Sally Solomon quotes from 3rd Rock from the Sun

Sally

I've seen stuff that would make your eyes burst out of your sockets and splatter against the wall... in fact, I've seen that, too.

Sally

It's what women are supposed to do; get married, have babies, hire total strangers to raise them and then wonder where they went wrong.

Sally

So you're saying that when a 300-pound soprano and a 250-pound tenor dress in funny costumes and take 15 minutes to die, that's art. But when the Gravedigger takes on the Caped Canadian, that's trash? I'm sorry, I don't get it.

Sally

I'm part of a community--a community that embraces wholesome, American values. And if you cross us... we will destroy you.

Dick

Sally, I want you to observe her, find out what women on this planet do.

Sally

Why can't Harry do it?

Dick

Because you're the woman.

Sally

That brings up a very good question: why am I the woman?

Dick

Because you lost.

Sally

Dick, women are trouble. I should know! I've been one for two weeks!

Dick

I know, which brings up another point. I command you to shave under your arms.

Sally

Doable. I'm sorry you find me so offensive (tears up)

Dick

Dammit! Pull yourself together, man! We're going out.

Sally

Ok, give me an hour.

Dick

An hour?

Sally

I got to rotate these (indicating breasts). It's a party!

Tommy

Sally, you're amazing. As sick as you are, you keep taking care of us.

Sally

Yeah, I know. I don't understand. All I want to do is curl up into a ball, and yet somehow I feel compelled to nurture you. God, what a cruel disease!

Dick

You know, you have to admire these humans. Their lives are so fragile, and yet they are willing to commit to each other for a lifetime.

Sally

Or an afternoon with some petri dish in a miniskirt.

Tommy

Hey, hey! At least I'm getting some here, alright?

Sally

You just can't imagine what it feels like, Dick. It's like he reached in... and pulled all the bones out of my body... [starts crying]

Dick

My God, what are you doing?

Sally

[wipes her tears] Apparently I'm leaking!

Dick

Well, stop!

Hey, it says "men" on the door!

Sally

And you made the cut?

Sally

How would you like your eyes in the bottom of a martini glass, 'cause I can do it?

[sounding delighted] Oh, the Amazon is going to manhandle me!

Dick

How can we honor the memory of a man like Leonard Hanlin? well......he was governed by the laws of physics as are all living things. it is a scientific fact that hearts and clocks slow down as they approach the speed of light, the point at which matter is converted into energy. Dr. Hanlin's heart approached that speed on friday evening at 7:57 according to the coroner, converting his matter into energy, into pure white light. Though he is no longer with us, he is all around us.

Mary

That was absolutely beautiful.

Tommy

Converting matter to energy?

Sally

Could you have been more trite?

Harry

Why didn't you just phone it in?

Sally

I'll give you your promotion if you don't say the word "really" in the next sixty seconds.

Harry

Really?

Sally

Wait a minute, something about this doesn't wash. She's doing something (gasps) Now I remember! I read about this. She's distorting the truth!

Dick

Dr. Albright would never lie to me.

Sally

Oh wake up and snort the coffee. (pause) Just because you don't lie doesn't mean people here don't.

Dick

We're colleagues! I trust her! I command you to be like her!

Sally

Like what?

Dick

Like a woman.

Sally

Fine! I can woman.

I don't envy you having to take care of three men; I only got Frank and he's a full-time job. Just once, I'd like to see that man pick up a sock.

Sally

I'd like to see men put their dirty dishes in the sink.

I'd like to see them do laundry.

Sally

[deadpan] I'd like to see them crammed between two steel wheels and ground into a fine paste.

[after a beat] You know, I'd like to see that myself.

Sally

You let me know.