Andy Travis quotes from WKRP in Cincinnati

Andy

Damn, I like this cloak and dagger stuff! Carrying a Russian across Ohio in the dead of night, and you're telling me my life ain't workin' out?

Andy

[to Johnny] We've got a playlist. You should play the list. We've gotta play some Top 40 hits, don't we? Why, sure we do. Yet you have yet to play a single hit off the playlist all week. Play the playlist. Play a part of the playlist! Play one song off the playlist! Play a part of one of the songs off the playlist! Well, it's so nice to see we've established a dialogue here. There you go, you want to talk about this, I'll be in my office playing with a loaded revolver.

Andy

Herbert, I do not need a computerized service to help me find girls. I meet 'em the old-fashioned way: I pick them up in bars.

Andy

I have only been in this town for two weeks. I'm living in an apartment that doesn't have any furniture. I've been fighting with your mother. I've been fighting with-with-with Les, I've been fighting with Herb. I don't even know where my laundry is, sir.

Oh, settle down.

Andy

Frankly, sir, I'm...I'm just as tired of all this as you are.

Yeah. Heh. Well, I guess so. Listen, for whatever it's worth, I don't know where my laundry is either.

Andy

Mr. Carlson, we have got big trouble.

Uh oh, mother's on her way!

Andy

It is not your Momma. It is worse than Momma.

Worse? What could be worse than Momma?

Andy

You interested in radio?

Oh, kinda.

Johnny

It's probably because he knows that the first thing you do when you overthrow a government is seize control of the radio station.

Venus

Andy, Little Ed weighs about 300 pounds.

Andy

He does?

Venus

That's right.

Andy

Why do they call him Little Ed?

Venus

Because his wife is Big Ed.

Andy

Let me ask you a question - am I the guard, or one of the nuts?

Venus

I think you're a guard on the way to becoming a nut.

Andy

Everything I could've done to fix this station, I didn't do. Now is that right or what?

Venus

How could you have fixed this station?

Andy

For starters: first thing I should've done was get rid of Herb. The worst sales manager in the world. The worst. And Les? Oh, Les. When the Shah of Iran was overthrown, he missed it completely. His lead story for the day was about a hog that could do addition and subtraction.

Venus

Aw, come on, man, you're not going anywhere, you know that. You've chosen to be here, my man. Yeah. You gave up an opportunity to be boy wonder of American radio to be the head guard at the nut farm.

Andy

That's ridiculous.

Venus

Oh, yeah? Think about it.

Andy

Ah, Venus. Well, man, I do like it here. I like it here better than any place I've ever worked. Let me ask you a question. Am I the guard or one of the nuts?

Venus

I think you're a guard. On the way to becoming a nut.

Andy

There are thousands of stations in this country with women on the air.

Les

As disk jockeys, yes. But this is news, Travis, news - important stuff.

Andy

What about Barbara Walters?

Les

I 'west' my case.

Johnny

How can you do that? How can you put a dollar value on your sister's company? And, more importantly, how much?

Andy

Thirty bucks.

Johnny

What's wrong with your sister?

Les

Travis, the very first day you came to this station you promised to get me a helicopter.

Andy

I know I did, Les, but that was a long time ago and I was lying.

Andy

Heat, there's no heat!

Johnny

No kidding there's no heat! It's because Mr. Carlson's mother is here. She walks in, everything freezes. She is the Ice Queen! She has powers beyond any mortal woman!

It's your radical affiliations, Mr. Nessman.

Andy

What radical affiliations?

Les

Well, I am a member of the Hoedown Square-Dancing Club.