TV show quotes
You'll only have to perform the most basic of tasks. You've sent out mail before.
Nope.
Well, you've stapled before...
I have not.
Surely you've used a paperclip.
Oh! You mean those cotton things you put in your ears?
Harry, how many fingers am I holding up?
Two!
You're hired.
Harry, did I get any phone calls?
Oh, yes, it rang repeatedly.
And... who called?
Well, I don't know, Dick, I'm not clairvoyant.
Does this mean you've come to your senses and you're going to apologize to Nina?
No, I will never come to my senses!
Sally, they want you to appear on Good Afternoon, Rutherford.
That's my second-favorite show!
What's your first-favorite?
Good Morning, Rutherford.
Can we take more than one?
Take as much as you want! Nobody's going to be at this thing.
Don't be so insensitive.
[to Dick] Yeah, shame on you!
Don, what happens to people? Are they born mad or do one day their minds just snap?
If only we knew, Sally. One minute little Johnny Normal is on his paper route and the next there's a pile of dead bank guards and Johnny is using Grandma as a human shield.
[Dick and Sally are doped out on antidepressants]
I like TV.
Me too. Let's say we turn it on. [he turns it on]
It's even better on.
Oh, Mary! I've just had one of those horrible dreams!
Well what happened?
We were getting married!
[sarcastically] Thank you...
No, that was the good part. Then, my family showed up.
Oh, don't tell me? They objected?
Well...they had issues.
It's alright. I prepared a short speech just in case they did. It's just basically two words... and one of them's "off."
[in his classroom]
Thank you Leon. You've made it all so clear! I've got to learn to let go, to move forward and focus on the thing that is most important in my life....MEEE!
Look at the bright side, Dick: with Janet out of the way, maybe you'll get another shot at Albright.
You think?
Probably no. But hey, at least there's still the three of us.
Dick [slight pause]]: Wait, didn't there used to be four of us?
Oh, yeah! Officer Don called. "Tommy's in jail."
[Brief pause.]
JAIL? [They panic and run out of the apartment.]
You idiots!
[Sally and Harry run into the police station.]
Don! Where's Tommy?
Oh, you're too late.
[Harry screams. Sally grabs Don by the throat.]
You killed Tommy?!
No, I let him go!
You let Tommy go to his death?
[Harry screams again. Tommy suddenly appears right behind him.]
Hey, Harry.
[Harry turns around and shouts again at the sight of Tommy.]
Women.
Women.
Women.
[high-pitched voice] Women!
You can't live with 'em and you can't have heterosexual sex without 'em.
That's probably true.
Women always act so adult, but just like that they'll sink all the way down to your level.
I want to make a good impression on Mary's parents.
Mary Albright‘s parents?
They're still alive?:
My God, they must be so old!
[Harry is dressed as an alien for Halloween]
Oh, Harry, you're an alien.
NO, I'M NOT! [realizing his costume] I mean, yes, I am.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's 3rd Rock from the Sun pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
