Max Russo quotes from Wizards of Waverly Place

Alex

Max, how would you get a genie to come back to her lamp?

Max

I know, orange soda.

Alex

What?

Max

If someone poured orange soda in my room I'd be really mad.

Theresa

You spilled orange soda in your room again didn't you? What did we say about taking it up there?

Max

See she's really mad and she's going to my room.

Max

Get your Bronxstrami. Central Park sandwich. Right here at the Sub station!

Jerry

Hey, it's working.

Salads make you perky. Sandwiches make you sleepy.

Max

Salads are un-American!!

Jerry

Very good, Justin. Alex, you're up.

Alex

Oh, okay. This guinea pig is now not, a dove with wings shall fill its slot. [a brick appears] Oh! It's a pretty dove!

Jerry

No. Oh! It's a pretty brick. You weren't concentrating. Max, you're up.

Max

This guinea pig is now not, a dove with wings shall fill with snot. [dove sneezes] I said snot, didn't I?

Justin

Got it.

Alex

Does he have to say, "Got it" after every question? It's throwing me off on my exam.

Max

[surprised] We're taking an exam?

Max

Why doesn't Dad just grade our papers?

Professor Crumbs

So that no one will get better grades just by batting their eyes and trying to look cute.

Alex

[batting her eyes and looking cute] Are you talking about me?

Justin

[mocking Alex's expression] Alex, you're doing it right now.

Justin

[On the phone talking to his Mom] So you and Dad crossed over into New Jersary right, Then It's official I'm in charge? What if there was a tidal wave, If their was THEN can I be in charge? YES!! [Hangs up phone and blows a whistle] Okay, I'm in charge.

Alex

[Throws a water balloon at Justin] Hey, look, a tidal wave, now you're in charge!

Justin

Alex, you just ruined my new clothes.

Alex

Justin, when you wear something for a week, it's not new anymore. It just needs a wash.

Max

[Throws a water balloon at Justin] Hey, look, I just washed it. You're welcome!

Justin

[holds up the Speed Shirt] This is a Speed Shirt, it gives you supersonic speed.

Max

Ah, does it grow your hair really long?

Justin

Speed...shirt...

Justin

If one person in the family hates someone then the others have to hate them, too.

Max

So, that means if I hate pumpkin pie, you hate pumpkin pie, too?

Justin

You know I love pumpkin pie!

Justin

Couldn't we just wait for the elevator to come back up?

Max

Justin, even I know that's a bad idea!

Jerry

"Popcon's in town!

Justin

"Popcon's in town!!"

Theresa

"Popcon's in town!?"

Max

"Popcorn's in town!!? That doesn't make any sense...why am I so excited?"

Max

Hey I've got something that will put our name on the wizard map!

Max

Okay, how about a spell to make clear plastic that's sticky on one side and it helps wizards put drawings on the refrigerator? I'll call it, Russo's Sticky Strips.

Justin

You know, that sounds vaguely similar to something that we have right here (picks up tape), called tape.

Max

Oh man! This is even better than mine! It has a convenient clear holder and a serrated edge for clean cuts!

Max

This is awesome!

Justin

Is it Max? Is this what you really wanted for your birthday?!

Alex

If we live I am so taking my gift card back!

Max

I got a date! I got a date! I got a date!

Jerry

Oh, Max. I told you. If a girl walks in and asks if we do take-out, it doesn't mean she wants to take you out.

Max

At least give me a spell to fix this!

Alex

[calls] You're on your own, jerkface!

Max

Thank you! [takes out wand, and tries to cast spell] 'You're on your own, jerkface!'

I'm a bit of a practical joker myself.

Max

Really?

Yeah I've played a lot of jokes on your father over the years

Max

Like what?

Well like, wadding up his clothes so they get all wrinkled. (laughs) Or putting a sign on his back that says something hilarious... like umm.. "My knees hurt in the morning." (laughs) or or umm..."I could use a good shower." (laughs harder)

Max

Mom, those are the worse practical jokes I've ever heard.

What?! Maybe you just don't understand them the note says "My knees hurt in the morning." (laughing) That way when people read it they'll think he's a stinky geezer. (laughs hysterically while jumping up and down) (she looks at Max's expressionless face)

Don't you get it? You don't get it?