Stan Smith quotes from American Dad!

Stan

There is a time and a place for striking.

Hayley

When management puts profits above the health and welfare of the workers who earn it for them?

Stan

What? No. When you need to destroy an organization from the inside.

Hayley

You're such a dick, Dad.

Stan

Speaking of being a dick...you're not gonna love this. [He puts a bag over Hayley's head]

Hayley

Oh, man! This bag better be reusable!

Stan

This was their last known location. They couldn't have gotten far.

Roger

That's what I thought the first time Dimitri ran away from home. Found him in a Burger King restroom three towns over. Thank God it was a glory hole hotspot. Reached out to my vast network of glory boys. Within hours I was relaxed enough to look for Dimitri on my own.

Hayley

We appreciate you listening more, Dad, but when are you gonna get your tongue reattached?

Stan

Roger won't give it back.

Roger

That's 'cause I'm still waiting for that dinner.

Steve

Roger...

Roger

All right, fine. [He pulls a Gramophone out of his butt] This is gonna take a minute, Stan.

Roger

We need to spend all day tomorrow prepping, because the debates are Thursday.

Stan

Isn't today Thursday?

Roger

If you're right -- and I'm beginning to think you are -- I slept 36 hours last night.

Roger

Rogu! Did you make that little Ricky Spanish outfit all by yourself? That is so clever! He's clearly very advanced. Some people-- HOLY SHIT!

Roger

Oh, phew. It's not blood. That's just the polymer gel from the suit's lining that gives its...you know...alien...properties.

Stan

I see. The power of the costume infected the skin suit too, so you had to strip it off completely.

Roger

[while staring at Stan's crotch] Yeah. Yeah, sure.

[points to Stan's crotch] Oooooooooooh.

Are you guys on drugs?

Roger

Very much.

Stan

Yes. An incredible amount, yes.

Stan

[Trying to save their marriage with a balloon ride] And now our last hope is a balloon shaped like my nutsack.

Francine

You wish your nutsack was as red as this.

Roger

We got to the next round? That's amazing! I wonder what I'll wear if we make it?

Stan

You'll wear nothing.

Roger

That's kind of what I was thinking, too.