Have a little compassion, Sally. We're healthy; we have to help him.
I say he's lame. Shoot him.
S2Guilty as Dick
[Tommy is selling chocolate door-to-door and he encounters a priest at one door]
Hi, Father, I'm selling chocolate so the high-school band can go to Washington... and learn about Christianity...so they can become priests.
[The priest closes the door in Tommy's face]
Fine then; they'll stay here in Rutherford and worship Satan!
S2A Dick on One Knee
MMichael
You see, I would like to stay very much, but your government isn't so nice.
Except for Abraham Lincoln, right?
It's what women are supposed to do; get married, have babies, hire total strangers to raise them and then wonder where they went wrong.
S2Same Old Song and Dick
You could never handle my job.
I could do it with my eyes closed!
You do everything with your eyes closed.
S2I Brake for Dick
[about August] I don't understand her.
What's to understand? Kill her and get a new one.
Oh, no, you can't do that. You've got to get a new one and then you kill her.
The Official Boy Scouts' Guidebook. Who're the Boy Scouts?
They're an elite, prepubescent, paramilitary society and I'm going to follow their ways.
But Harry, you're neither elite nor prepubescent.
All in good time, Sally... all in good time.
S2Dick Behaving Badly
[while playing Monopoly] Go to jail. Go directly to jail. Do not pass go, do not collect $200 and do not, I repeat do not drop the soap.
I'm tired of feeling like a Catholic schoolboy always getting his knuckles rapped by the nun he's dating.
[Judith and Mary during Physics party]
Men, can't live with them, [Long Pause] good night Mary. [She leaves]
S2Dickmalion
What's going on?
Oh, she's having a big affair.
What? You tramp!
Dick, it's a catered affair.
You're cheating on me and your diet?
I don't mean to panic anyone, but I'm afraid the calamari has been infested with baby squid.
So you're saying that when a 300-pound soprano and a 250-pound tenor dress in funny costumes and take 15 minutes to die, that's art. But when the Gravedigger takes on the Caped Canadian, that's trash? I'm sorry, I don't get it.
S2Sensitive Dick
Where would we be without the agitators of the world to attach the electrodes of knowledge to the nipples of ignorance?
We will now deliberate and return with a guilty verdict.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's 3rd Rock from the Sun pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.