Dr. Mary Albright quotes from 3rd Rock from the Sun

Mary

Here's a little "gift-giving" tip: When you give someone a bouquet of flowers, that tells them "Our love goes on forever." When you give somebody an exercise video that tells them "Your ass goes on forever!"

Mary

[concerned] I think there's something wrong with Dick.

We are gathered here, before God....

Dick

Now, which one of those guys is God?

Mary

Will you be quiet?

Dick

Okay, but be sure to introduce me later, because I want some answers.

Dick

Mary, there's something I have to tell you. I come from another world.

Mary

And this is news?

Dick

Dr. Albright, have I been a perfect ass?

Mary

Aw, nobody's perfect.

Mary

I'm going to have to find someone who can translate Ukrainian.

Dick

Uh, that's not Ukrainian, that's Turkish. Look, there's a diacritical mark over the 'o'. Bunlar her zaman savaş ganimetleri doğru beni işaret edebilir.

Mary

Well, what does it mean?

Dick

May these always point me toward the spoils of war. This isn't a thimble. It's Turkish nipple armor. In fact, it's very valuable.

Mary

Especially if you have the pair!

Dick

How can we honor the memory of a man like Leonard Hanlin? well......he was governed by the laws of physics as are all living things. it is a scientific fact that hearts and clocks slow down as they approach the speed of light, the point at which matter is converted into energy. Dr. Hanlin's heart approached that speed on friday evening at 7:57 according to the coroner, converting his matter into energy, into pure white light. Though he is no longer with us, he is all around us.

Mary

That was absolutely beautiful.

Tommy

Converting matter to energy?

Sally

Could you have been more trite?

Harry

Why didn't you just phone it in?

Dick

So, no matter how obnoxious you are, how much of a burden you become, you can still count on the forgiveness of your family?

Mary

Yeah.

Dick

Even if they touch your radio and refuse to make smoked chub and disobey your orders not to kill?

Mary

Yeah... even then.

Dick

That is so beautiful!

Mary

They opened a Hard Rock Café in Vietnam. The world's changed, huh?

Dick

It certainly has. Did you know it used to be entirely covered with ice?

Mary

Did you ever drop acid?

Dick

[misunderstanding] Oh, constantly.

Mary

You did a lot of tripping?

Dick

That's how I dropped the acid.

Dick

Oh, Mary! You have to get away from here!

Mary

You want me to try to escape?

Dick

Yes!

Mary

[pretending to struggle] Oh, let me go, let me go! How's that?

Sally

The worst part is I'm still a virgin!

Mary

Oh my God, you're a virgin?

Sally

Yes, it's horrible!

Mary

No, it's perfectly all right for you to save yourself for the right man.

Sally

Like you did for Dick?

Mary

[a shocked look on her face, after a long pause] Yes.

Mary

. . . I like you Sally.

Sally

I didn't know you liked me

Mary

Well I do, you're strong, opinionated, intelligent young woman, unpredictable at time, a little scary, but hell that's you.

Sally

That is me, I like me too, but why didn't Mr. Randall?

Mary

Well he's just not the right guy for you, but you'll find someone, I mean just look at you: those legs, that hair...

Sally

Please I've been dragged through the muck enough today!

Mary

Just chop this up to experience.

Sally

Thanks Dr. Albright, you're so nice. I always thought you were such a bitch.

Mary

Oh I am. But hell, that's me.

Mary

Have a little compassion, Sally. We're healthy; we have to help him.

Sally

I say he's lame. Shoot him.

Dick

What's going on?

Nina

Oh, she's having a big affair.

Dick

What? You tramp!

Mary

Dick, it's a catered affair.

Dick

You're cheating on me and your diet?