Mr. Carlson quotes from WKRP in Cincinnati

As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly.

Every time my mother comes for one of these little quarterly reviews, she always leaves with a piece of me in her purse.

[panicked] I got a monkey on my foot!

How many times have you said to yourself, "if I knew then what I know now"? Well, by golly, this is the new then. Now, I mean. Because I know now what I didn't used to know then. As a manner of speaking, you could say that I know now what I know now.

Jennifer, in a little while when I'm happy again because we've made a sale, remind me what's been said about me and by whom. A certain little salesman I know is going to suffer.

It wasn't really an 'official' fraternity. Mother sort of rented this house for a bunch of us who couldn't get in.

[on Les' demand for walls] You know, I think walls would be good for him. Big padded ones, about that thick.

Andy

I have only been in this town for two weeks. I'm living in an apartment that doesn't have any furniture. I've been fighting with your mother. I've been fighting with-with-with Les, I've been fighting with Herb. I don't even know where my laundry is, sir.

Oh, settle down.

Andy

Frankly, sir, I'm...I'm just as tired of all this as you are.

Yeah. Heh. Well, I guess so. Listen, for whatever it's worth, I don't know where my laundry is either.

Hey, is that us?

Jennifer

No, this is us. [changes stations]

Johnny

Hang onto your brains, fellow babies, this is Doctor Johnny Fever and have I got a contest for you! First prize is, you don't have to die! Second prize, a pocket comb!

Who's she?

Jennifer

Bailey Quarters.

She work here?

Jennifer

Uh-huh.

I like her.

Jennifer

I know. You say that every time you meet her.

I do?

Jennifer

Mr. Carlson, I have to go to lunch now.

O-Okay, fine.

Uh, Jennifer. Who answers the phone when you're at lunch?

Jennifer

Usually I just leave it off the hook.

You think that's wise?

Jennifer

I don't know. It was Mr. Carlson's idea.

Jennifer

Mr. Carlson.

What?

Jennifer

You're being childish about this.

I am not. Boy, is this gonna make my momma mad.

Andy

Mr. Carlson, we have got big trouble.

Uh oh, mother's on her way!

Andy

It is not your Momma. It is worse than Momma.

Worse? What could be worse than Momma?

Bailey

I...I just wanted to say.. um thanks Johnny! When I first came to WKRP, I didn't know a think about radio stations, and I guess I was just a little shy back then. [sighs] But... you took the time to show me the ropes, and you gave me the kind of confidence I needed. You're a real friend, Johnny, and I wish you wouldn't go. When I think of WKRP, I...I think of you, and I guess I always will.

Is it working?...Is he going to stay?

I see you've met Little Arthur.

Bailey

Yeah, he's somewhat of a ... a...

Jennifer

A Nazi.