Harper Finkle quotes from Wizards of Waverly Place

Alex

You see this is what I get for helping you out while you where driving.

Harper

I didn't ask for your help.

Alex

I was helping me. I wanted to live.

Harper

I don't need your help. I'm going to pass the drivers test all by myself.

Alex

Well I don't need you either. I can clean all the garbage cans by myself, and what am I going to need to do that? Do I need like a rag or a, or a brush or spray? No? FINE!

Jerry

Hey Justin. It looks like you are going to win the wizard competition, so I am going to pass the family robe down to you now.

Justin

Ah, what an honor.

Jerry

Take good care of it.

Alex

I have finished my oil painting.

Harper

Coconut cream pies are done.

Max

This is a box of mud.

Mason

(burps then smiles nervously) I ate Dean.

(shocked)

Max

(gives Mason a thumbs up)

Alex

Mason! You can't just go around eating people! This isn't-this isn't-(turns to Harper) What place am I trying to think of Harper?

Harper

No place! There's no place where you can just go around eating people!

Mason

I'm sorry.

Alex

You're sorry?! How could you do this?!

Mason

Well it was easy because his hair was greasy and then he kinda got stuck at the shoulders.

Max

Yeah so then this guy started choking so then I just shrunk Dean down and made him easier to eat. :(pats Mason's back)

Alex

(looks at Harper)

Mason

Alex, I'm sorry. I saw how well you were getting along with Dean and I guess I got a little jealous.

Alex

THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN EAT HIM! DUHH

Alex

Justin! Justin! We need your help! Mason ate Dean.

Justin

Not now Alex. I'm trying to get through to my class. HE ATE DEAN?!

Felix

The hairy guy ate somebody?

Max

Yeah, he's a werewolf.

Nice!

Alex

Justin please! We have to find a way to get Dean out of Mason.

Felix

Let's cut him open!

Mason

Let's not cut him open! He's a very nice guy.

Harper

Nice guy? You ate somebody!

Dudes, let's all shrink down with the Up and Atom spell, go inside him, and then bounce around his stomach until he barfs up Dean!

[agrees]

Alex

Okay, next!

Justin

No, no, no, no. Tyler might be onto something here.

Sweet!

Alex

I still don't understand why a submarine crew has to dress up like cows.

Max

Cows? I thought we were dalmatians. Now it's just weird.

Justin

Country cow submarine? What a crew. (shows Harper to the Abracadoodler) Okay, I've turned the Abracadoodler into a submarine tracking sonar scope.

Harper

(sits down) Oh perfect. I can't wait to not know what to use this for.

Dean

What happened? What are you guys wearing? And WHAT AM I COVERED IN?!

Justin

Alex you got this one right? (walks away)

Harper

She lives for these moments! (follows Justin)

Max

Simon says follow them! (follows Harper)

Alex

Um, okay, well, you see, Dean you got knocked out by a flying bowl of oatmeal. And we called the doctor, and he said the only way to wake you up was to dress up like cows.

Mason

(to Alex) Really? That's your story?

Alex

(whispers) Give it a minute!

Dean

That's a good doctor.

Harper

[to Alex] Alex, I think you're being replaced as daddy's little girl.

Alex

[mildly annoyed] Please, I'm daddy's little girl. [referring to 'Max/Maxine'] That is daddy's little freak.

Justin

Could this date get any worse?

Alex

[speaking loudly on her cellphone] Can you hear me Harper? Yes. No I'm on the terrace now.

Harper

Put down the phone. I can hear better when you yell.

Alex

[takes some food from a plate and walks to the balcony] Ah! Ah! [spits the food out] Ow! That's hot. What was that?

Harper

[below on the ground] Ow! That's hot! What was that?

Theresa

Harper, honey, we don't want to say that it's a bad idea, but it's just-

Jerry

No Theresa, I think we do want to say that's a bad idea.

Harper

What is so bad about a slumber party? It's what every girl dreams of. If they never experience one they go through life never knowing the joys of friendship cemented with all that giggling, secrets, popcorn, singing, texting, movies, games, pillow fights and-

Theresa

Harper! You never had a slumber party, had you?

Harper

How'd you know?

Harper

I hope you're happy, Alex. I kept your secret. [leaves]

Justin

Is this as hilarious as you thought it would be?