Master Shake quotes from Aqua Teen Hunger Force

He was robbing you! Was he trying to rob you?!

Frylock

No Rudy! He wasn't tryin' to rob us.

Where is my wal- (points to Master Shake) He took my wallet!

Master Shake

I got the what now? (Rudy shoots Shake with lasers) AAAHH!

Frylock

Shake? [Music is blaring loudly from a well in the Aqua Teen's front yard] Shake, what the..? Yo, Shake!

Master Shake

Hello? Is that you, Frylock?

When did we get a well?

Frylock

What are you doing down there?

Master Shake

I was just going to get some water for the village. But I must have slipped, and I blacked out. [He pokes his head out of the well] Where's the women?

Frylock

Where did this well come from?

Hey, Frylock. Where the 'hell' did we get this 'well?'

Frylock

Meatwad, you watch your mouth.

Heh, heh, heh, heh, heh.

Master Shake

C'mon. The 'Old-abandoned-well?' F.., read the press release!

Frylock

[Reading off the back of a picture of Shake] 'Man falls down 'Old-abandoned-well.'

Hey, Frylock … ass!

Frylock

Meatwad!

Master Shake

There's only a limited number of those, so, uh, put it back when you're done.

Frylock

Oh, I am done.

Master Shake

[There is a beeping noise heard from the well] And, so is my dinner.

Somethin' smells like chili!

Frylock

He's right.

Master Shake

For the first time in his mealy, friggin' little life! Turns out there's an 'old-abandoned-microwave' where I got stuck. With chili, food, couple magazines. So, call channel five, get them broads over here, and tell them about the tragedy of my trappedness. Work in to it, though. Build it up. [He goes back into the well] Hot women only!

[Holding a hose down the well] Turn this ass-monkey on, full blast!

Frylock

Will you quit sayin' ass!

I just ASSed you to do somethin' for me.

Frylock

Meatwad, you watch your mouth.

I said 'ask!' Blast-hole.

(notices the dirtfoot of the couch) Hey, who's this ol' boy?

Master Shake

Oh, that's my roomate, more like 'doom-mate'.

Frylock

That's the legendary dirt monster Dirtfoot.

Master Shake

Oh, don't even look at him.

You're kidding, the Dirtfoot.

Master Shake

Yeah, thanks for not rinsing out your dishes in the sink Dirtfoot, that's really legendary of you.

Frylock

I always thought Dirtfoot was just a hoax.

Master Shake

Oh, no, he is real.

He's very real.

Master Shake

And he likes to leave his very real, giant sock, draped over the couch like a freakin' Afgahn, so that others may enjoy the serenity, of his 2000 year old footsweat! (He kicks the couch and Dirtfoot growls at him). Let's, ah, move over here. (He leads Frylock and Meatwad to the kitchen). This guy is driving me ape shit.

Frylock

Well, why don't you just evict him? I mean, it's your well isn't it?

Master Shake

Shut up, man. (He covers Frylock's mouth and looks over at Dirtfoot). Um, because he hurts me.

Well, I always heard that Dirtfoot was kind of a...

Master Shake

Here we go. What Meatwad what.

Frylock

Well, legend says that Dirtfoot was...you know, kind of a asshole.

Master Shake

(Runs over to Dirtfoot). You see, I'm not the only one! (But then Dirtfoot gets up ans looks at him angrily). No, don't! (Dirtfoot kicks him in the stomach). It wouldn't be much of a problem except he keeps kicking in the exact same spot.

Frylock

Well, Shake, I've seen him, we got to go.

Master Shake

Okay, but before you go, please, get some chicks? I got receptio down here. (Dirtfoot kicks him of screen and the elevator closes and Frylock smiles). Why must you kick?

It's okay, Shake, because whoever you decide that you are, I still gonna love you. But just not in a gay way, because God makes all people in different sizes and shapes and problems, but he only makes the people he hates gay. That's you. You it, boy. You gay!

Master Shake

No, I'm not! You don't know me! *runs off upset*

Hey Frylock, what does that gay mean?

Shake

So, what's going on? Anything?

Livin' large, boy...

Shake

YOU... you take the handicap rail, because you... handicapped... uh, mentally.

Yeah... you a sissy.

Shake

YOU'RE THE SISSY, YOU STUPID...!

Frylock

Uh, Shake, you wanna tell me how the hell we have a $2,600 power bill?

Master Shake

No, I don't!

Frylock

What're you wearing?

Master Shake

Bling blong, baby! It represents my lifestyle and status as a street-savvy irreverent youth who lives large, yet hungers for the next level in life. You know, Boost Mobile is the premium "youth focused" communication network and instant gateway to opportunities. [chirp] That's the chirp! I gotta take this. Hey, where you at dawg?! What?! Eh, "youth focused", "youth focused"...

Shake

I want you to listen to something.

Chirp.

Shake

You hear the "chirp"? Isn't that clear?

Isn't it clear that I'm gonna just completely fuck your ass up if you don't take three steps back?

It's not, is it? You just look at me. Look at him lookin' at me-

Shake

But you can make and receive cellular calls with this! Give it to him!

Where you at, dog?

Shake

See?

I'm on my land. We're both in America, which used to be a good country, until they started lettin' people like you do whatever you want.

Hey dog, where you at?

Shake

See?

See this!

This line, here? Line of Death. You cross it, and your freedoms no longer exist. Um-kay? Have a good day.

Frylock

You whored us out to some cell phone company!

Master Shake

You say that like it's a bad thing

Frylock

It is

Master Shake

But when you do it, it's great.

Master Shake

Where you goin dog?

Frylock

Well I'm gonna...roll...with my homies...on Lakeshore. Yeah, that's right.

Master Shake

That's just where we were goin!

Frylock

And if we have time, we might even....get some hoes.

(on the roof) And snuggle with 'em and give 'em a kissy-kiss. Cuz they's good girls, even though they hoes.

Master Shake

(to boost mobile phones) Come on dogs, let's roll!

Bitches and hoes baby!

Frylock

Now Meatwad!

Uuuggh! (throws a huge boulder on the pitfall)

Master Shake

NOOOOOOO!!

Frylock

YES! Now let's go inside and get some SLEEP!

Master Shake

Well, at this point my checks have cleared, so my hands are unfortunately tied at this point. You realize I'm an action hero?! I don't have time for this crap! YES, I said crap! [Throws down the phone]

Hey, DOG! WHERE YOU AT?!

Where you at, dog?!

Master Shake

Woah! You do have molecular transporters! [The phones start hopping closer, drawing switchblades; Shake laughs nervously] Downloadable switchblades! That's a new feat-OH NO!

Hey! It's AXE Body Spray! Where are the girls?

Naw, there ain't no girls here. Can I help you, though?

[Looking uncertainly between Frylock and Meatwad] Uh, yeah. Are you the milkshake guy...?

Frylock

Uh, no. He's down there.

Gettin' his ass WHUPPED ON!

Is that gonna be long?

All NIGHT! Can I get you somethin'?

No, no, I'm good. I'm in the credits.

[reading from his prize slip] "Tonight you will get your dick ripped off." ...That doesn't sound right, does it? Here, read this.

Frylock

[reading] "Tonight you will get your dick ripped off..."

Is that a prize, or...?

Frylock

I think you might wanna go the manager about this one, Carl.

Master Shake

No, no, no, don't do that! Can't you read? He's the guy who rips it off!

[to Meatwad] Who won it little man?

'Cause someone's dick is comin' with me tonight!

Master Shake

Next door, and SHUT UP!

Frylock

Shake!

Master Shake

I'M TRYIN' TO WATCH THIS SHOW, WILL YOU SHUT THE HELL UP? GOD!

Frylock

(opens door for Rice Mascots as they leave) Goodbye!

Shake

[to Carl] Hey Carlina! Wow.

Oh yeah I get it. You knock me out, dress me like a woman and then take pictures of me. Laughs on me huh?

Frylock

Well you see Carl heh.. uh.. you're not just dressed like a woman.

Oh do go on please.

Frylock

Well, it's pretty simple really. I removed your dick so no one will have no need to remove it.

[Carl's crotch begins to bleed] So the giant blood stain is uh... is that me having my period I guess? He he.

Frylock

Could be. Or it could be just the spot where I snipped your dick off.

You're taking this pretty good, Carl. Kudos.

You think, uh, maybe I could, uh, get my dick back? Oh, wait, you know what, maybe you should keep my dick...so you could, uh, hump yourself!

Master Shake

Technically, that would not be, uh, doing yourself, just for the record.