Meatwad quotes from Aqua Teen Hunger Force

Hey, Carl.

Hey, hey, hey, just the man I wanted to see. I done heard through the grape vine that someone won a big prize recently.

Yup, I won two tickets to the Super Ball.

No, it's, it's "Bowl." It's cute that you said that 'cause you's a frickin' idiot.

Shake

I didn't leave my keys in here. Silly! Uh, this must be the wrong... PLACE!

Why do you have those oven mitts on?

Shake

I'm not touching you skin-to-skin! I mean, it's extra padding, it's for your pleasure.

I'm not entirely comfortable with the level of asbestos in these mitts.

Shake

Just take deep breaths... breathe it in and die! Give me those tickets!

Yep, Super Bowls are fun. We got braggin' rights this year. Number One.

Shake

Who?

Number One.

Shake

Who's Number One?

I don't know.

Shake

You don't know... because you went to a fucking farm, you fucking imbecile!

Shake

Get back here! You cost me my one chance! I GOT FUCKING DIABETES AND CANCER BECAUSE OF YOU!

[playing football with Meatwad] Okay, so you've got the ball. Now you wanna wrap your... uh, you know, that stretchy little, sticky thing...

[grabbing the football and pushing it into his face, distorting his features] Like dis?

No.

[with the football sitting on his head, and four "arms" of meat waving around] What about dis?

(frowning) No, not like... that, either... no...

(with the ball in his mouth) How about this?

Oh... whatever. It's... going right in the trash after this, so... uhhh... yeah, let 'er rip!

[spits out the football]

Yeah, hooray... we won! Who are you takin' to the Super Bowl?

Okay, time out here. Look, ever since my son was... never conceived since I've never had consensual sex without there being money involved, I've always thought of you as something that I could sorta... live next to... in accordance with state laws.

That's so sweet. You tryin' to say that you love me.

Whoah, let's not put people on the spot here.

[angrily] WHO ARE YOU TAKING TO THAT FRICKIN' SUPERBOWL?!

Carl, your finger!

Shake

T-this is a box. Are y'outta ya freakin' mind?! You'll get arrested!

Gentlemen, meet my new best friend... (70's disco plays) Boxy Brown.

Shake

Meet your new dead best friend.

Uh uh, fool. Step back.

You'd best listen to Boxy, now. He don't play.

Shake

Listen to what?! He's imaginary for Chri- YOU DON'T EVEN LIKE FEETBALL, I'M THE NUMBER ONE SUPER FAN!

Frylock

Gentleman, say goodbye to your old desktop! [turns on computer and it disappears]

Master Shake

Say goodbye to your new one too.

Frylock

Where did it go?! What the hell happened?!

Master Shake

Was it supposed to do that?

Frylock

Did it bust through the wall again?

Yes it did.

Frylock

No it didn't!

Do..what'd it do? Where do I go...to do the poop?

Master Shake

My pizza's here! Pizza time! Pizza time, pizza time, pizza time...

Frylock

Oh yeah, well whatcha gonna do about it?

Eat pizza. Pizza time, pizza time, pizza time!

Dang, what was that?

Boy, sure is nice not havin' Shake around.

Frylock

Yeah, it is odd that he'd go down to Guatemala to be a missionary. In fact, it's not true.

Look here, he can be down on a prom date with Santa Claus on the moon for all I care. 'Point is, I can do whatever I want with my toys.

Frylock

Pick up your toys.

... Shut up.

Look here, you want your blue jean ad?

Master Shake

More than anything.

Frylock

A "blue jean ad?!" Look Shake, a lotta times the media tries to present an image that isn't exactly true to life. I mean, you understand what I'm sayin', right?

Master Shake

No, I do, I do. I understand that some people - Meatwad - don't look good, and that they should hide from the cameras at all costs. It's the beautiful people that are the smart ones, and it's that very same smartness that makes them rich.

Shake, people are different all over. I mean, it's not how you look on the outside, it's what inside that counts.

Master Shake

Thank you dad. I get the message. Is that what you're tryin' ta tell 69SoFine?

Frylock

You read my e-mail?!

Master Shake

You think she gets that you're a fireman yet?

Frylock

...Well, screw you!

Master Shake

Oh, good one. Never heard that one before. Boy do I feel burned.

[to a convalescent Shake] Whoa little piggy! Have some self control. You know nothin' grosses me out more than fat people... like you.

Master Shake

I'm fat?

As hell! Have you seen yourself? I would not eat any more... 'less you gonna get rid of it, you know what I mean?

Master Shake

What do you mean?

I'm not talkin' 'bout digestion. I'm talkin' 'bout this [mimes sticking his finger down his throat]

Frylock

Meatwad, no!

We callin' in da pros now. Is your buddy out of prison yet?

Which one? 'Cause there's three.

Oh, you know which one. The guy that was in the hotel with the people...and the welding.

Oh, Terry! Yeah, yeah, he's out, but uh, part of his parole is he's not supposed ta, you know, do what he was doin'...to flesh.

Master Shake

We need him, otherwise people are gonna look at me and wonder what could have been.

All right, whatever. We'll meet at the docks at midnight. I get a 10% finder's fee. You never saw me.

Master Shake

Fine, but I'll need a receipt, 'cause this is a business expense.

(hands Shake a liquor bottle) Alright, he wants you to, uh, drink all that before you go in there.

Master Shake

Eeeeeasily done, my friend! Now you're talking my language. (points to a bedpost) What's this thing for?

Yeah, that? You bite down on, so you don't swallow your tongue.

Master Shake

(puts it in his mouth) Now?

(amused) Oh, you'll know when. I feel pretty sure of that.

Master Shake

Alright! Hello, Hollywood, let the games begin, baby!

(unsettled) Listen to that. Goodness. Boy, he's doing some work, isn't he?

Yeah.

Master Shake

(in background) I want that higher.

Yeah, he builds hot rods, mostly. Sometimes faces.

Well, we just thank you, Carl. You been real good to us.

Yeah, shut up, I need my money now.

Master Shake

Whoa! He's quick and relatively clean! Ya know, this beats the jungle surgery any day; snakes everywhere down there, you can't get rid of them.

Oh, I see he sold you on the Tijuana Supremo package.

Master Shake

Right? Ya know, initially I was skeptical, but once I saw them in his showroom...I mean, come on, you'd be a fool not to get it!

You got an assface boy! Am I right?

Frylock

Well I guess you are right.

I ain't talkin to you. I'm talkin to assface over here. What do ya think, assface?

Master Shake

How am I gonna fill the jeans if I don't have an ass?

You ain't. You need to get a job makin horror movies. Return of the Deadly Assface

Master Shake

Well fine..

Never Go Back to Assface Lake

Master Shake

Well fine, I won't do jean ads, that's simple.

Deadly Assface Lake Camp...Need to work on that one...

Master Shake

But I can do underwear right? RIGHT?!

Flip over shovel ass. You can do a hospital ad. They won't have to use make-up.

Master Shake

NO! This isn't happening!

You a sucka!