It wasn't really an 'official' fraternity. Mother sort of rented this house for a bunch of us who couldn't get in.
S4 E11You Can't Go Out of Town Again
S4 E12Pills
Andy, real speed is gone because it killed everybody. Junkies don't even want it back!
And once the Republicans got in, everyone just switched to downers!
Where do they go, anyway, Travis?
What's that, sir?
The donuts. When I eat those suckers, they go straight for my beltline. When you eat them, apparently they turn into hair.
S4 E13Changes
Watch out for those reporters, they'll tear you to pieces. I mean, they already have their story, and then they come up here with this pre-conceived notion and put a hatchet right in your back. Remember last year when I was on that TV show? They killed me.
Yeah, but I'm not trying to hide anything.
I wasn't trying to hide anything!
Come on, Herbert, you were trying to pretend you were something you're not.
Human.
Aren't we all trying to hide something? And in the larger sense, isn't that what makes us human?
Where'd you get that speech?
Read it on a T-Shirt.
Have you noticed that you can't tell what color someone is over the phone?
I guess not.
That's right! Stereotype thinking! I mean, when I heard Black Life Magazine, I was expecting him to be like "Hey, little momma, you tell the dude I'll be here at fo'." But he didn't. He sounded just like you!
What does she mean "just like me?" I'm black, I'm from the street, I can say "fo'!"
That's right, Kingfish. You is, and you does. But the problem is, you sound neutral.
Neutral. You mean 'white.'
Well, don't worry, pal. I've heard you say "upside your head," things like that. Don't worry, you can pass for black.
I don't want to "pass for black," I want to be black! What the hell am I saying?
S4 E14Jennifer and Johnny's Charity
My wife and I went to Washington about three years ago. The Lincoln Memorial is pretty good. There's a great big guy sitting in a chair.
Monster lizard ravages east coast! Mayors in five New England cities have issued emergency requests for federal disaster relief as a result of a giant lizard that descended on the east coast last night! Officials say that this lizard, the worst since '78, has devastated transportation, disrupted communication, and left many hundreds homeless!
Monster lizard?
The wire service never lies!
Les, the "B" is out on the printer! It's monster blizzard!
S4 E15I'll Take Romance
Are you trying to tell me that I'm not worthy of Lorraine?
No, I'm trying to tell you that Lorraine is not worthy of you.
She cost $200.
No, she charges $200. Les, I'm talking about the oldest profession.
Lorraine's a farmer?
Herbert, I do not need a computerized service to help me find girls. I meet 'em the old-fashioned way: I pick them up in bars.
S4 E17Fire
Officer Shanks, explain fire.
FFireman
What?
Exactly why do things burn?
FFireman
What kind of a station is this?
The phones are dead! The phones are dead!
Not now, Les!
Well, shouldn't we call somebody?
S4 E18Dear Liar
Les, your stories always seem to have a kind of a, uh... how shall I put this?
Barnyard aroma?
[on Les' demand for walls] You know, I think walls would be good for him. Big padded ones, about that thick.
[Andy and Bailey, in Mr. Carlson's office, have just discussed the fake news story that Bailey wrote and Les plagiarized on air]
[as Bailey is leaving] Bailey?
Hm?
You ever do that again, you'll be the best-looking reporter on the unemployment line.
Right.
[Bailey opens the door, then stops, and turns to look at Andy with a surprised expression on her face]
"Best-looking?"
[Andy nods]
Ooh. [smiles and departs]
S4 E19The Creation of Venus
[to Andy] If you're going to grab me, do it nicely--in the back seat of my Rolls.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's WKRP in Cincinnati pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.