Jerry Russo quotes from Wizards of Waverly Place

Jerry

Ok Max, now that your full powers are here. its time for the hat.

Alex

Oh not the hat!

Max

What hat?

Alex

Dad that hats so ugly!

Max

What hat?!?!

Theresa

I cant believe my mijito is ready for the hat!

Max

Somebody tell me about the hat already!

Max

I know a Jeannie. Jeannie Kowalski. Jeannie's dont like it when you flick them in the ear. That's lesson number one.

Jerry

No, lesson number one is leave that girl alone. She's bigger than you.

Max

Get your Bronxstrami. Central Park sandwich. Right here at the Sub station!

Jerry

Hey, it's working.

Salads make you perky. Sandwiches make you sleepy.

Max

Salads are un-American!!

Jerry

Very good, Justin. Alex, you're up.

Alex

Oh, okay. This guinea pig is now not, a dove with wings shall fill its slot. [a brick appears] Oh! It's a pretty dove!

Jerry

No. Oh! It's a pretty brick. You weren't concentrating. Max, you're up.

Max

This guinea pig is now not, a dove with wings shall fill with snot. [dove sneezes] I said snot, didn't I?

Jerry

Hey, what's that?

Alex

[hastily] Uh...

Alex

These parents are now not...

Jerry

What're you doing?

Alex

...two guinea pigs should fill their slot.

Alex

What did I just do? I panicked! I needed to buy myself more time.

To do what?

Alex

To panic!

Justin

I don't know why you guys even bothered taking that test. We all know that I'm the one that's gonna win the family wizard contest and keep my powers.

Jerry

That's not for a long while, Justin.

Alex

And what if they change the rules so only girls keep their powers? Oh, wait, you still might win.

Justin

Oh, Alex, you're so transparent. You know that I'm better than you at magic, so you have to lash out and make fun of me. And, you don't take any of this magic seriously.

Alex

I can't take *you* seriously. You use big words like "transparent". What are you, British?

Professor Crumbs

No, but I am.

Alex

[Professor Crumbs, who was about to take Alex's powers, is turned into guinea pig] Don't look at me, I don't have my powers!

Jerry

[shocked] Justin?

Justin

...I panicked!

Alex

This is my problem not yours. Don't let me drag you down.

Justin

But you don't drag me down. I don't want you to lose your powers. Everytime you mess up; I have to think of a way to fix it. You make me a better wizard.

Jerry

Justin, get in the kitchen right now!

Justin

OK, Come on Isabella we're going in the kitchen...

Theresa

No No, Isabella has to stay here because, of, the, the thing

Justin

What thing?

Jerry

Justin, you come in the kitchen, Isebella, you stay here

Jerry

"Popcon's in town!

Justin

"Popcon's in town!!"

Theresa

"Popcon's in town!?"

Max

"Popcorn's in town!!? That doesn't make any sense...why am I so excited?"

Jerry

Who's going to run the Sub Station? That's the only reason we had you kids!

Alex

(looks at him)

Jerry

Not you.

Alex

(smiles)

Max

I got a date! I got a date! I got a date!

Jerry

Oh, Max. I told you. If a girl walks in and asks if we do take-out, it doesn't mean she wants to take you out.

Justin

Who wrote down one syllable?

Max

I did!

Jerry

You were supposed to write titles.

Justin

That is infuriating isn't it, dad? Doesn't it make you just want to... throw a table.

Jerry

I'm sure there's a book titled "One Syllable" out there somewhere.

Jerry

No Alex, you stay, you're not disqualified. I got that fair and square. [stands up] YOUR MOTHER IS STACKING THE TEAMS AGAINST US!!

Justin

That's what I'm talking about!

Theresa

What? You heard her! She cheated.

Justin

And I'm livid. You know what? They should both be disqualified out of here.

Jerry

Oh, this is totally bogus!

Max

Dad's pouting 'cause he lost a fight again,

Theresa

No! We are not fighting, that's one thing we are not doing; we're not fighting. So stop fighting! The neighbors can hear us!

That's it! I'm calling the cops.

Jerry

(moves his arms like he's karate chopping)

Max

Karate Kid!

Jerry

We are not fighting! We're trying to make a good impression!

Theresa

Jerry! Help us!

Jerry

Ahh!

Jerry

Not the milkshake machine! PLEASE!!!!

Theresa

[To Family] I knew it!

Hand over the Milkshake Machine

Jerry

Here's the Milkshake Machine

Theresa

JERRY!!!