Bailey Quarters quotes from WKRP in Cincinnati

Bailey

[to Herb] Continuity is so important. Thank you for always being a jerk.

Bailey

[in jail] You don't think they're going to fingerprint us, do you? "Bailey Quarters, Summa Cum Laude Ohio State, Sex Pervert!"

Bailey

Jennifer, if you don't mind, I think I'm gonna cry.

Jennifer

Bailey, women who want to be broadcast producers do not cry in public.

Bailey

Then I'll cry in my car on the way home.

Jennifer

That's the way men do it.

Bailey

What's he like on a date?

Jennifer

Very gallant. Later he took me to this intimate little place. I had a martini, and Les had a hot chocolate. Then he took me home.

Bailey

Oh. Did he come up to your apartment?

Jennifer

Oh, I invited him. But on the way up the stairs his knees sort of gave out. But he took a rain check.

Bailey

I...I just wanted to say.. um thanks Johnny! When I first came to WKRP, I didn't know a think about radio stations, and I guess I was just a little shy back then. [sighs] But... you took the time to show me the ropes, and you gave me the kind of confidence I needed. You're a real friend, Johnny, and I wish you wouldn't go. When I think of WKRP, I...I think of you, and I guess I always will.

Is it working?...Is he going to stay?

[Singing] Hey! You're young and swingin'

Les

Bailey, you're his friend. What do you really know about Venus?

Bailey

You promise not to tell?

Les

I swear.

Bailey

Well, uh... you're gonna think this is a little crazy at first, but uh... I think he's black.

I see you've met Little Arthur.

Bailey

Yeah, he's somewhat of a ... a...

Jennifer

A Nazi.

She says that you're obtuse.

Les Nessman

Ooh!

Herb

[reading dictionary] Adultery... Admire...

Les

Let me see that.

Les

Obtuse...

Herb

[snatching dictionary back from Les] Addle-minded!

Les

[snatching back the dictionary] Obtuse!

Herb

[Herb attempts to snatch the dictionary back from Les, but Les slams Herb's hand in the book] Addle-ow!

Bailey

[entering] Hi, guys.

Herb

Oh. Hi, Bailey. Met Carlson's son?

Bailey

Yes. I've had the pleasure.

Herb

Well, he's quite a kid. Let me tell you. [under breath to Little Arthur] Tell your dad I said that.

Les

[excited] Obtuse! According to Websters, exceeding ninety degrees but less than one-hundred eighty degrees; lacking sharpness or quickness of sensibility; rounded at the free end; dull. [looks and feels offended] That's an insult!

Bailey

Les, take it easy.

Les

Take it easy?

Herb

Yeah. Just calm down, okay?

Les

Don't tell me to calm down. I just paid five dollars to find out I'm "rounded at the free end"!

Bailey

Cool off, Les.

Herb

He's just mad because he's not addle-minded.

Les

I am too.

Herb

No. You're not.

Les

[Herb and Less start hitting each other] Yes. I am.

Herb

No. You're not.

Les

Yes. I am!

Herb

You're not!

Bailey

You guys! You are both addle-minded!

Les

Thank you, Bailey.

Bailey

You're welcome, Les.

Les

Bailey, you'll lead us in a team prayer.

Bailey

Why me?

Les

Because you're the most wholesome.

Johnny

You just talk into the mike and your voice goes out through the wires, and once a week, whether you need it or not, somebody comes in here and gives you a check for $38.

Bailey

Don't you ever get scared, you know, like, get stage fright?

Johnny

Well, I'll tell you a secret, Bailey. If you ever find yourself on the air, and you feel a little nervous, just imagine that you're speaking to one specific person. Which in fact is probably the case here.

Bailey

Just pretend you're talking to one person. A friend. Me.

Johnny

Okay.

Bailey

That's how you told me to do it. Now you do it.

Johnny

Okay, I'll give it a try.

Bailey

Just talk to me.

Johnny

This is, uh, your Doctor speaking. Hello, and good afternoon, Cincinnati. I sure would like to take you home and kiss you all over in the dark.

Johnny

[on sex frequency per week statistic] 2.96? I wonder how they do the, uh, .96 part.

Bailey

That is just an average, Johnny.

Johnny

Well, it should average out to three. Somebody's not doing something right!

Les

Now about the format. Whenever possible I always try to lead with the hog futures, particularly in the morning.

Bailey

Why?

Les

Because, Bailey, that's what people are interested in.

Bailey

Yeah, but what if a really big story is breaking?

Les

Well, that's when you have to use your news judgment. There will always be exceptions. For instance, when President Richard Milhous Nixon resigned, I led the news with that story. Looking back, I think I made the right decision.

Johnny

Do you believe in a supreme being?

Bailey

Wow! Uh, I think so.

Johnny

What's he like?

Bailey

Well, first of all she's black--that was a joke. An old joke, but a good one.