Magic Man, you caused nothing but turmoil and chaos for us on Mars. We thought banishing you to this world would help you see the light of our utopian supersociety. Now tell us. What have you learned in these past 200 years?
JJake (Magic Man)
...Are you guys talkin' to me?
You know you made life on Mars a nightmare!
[Finn wakes up groaning to see Grob Gob Glob Grod and Jake in Magic Man's body]
Now we must return you to Mars, where vengeance awaits thee.
[Grob Gob Glob Grod blasts off into the sky with Jake. Finn looks at Magic Man in Jake's body]
Magic Man! [pounds him] Get up!
MMMagic Man
Did it work? Is he gone?
[flips himself back up] Hyup-hoop! They took my friend to Mars! Fly me there and help me save him!
MMMagic Man
Oh, I'm sorry, but I can't. You see? [wiggles fingers] The transfer drained me. I can probably barely float. So, I just gotta wait till they kill your friend. See ya! [floats away laughing before Finn jumps on his back]
NO!! What do you mean "kill"?!
MMMagic Man
They're gonna put him on trial for my crimes. Ain't nobody gonna pardon these crimes on my head. Not even the King of Mars! And once he's dead, my magic juice will return to my body. Flowing through me like moonlight through the ghost dance.
[squeezes Magic Man] SQUEEEEZE!!!
MMMagic Man
I wish I could help. Except I don't!
He is here somewhere, my brothers. Glob, can you see Magic Man on the sensor?
Yes, Gob. Our little brother is very close.
Okay. [flips Grob's head on the front]
GGrob
I'm gonna activate the thingy that drains his magic juice. [activates sensor]
MMMagic Man
Nahhh! My juice! [wiggles fingers] Not... flowing... right. Dream on, honey! You can't catch this! [he starts running then jumps into the air doing a continuous somersault] Magic away! Pshewww! [disappears momentarily then pops back on the ground] Whap!
GGrod
Yes, I see him as well.
[Jake begins to take a bite of his sandwich, Magic Man suddenly pops out of nowhere. He gasps]
MMMagic Man
Magic Dog! I'll take some sandwich.
You stay away from my woman... eh, my sandwich!
MMMagic Man
Hmm, yeah, I could do that. Or... wait. Wait! [conjures a small portal and takes sandwich from Jake]
[gasps] Sandwiche! Mijo! Magic Man!! My sandwich!!
MMMagic Man
That's a good-looking sandwich.
What're you gonna do with it?! Something gross?! [Magic Man breathes on the sandwich]
MMMagic Man
It's got my germs, so it's mine now.
NOOOO!! Rah!! [stretches his arms at Magic Man, he casts a spell back]
MMMagic Man
Dead arms! [Jake's arms limp on the floor; he struggles]
Give it back, you animal!
MMMagic Man
Look, if you really want your sandwich, you'll have to solve my little riddle. [punches clock, moves hands] When your face shows 7:20, when green leaves turn brown, the only way forward is down. Then you'll see, the wetter, the better.
That's not even a riddle! It's wordplay, at best!
MMMagic Man
You try and come up with something on the spot! It's hard! [makes a portal and slaps Jake's face through it] Now to savor the moment.
[he crashes backwards through the wall, falling down]
MMMagic Man
It's just you and me, baby.
MMMagic Man
[pumps oven] This is exciting!
A little sad though, right?
Your brother blowing up in space. Doesn't that mess you up?
MMMagic Man
Nothing messes me up.
I don't believe that. Like, who is Margles and why is there a picture of her on your shelf? Something there connects to who you are and your magic.
MMMagic Man
Someone shines a light into my dark wizard matter. A way to unclose the circuit of magic, madness... and sadness.
That's right! MMS runs through all magic users. I hung out with scores of them — all displaying varying degrees of magic, madness, and sadness. Studying these symptoms could lead me to their underlying cause and then I'll control the forces that hold sway over Simon.
MMMagic Man
The coconut crab who swims in your neighbor's pool at night. Maybe Simon's in there too. Who else holds their breath in there, Betty?
All magic users swim in the loomy gloom.
MMMagic Man
Margles... Open your eyes, Margles.
MMMagic Man
I'm Magic Man, and that's my sibling, Glob.
Hi. Uh, can I talk to you in a sec?
MMMagic Man
Okay, what's up? [walks over to Grob Gob Glob Grod]
That's our new planetary defense system?
MMMagic Man
Yeah, MARGLES.
Margles is your wife, dude.
MMMagic Man
My wife was taken by GOLB.
[cut to show a red pyramid-cube-shaped, four-eyed monstrous being in a black void]
MMMagic Man
This is like my tribute. I'mma install her right there on Olympus Mons so she can protect us from GOLB.
But you named her after your wife.
MMMagic Man
Yeah, but it stands for, "Magical Automated Resistance Generating Laser Energy Supplier."
MMMagic Man
Whatever, I wanted to call her MARGLES.
So... you used magic to make her, and you don't think your feelings for your lost wife might have compromised your spell programming?
MMMagic Man
No, that's crazy! Her appearance is just a symbol of Margles!
Why do I feel like this is the worst idea ever?
Adventure Time · 447 quotes
