Tommy Solomon quotes from 3rd Rock from the Sun

Tommy

People change for their lovers all the time. For example, I stopped wearing Old Spice and August stopped telling me to stop wearing Old Spice.

Tommy

I've got to be in a regular school; one with metal detectors and pregnant cheerleaders.

Tommy

Excuse me, this game's not three-dimensional, is it?

Tommy

Hi, Father, I'm selling chocolate so the high-school band can go to Washington... and learn about Christianity...so they can become priests.

Tommy

Fine then; they'll stay here in Rutherford and worship Satan!

Tommy

We don't have cell phones; we're from Ohio!

Tommy

It's like watching Entertainment Tonight in Carnegie-frickin'-Hall!

Dick

Oh good you're here. Did you copy the mainframe from the library?

Tommy

Uh, I got a little distracted.

Dick

Again? What happened?

Tommy

Well, I was watching these women play volleyball. And they were all jumping. Up. And down. Up. And down. With these little shorts, and some of them can't jump as high as the others, but it's okay. I mean, it's more than okay, it's really okay. I mean--

Dick

What is wrong with you?!

Tommy

I don't know.

Dick

We can't leave without that information, so access the net, download, and go straight home as soon as you're finished.

Tommy

Why are you talking to me like I'm a child?

Dick

You are a child.

Tommy

I'm older than you.

Dick

Well, now I'm bigger. And on this planet size matters.

Tommy

Sally, you're amazing. As sick as you are, you keep taking care of us.

Sally

Yeah, I know. I don't understand. All I want to do is curl up into a ball, and yet somehow I feel compelled to nurture you. God, what a cruel disease!

Dick

You know, you have to admire these humans. Their lives are so fragile, and yet they are willing to commit to each other for a lifetime.

Sally

Or an afternoon with some petri dish in a miniskirt.

Tommy

Hey, hey! At least I'm getting some here, alright?

Tommy

[pointing to the stars] I've been there and there and there and there...

Harry

Wow. The long, boring stories you must have.

Harry

By the second day I could hear my inner voice, too.

Tommy

What was it saying?

Harry

I have no idea, I don't speak French.

August

I'm August. Don't call me "Augy".

Tommy

I'm Tommy. Don't call me "Augy" either...

Dick

I'm sure you can defeat a simple door lock.

Dick

What are you doing?! Now this is breaking and entering! It's illegal!

Tommy

What'd you expect me to do? Beam you in?

Dick

How can we honor the memory of a man like Leonard Hanlin? well......he was governed by the laws of physics as are all living things. it is a scientific fact that hearts and clocks slow down as they approach the speed of light, the point at which matter is converted into energy. Dr. Hanlin's heart approached that speed on friday evening at 7:57 according to the coroner, converting his matter into energy, into pure white light. Though he is no longer with us, he is all around us.

Mary

That was absolutely beautiful.

Tommy

Converting matter to energy?

Sally

Could you have been more trite?

Harry

Why didn't you just phone it in?

Tommy

Commander, permission to speak freely.

Dick

Granted.

Tommy

As the oldest member of this crew, I feel it's my duty to inform you all that this planet both wipes and sucks. In that order.