[An Opposite Sketch. Kevin and Lisa are watching TV in the bedroom, and there are some near-erotic sounds coming from the TV, in Kevin and Lisa's voices: "Oh, Kevin!" "Oh, Lisa!" Suddenly there's a knock at the door]
Lisa, have you got that television set on in there?!
Well then, what's going on in there? I heard voices.
I've got a boy in here with me!
Well, that's okay then. Just don't let me catch you with that television set on.
Right, Mom! [To Kevin] We've got her mad now; I guess we'd better turn it off!
Just as it was getting interesting!
Listen, I know you're kind of new to this, so if you have any questions, just ask me.
Well, there is one thing I'd like to ask you.
How do they make that slime they're always dumping on you?
Oh. Well, first they take some wa-- some liquid, and then they add some flour, some Jell-O powder, sometimes some soap. Then they dump it all over me.
(looking up) Where do they dump it from?
Actually, Vanessa, I've always wondered that too. I just don't know.
(Christine is slimed.)
Very interesting. Is it always green?
Well, yeah, usually it is, but I guess it could be red,
(Christine is red slimed.)
(Christine is blue slimed.)
(Christine is yellow slimed.)
Yeah. All right, you think you're so smart, let's see stripes!
(Christine is striped slimed - green, red, blue and yellow all at once.)
(also covered in slime.) Gee, it must be tough being a TV star. By the way, how do you get this stuff out?
Well it usually washes off with water.
(Christine and Vanessa are drenched.)
All right class, for homework tonight, I want you to watch Magnum P.I., Dallas, Hill Street Blues, and Fame. All right, class dismissed.
Wow, what a lousy homework assignment.
I think it's a terrific homework assignment.
But you know I never do my homework. Now I'll have to miss my favorite TV programs.
AAnnouncer
You Can't Do That On Television can now be seen in Prime Slime Viewing Hours.
Don't you mean, "Prime Time" Viewing Hours?
[Christine is slimed]
AAnnouncer
[Laughing] Nope, I mean, "Prime Slime" Viewing Hours!
Figures. What else? ... Thanks!
Doug, did you know that ol' Barth has a contract with the producer of TV commercials?
Why would anyone give Barthy a contract?
Oh, that's easy. You see, when the producers want to make the commercial about stomach pains, ol' Barth provides the burgers to give all the actors indigestion.
Dah, I heard that! Pays good, too.
[Vanessa is watching TV.]
COCowboy on TV
Alright, pilgrim, give me your dough. Lots of it.
Mom! The pay television channel wants money again!
What, already? [She drops a few coins into the TV.] I just hope it's a good show.
All right class, now your homework assignment for tonight. I want you to watch Magnum P.I., Dallas, Hill Street Blues, and Fame. Okay, that's it. Class dismissed.
That lousy creep giving us an assignment like that. It's not fair.
I thought that was a pretty good homework assignment.
No, it wasn't, it was a lousy homework assignment.
What, watching television?
Exactly. You know I never do any of my homework. Now I'll have to miss my favorite TV shows.
