It means new carpets, bitch!
Hell, yeah, it does! Gimme some!
(he has a cigarette in his mouth and ready to smoke) Let's all smoke some cigarettes to celebrate.
No, Shake! The gas leak!
All right (throws his cigarette away), MOM!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Aqua Teen Hunger Force pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.