Mason. Alex doesn't want to see you, and not to gloat, but I know Juliet doesn't.
Theresa(whispers to Justin) Make him write down what he wants to say to her. That accent of his gives him an unfair advantage.
Alex. I didn't mean what I said earlier. I was in shock from seeing Juliet but I wanna be with you.
Mason, look. I've been in shock before, too.. like, when I accidentally made my brother disappear.. or I accidentally made my parents not know who I was.. or I accidentally got trapped in a horror film.. or I accidentally-
Theresa
Honey.. honey, we know.. you've messed up a a lot.
Yes. But still, I've never accidentally told someone I love them, when I didn't.
Alex, I know it's hard to believe, but if you just let me explain-
I think you've said enough.
You have to go now, Mister.
Yes, sir. I'll, be on my way, then. And I'll regret my mistake, for the rest of my life..
[comes home] I did it. I told Nancy the truth.
Theresa
Isn't it easier telling the truth, honey?
I'm so relieved that I told her I'm a wizard.
JJJustin and Jerry
[do a spit take]
RThe Russos
[look at Max] YOU WHAT?!?!
Theresa
Max! When I told you to tell the truth to Nancy I meant to her the truth about being a Russo, not about being a wizard!
You wanted me to tell her the truth but not the whole truth? This truth thing is confusing, mom. To tell you the truth.
Yeah, I mean you tell the truth you get in trouble. You lie you get in trouble. We're probably just better off not talking to each other.
What did Nancy say when you told her?
Max, you really need to work on how you give information when you tell a story. I mean, if I had a ketchup bottle when you said you told her, I would have squeezed it and ketchup would have been flying everywhere.
Harper please hand me the ketchup. [Harper gives Jerry the ketchup]
But then I took her on a magic carpet ride and she totally believed me.
Ahhh! (squeezes the ketchup bottle)
Theresa
[opens her mouth]
Justin, I'm so sorry! I never should've created that duplicate in the first place. I guess I was just scared that I wouldn't really have anyone to fight with when you went off to college.
We've had a lot of pretty good fights, huh? I think we've still got a few good ones left in us. What do you think?
Theresa
You guys are hilarious. Just say you love each other!
AJAlex and Justin
[simultaneously] No we don't! [move away from each other to opposite sides of the couch]
Theresa
Uh, not so fast! You're not going anywhere, let alone Europe! Listen, you are still grounded for taking money from the cash register to buy that vending machine. And you are EXTRA grounded for sneaking out when you KNEW that you were grounded and you are EXTRA BONUS grounded for sneaking out into a magical alternate universe!
...You're right, Mom, I'm sorry. That was a dumb idea.
Theresa
Well, that's be...wait a minute. What part of it was a dumb idea?
Theresa
Wow. That was easy.
Theresa
Thank you for making the cake Harper, it's beautiful, and it looks delicious.
Oh, no, ohhh, we don't eat it. The Finkle tradition is that you make a cake from scratch and the you use rolling pins to smash it together as a family. It's the one time of year we let out our frustrations.
(Justin walks into the cell after being up for examination)
I brought a...hamburger. (Max takes it out of his hands and starts eating it)
They gave Justin a hamburger, he must have rolled over! What did you tell them?!
Did you tell them we're you-know-whats?!?! (Justin nods. Alex and Jerry gasp in shock)
Theresa
Did they let you use the bathroom? WAS IT WORTH IT?
[on Mason's back and jumps off] Whew, we're back. Hm, long walk!
[breathing heavily] Yep! For some of us it was!
Excuse me! My arms are tired from hanging on and trying to steer. Your ears are really tiny but really cute. [smiles]
[smiles and rubs his ear]
While we were stuck in that government facility I was afraid I would never see Waverly Place again. I missed you. [kisses the ground] There was definitely a horse parade here recently.
[exhausted] I must have lost thirty pounds on that walk. Do you know how long it's going to take me to gain them back?
Why is the Sub Station all boarded up?
Theresa
Oh gosh. I gotta get in there! I wanna take a bath without someone yelling at me, "Hey lady, get out of my pool!" [bangs on the door]
Go away government agents! I have a soda gun and its loaded with root beer!
Harper, it's us! We escaped from the government guys!
I'm not falling for that! The real Russos are too lame to escape from anywhere.
Harper!!! [bangs on the door] Open up!! We'd flash in there but we don't have our powers. We only got back by hitching rides, taking buses, and a lot of walking.
[whips his head to her] YOU DIDN'T WALK AT ALL!!! YOU HAD ME CARRY YOU LIKE A CAMEL!!! [smiles] Love.
Too lazy to walk? Oh Alex it really is you! All right, hold on. I'll let you in. I just have to dismantle a bunch of booby traps I set up to protect myself.
Theresa
[walks into the Sub Station] It's so good to be home! [gets hit by one of the traps] AH! [falls down and is unconscious]
Oops. I forgot to get rid of that one.
Theresa
You think they'd want anything to do with us anymore? You guys don't even have your powers. You're nothing without them. Nothing. (puts the ice pack on her face)
Guys come on. There's something wrong with the portal.
I can't contact anybody in the Wizard World. I've tried WizCom, WizPhone, WizText, and just straight up yelling into the thing. (opens portal door) Hello! Are you listening?
(snorts) It's just a regular echo, Mason. We don't put "wiz" in front of everything.
Look! The Wizmergency Wizlight is on! That means the powers are still down. Oh no, the government must have captured everyone.
This is bad. That means they still have Professor Crumbs too. (goes in the restaurant kitchen and picks up the phone) Hello? I'd like to speak with the officer in charge.
I'm calling the police. We have to do something to save the Wizard World. Hello officer yes I'd like to report-
(grabs phone) That you are doing a great job. Yep. Keep it up. Love ya! (hangs up phone) Alex! What were you gonna tell them?
(trying not to laugh) Not that I love them.
People don't hear it enough. Alex, you know you can't reveal magic.
Even I know that. That's why I just make people think I'm dumb. So if I slip up they'd figure, "Ah the kid's an idiot." I slip up all the time so...who's dumb now?
Alex, you can't call the police. We just need to lay low for awhile until this blows over and do nothing.
The wizard world is captured and you want us to do nothing? Fine. (goes upstairs)
Theresa
The one time we ask the laziest girl on Earth to do nothing, she wants to do something!
I'm just happy she didn't ask me to carry her up the stairs.
(after the judge brings in a crystal ball)
We're gonna watch TV? Oh, now I really wish they had a food court. I can't watch TV without a corn dog.
Theresa
(grabs her purse and pulls out a corn dog in a bag) Here, I was saving it to keep you quiet at church...just eat it. (she gives it to him and he takes a bite of it)
(Jerry and Theresa playing Skee Ball. Alex and Mason come out of the Sub Station.)
Mom, dad, I have some really exciting news. I've decided to get back in the Wizard Competition.
Theresa
(distracted by Skee Ball) It's in the drawer with the dead batteries. A hundred, Jerry!
Are you even listening? I am going to win the Wizards Competition so Mason and I can be together.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Great, honey. (reaches into pocket) Here's twenty dollars. (hands to Alex) Take your own candy. (rolls ball) Ah haha! A hundred and fifty points, Theresa!
Let me try. I ate Dean today.
JTJerry and Theresa
(stop playing) What?!
He said we're going to the movies. Bye! (the episode ends as Alex and Mason run down the street)
Wizards of Waverly Place · 311 quotes
