Meatwad quotes from Aqua Teen Hunger Force

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey y'all know what would be fun? If I get in that pool.

Frylock

And how long has it been since lunch?

Well... (Meatwad ponders) Six seconds.

Frylock

And I just saw you eat 40 hot dogs, didn't I?

40? No, 48.

Frylock

You have to wait twenty minutes, Meatwad.

Master Shake

Why don't we let him in now and we'll watch him cramp up and get sucked into the filter and jam it all up!

Frylock

Huh... so he's using Shake as his vessel to communicate with us.

Well, I figured that out. He done got 90 eyes and no mouth. Where else he gonna talk? Through his butt?

Frylock

Meatwad, he won't have a butt. I mean most aliens recycle their waste for fuel. [Travis starts leaking waste out of his body] Obviously, this one doesn't.

Yo! Is you the little joker that's been bringin' me sand?

Yes.

Man, what you thinkin'? Look here man, what're you, the Sandman or somethin'? C'mon, get it together boy!

But it's...for the Shorteez, ya know.

Frylock

It's for the EPA is who it's for.

What? Who said that? Man, you bring people over here. You ain't supposed to bring people over here unless they dead. Is he dead? I don't think so.

If the Shorteez can't have food, then I ain't gonna have food. You know what I'm sayin'? (he throws the sandcakes in the garbage can) I do this for the Shorteez, ya'll.

Shake

Yeah, take it to church, dump it in the collection plate. You know, you're the rudest person I know, and that's why you don't live here anymore. I--

Shake

Hey! My steak and eggs!

Frylock

Steak and eggs?!

This is for the Shorteez.

Frylock

All I got is a mug of oatmeal!

Shake

Listen, we're on a budget. What do you want me to do?

(taking Frylock's mug) Thank you very much.

Frylock

Hey, damn it! I was going to eat that.

Oh, gee whiz, I'm so sorry to inconvenience you while other people in the world don't got nothin' to eat.

Shake

Thanks for sandin' up my eggs. You know what, just take 'em...when you leave the country. I banish you forevermore!

Shake

Can someone please explain to me what happened to my duckling a l'orange?!

Frylock

We had duckling a l'orange?

Shake

You don't even know how to say it, so stop...try it once. No, forget it. You know what? You're gonna try it and then you're gonna screw the name up, and then it's gonna sound disgusting. I won't even want to eat it anymore. Thanks. Thanks for ruining my lunch, which is gone, by the way.

Frylock

Have you looked in the fridge?

Shake

[sarcastically] Oh, brainstorm! Alert the Internet, I got a genius on my hand... oh, wait a minute. It's already open, 'cause that's where I put it when it was shipped in from Alsace!

Try looking deep within your heart and ask it where it wanted that duck to go.

Shake

Down your throat, you bug-eyed freak! You know how much that duck cost?! Higher than you can count!

Frylock

I'm sorry to say this, but Shake's right Meatwad. Charity is one thing, but this is getting way out of hand! I mean, we don't have anything to eat now!

Well, I don't know about that and I...

Frylock

Don't. Say. Sand.

Don't you see Frylock? He's gonna use all that fly spit to melt down the walls of the national bank.

That's right.

He's angry at banks.

Hate the bank-- .....STUPID-ASS MEATBALL MOTHER-- I MELT THE WALLS SO I CAN GET THE MONEY!!! To keep up with the payments on this here patio furniture which by the way is broken now 'cause I broke it thank you very much. Ever seen a cow sit on a patio furniture? I ain't! Look at that umbrella, man, I ATE HALF OF IT!

Hey, Carl!

Oh, great.... you've seen me...

Hey, you wanna contribute to Sir Loin's hunger drive? We're gonna feed the shorties, y'all.

Yeah, lemme see here, I think I've got some... uhhh.... oysters over here. (Horks into the bag of food)

Oh, thank you

Be sure to thank Sir Loin for keeping me up all night!

Yeah, I'll do that. Hey, I thought that... oysters had shells.

Oh, usually, but not these. They were, uh... farm raised.... in my throat.... with cheese. Hey, you want some crabs, 'cause I've got some of them.

No, no... my bag's pretty full right now.

I don't know if they're Alaskan King, but.... they feel huge

Hey, how come the shower ain't workin'?

Shake

I don't know. Probably maybe something you did to anger God. He's angry with you all right, I remember him telling me that--

Uh-huh.

Shake

--at the Last Supper.

Uh-huh.

Shake

--Yeah, they had good fish there.

Has he learned his lesson yet? Please tell me he has, cause this is getting old over here. BLEND!

Frylock

Look, I'm sure he'll come around and...maybe even learn something. Just give it a few more hours, okay?

A few hou-?! Look here! I'm getting hungry and thirsty; usually by now, I'd be on my fifth weenie smoothie, and guess how many I've had? Zero.

Frylock

(smelling the weenies) Phew! Well, those weenies are spoiled by now, Meatwad. I mean, the fridge hasn't worked for a whole day.

Pssh, I don't keep 'em there. I age them on the windowsill, so that when they get all sticky and slimy and smelling bad, like they's rotting?

Frylock

Ugh...

...that's when they's getting good.

Frylock

Really.

Let me go off-topic here for a bit: you know how much protein's in a weenie smoothie?

Frylock

Um, no.

Zero. BLEND!

DO NOT DRINK THE CHOCOLATE MILK!!!!!!!!!!!

Frylock

AHH. Damn Meatwad, Your Grip!

Master Shake

Look, there's only one way get across this street: You close your eyes and just bolt out there with complete disregard for machine.

What if I just kept one open, and maybe tried it that way?

Master Shake

Yeah, if you think you're going to get somewhere in life by cheating.

Yeah.

Master Shake

I mean you may as well paint yourself yellow, run around like a maniac, and call yourself Banana Man, cause that's what you're doing.

This here's my road when I's in it. And I'm in it.

Frylock

Who told you that?

Master Shake.

Master Shake

Ahem?

Oh. CAPTAIN Master Shake.

Master Shake

Of?

Of Interplanetary...Traffic Safety Squad & Patrol.

Master Shake

Which units?

All units.

Master Shake

Except?

Except Jupiter and Spain, or unless otherwise noted.

Master Shake

Good! We're learning something here.

Master Shake

Now what did we learn today?

Pedestrian always has the right of way.

Master Shake

Yes! Except...

When you in the way.

Let me touch your hand.

Master Shake

I Don't know.

I'll be gentle as a lamb.

Master Shake

Fine. Not again.

(angrily) That works out with weights!

Master Shake

[Meatwad touches him] WHOA'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's over Frylock. We lost again. Just let it go and accept the truth that we is dumb... dumb as hell.

Shake

He's right for the most part. We got us a superstar. And we got two albacores that are just hangin around my neck.

Frylock

Albatrosses.

Shake

Yep. It's like the rhyme of the marinade happening all over again.