Justin Russo quotes from Wizards of Waverly Place

Hello prisoners. (picks up a guy's hat, drops it, and points at Mr. Laritate) Warden.

Mr. Laritate

(smiles meekly)

(takes another guy's device) Sorry I'm late. I had a phone call (looks at Eddie) with your mom. She said, "Get out of my chair!"

(goes to different chair)

(sits down comfortably)

Alex

(turns to Stevie) Who are you?

I'm Stevie. Last name...I don't want to know yours so why do you want to know mine?

Mr. Laritate

She makes you look like him. (motions to Justin)

Justin

(waves)

Mr. Laritate

All right, I'll be back to let you out of the cage at three. If you need anything, you should have thought of that before you acted up. (leaves and closes the door)

Alex

(gets up) Hey Stevie, why don't you tell me a bedtime story about how you ended up in detention so fast? (takes a pillow hidden from inside a globe)

Got caught for some stuff at my old school, so they're making me make up detention here. But it's cool. It's the quickest way to meet my people.

Alex

(gets a sound machine from behind a plaque on the wall) You're people? Oh, you mean people like me! Thank you! That's so sweet! (makes a hammock) Now, if you'll excuse me. I need a couple of more hours shut eye under a gentle rain. (turns the sound machine on and the machine plays sounds of rain)

Yeah you gotta turn that down. It makes me want to go numero uno.

Yeah that's right, I speak French.

(turns the sound machine volume higher) Well, Oui, Oui.

Alex

(laughs and does a handshake with Stevie)

Alex

Shakira!

Justin

Shakira!

Alex

Maybe if we say it in Spanish!

Justin

(in a Spanish accent) Shakira!

Alex

(in a Spanish accent) Shakira!

Justin

I gotta use magic. [transforms into Alex] Okay I'll just pretend I'm Alex and convince Harper to help me with the float. No, I can't do it. It's just not me. [transforms back into himself and groans] But I do need to finish the float. [scratches his back with his wand] Ahh, ooh! [transforms to Alex] But it's a selfish use of magic and that's wrong. [transforms back to himself] But it would allow Harper to be with her friend, which would be nice. [transforms to Alex] No I can't do it! [transforms back] But I have to! [transforms into Alex] But I can't!

Harper

[walks out] Alex?

Uh oh. [drops his wand]

Harper

Oh my gosh! You came back to be with me.

[high pitched] Yes I'm....[clears voice] Yes I'm-I'm Alex and I came back to work on the float with you, and also to tell you how much you mean to me.

Harper

Aw, you never said that to me before. Thanks.

Well, you're welcome.

Harper

You never said that to me or to anyone. You must be really making an effort here. [grabs a mallet]

Wow, she sure has set the bar low for herself.

Harper

Why are you wearing Justin's clothes?

Oh. Be-because I stole them from Justin. Because I'm a dirty, lying thief.

Harper

[rubs Justin's head and smiles] I know you are.

Alex

Wait, wait, wait! We've heard two different stories here.

Harper

Well, maybe Warren is lying. Let's see if he can stand up to one of my uncomfortable stares.

Justin

[shudders]

Harper

Yep, he's a liar.

Alex

Quick! Quick! He fainted. Someone give me a pen. I love drawing mustaches on people who can't stop me!

Justin

Uh, now it makes sense, he won and a disgruntled family member is trying to wreck it for him. I've seen my future in the present.

Alex

Stevie is my friend. I'm sure she's got a reasonable explanation for what's going on.

Alex

Everyone is innocent until proven guilty.

Justin

C'mon Harper, let's go find Stevie. [starts to walk away with Harper]

Alex

I bet you he has a pen on him! [searches Warren]

Justin

[goes back to Alex and drags her away] Alex, stop that! It looks illegal.

Max

[comes home] I did it. I told Nancy the truth.

Jerry

We're proud of you Max.

Theresa

Isn't it easier telling the truth, honey?

Max

I'm so relieved that I told her I'm a wizard.

[do a spit take]

[look at Max] YOU WHAT?!?!

Theresa

Max! When I told you to tell the truth to Nancy I meant to her the truth about being a Russo, not about being a wizard!

Max

You wanted me to tell her the truth but not the whole truth? This truth thing is confusing, mom. To tell you the truth.

Alex

Yeah, I mean you tell the truth you get in trouble. You lie you get in trouble. We're probably just better off not talking to each other.

Jerry

What did Nancy say when you told her?

Max

She didn't believe me.

Jerry

Max, you really need to work on how you give information when you tell a story. I mean, if I had a ketchup bottle when you said you told her, I would have squeezed it and ketchup would have been flying everywhere.

Jerry

Harper please hand me the ketchup. [Harper gives Jerry the ketchup]

Max

But then I took her on a magic carpet ride and she totally believed me.

Jerry

Ahhh! (squeezes the ketchup bottle)

Theresa

[opens her mouth]

Alex

(talking through Justin's mind) Oh I see. In your mind they're losers and you're not.

Justin

Go away Alex! I hate it when you use magic to listen to my thoughts! (listens to a music player and turns the volume high)

Alex

(gets a headache)

Alex

Justin, I'm so sorry! I never should've created that duplicate in the first place. I guess I was just scared that I wouldn't really have anyone to fight with when you went off to college.

Justin

We've had a lot of pretty good fights, huh? I think we've still got a few good ones left in us. What do you think?

Alex

I hope so.

Theresa

You guys are hilarious. Just say you love each other!

[simultaneously] No we don't! [move away from each other to opposite sides of the couch]

Justin

You didn't look, did you?

Alex

I looked around this general area. (waves her hands around the living room)

Justin

Wow.

Harper

(walking in the living room)

Justin

Maybe Harper can help.

Harper

(stops walking and turns to Alex and Justin)

(turn to Harper)

Harper

(runs downstairs)

(chase Harper)

Justin

Max, get on in.

Harper

What? No! Take a hike.

Max

You know what? You take a hike!

Harper

(walks towards him)

Max

I'm sorry! (runs out of the Sub Station)

Harper

Good, I'm gonna go change. (leaves)

Justin

What are you suppose to be?

Alex

I'm an evil queen.

Justin

What? There are no evil queens in Captain Jim Bob's World!

Alex

There's always an evil queen. Sometimes she's the head cheerleader, sometimes she's the fairytale stepmother, and sometimes, she's your sister.

We're really sorry to take your little lady away from you like this.

Justin

Who are you talking about?

Word on the street is that you two lovebirds are quite a big-ticket item.

Justin

Oh! Me and Harper. No, Harper is dating Zeke. Zeke Biekerman.

Zeke Biek-erman? It rhymes! Must be a stage name. Last thing we need is for our daughter to date another Johnny Stagedoor.

Being a couple of loose cannon undependable show biz types ourselves, we were hoping our daughter would wind up with some nice, boring, accountable square like yourself.

Theresa

We've got to find a way to get Alex out of the broken mirror.

Harper

We're never going to figure this out!

Justin

I figured it out!

Harper

(turns the lights off then turns them on again)

(holding the last piece)

Harper

You Russos are so predictable.

Harper

What's going on?

Justin

There's gifts from Uncle Kelbo that we weren't suppose to open but we did. Mom hates magic. There's a magic chicken running around. If you see waffles don't ask where they came from. Just enjoy them.

Harper

Wait, people are eating waffles? I made cake.