Justin Russo quotes from Wizards of Waverly Place

Woah. Did the magic chicken move all the furniture around?

EUncle Ernesto

What?

Justin

Uh, Max calls Dad Magic Chicken.

Right. And I call him (pointedly) Boy Who Should Stop Talking.

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Hey, magic chicken!

EUncle Ernesto

Jerry, your son's calling you.

What? Oh, uh, right, uh, we do love our nicknames in this family, (to Alex) don't we, What Should We Do Now?

Yep, yep that's my nickname!

Justin

My nickname is, I'm Sorry Mom and Remember I'm the Good One Usually the Victim.

EUncle Ernesto

Kinda long isn't it?

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Yeah well now we're never gonna find out who wins the wizard competition.

Justin

How about right after we actually have the wizard competition?

I trust the chicken more.

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Are you really going to make Max that stupid backpack shirt?

No! A backpack shirt would be embarrassing.

And that hat?

Oh don't start with me! Look I just wanted to get you into the lair. I can't stand to see Justin like this.

Well I can't stand to see Justin hardly at all, but I've gotten used to it and so should you because Juliet is not coming back.

Or is she?

No, she's not! Didn't you see her hobble off into the woods? I think Mason ate her.

Alright here's a thought. Justin needs to move on and if he can't hear it from us, maybe he needs to hear it from Juliet.

But he already did hear it from her. The old lady version of her.

Yeah but come on, who listens to old people? What if you made me look like Juliet and she told him?

Harper that doesn't sound like you want to help Justin, it sounds like you want to date him.

Oh that's not it. Why is it so hard to get you Russos to do something nice for each other?

Because when you help someone your guard is down and that's when another Russo will come right behind you and trip you!

(gives Alex a look)

Okay! Fine! I'll do it! But only because you're doing all the work. I'm just waving a wand. (waves her wand) Transfix, transpose. Make Harper look like Juliet from head to toe. (casts the spell and has a shocked look on her face)

(transforms into old Juliet) Eh? How do I look?

(lying) Great! You look great! (serious) Umm...this is a lot more work than I thought. Okay alright. (waves her wand) Transfix, transpose. Make Harper look like young Juliet including the clothes.

(transforms to young Juliet)

There you go. (throws her wand to the sofa)

Testing, testing. Ooh! I even have Juliet's voice! I pale in comparison to Harper Finkle. I've always wanted to hear her say that!

Okay now go walk around Waverly Place until you bump into Justin.

And I'll tell him to just move on from Juliet. We'll have a moment but that will be it. Oh, what should we do about the backpack shirt for Max?

I'll-I'll throw something together.

Just make sure it's not shoddy workmanship. It's Harper who's making that.

Don't push it blondie.

(leaves)

(voice over) When Alex turned me into Juliet I had good intentions. But then you started asking those questions and I panicked.

(hiding)

Justin

(to Max) Max, did you see Juliet go by?

(comes out from hiding)

Psst!

(goes to Alex)

What are you doing?! You're supposed to be with Justin.

I panicked.

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Justin

(to Harper) That wasn't for Juliet. It was for you Harper. Thank you.

No problem.

Justin

(pulls out his wand) Transfix, transpose. Make Harper look like herself again including the clothes.

(transforms back to herself again) Thank you. And when you kissed me I was Juliet so Zeke doesn't have to know about this.

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Zeke

(after Mason turns back into human) Did you guys see that? DID YOU SEE THAT! He was all 'hello love' blahblaeghblaheghblah! WHAT IS GOING ON?!

Justin

Uh, well I totally understand the confusion with the blahhehhblah uh, i got-Max?

Oh, now you want my help?

Zeke

Would someone please tell me what is going on, because I just saw your pet sled dog from Greenland, who lives in a veggie cooler, turn into a HALF-HUMAN HALF-BEAR HAIRY CREATURE THING!! WHAT IS GOING ON?!! I DESERVE SOME ANSWERS!!

(kisses him and he faints)

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(Justin walks into the cell after being up for examination)

Justin

I brought a...hamburger. (Max takes it out of his hands and starts eating it)

They gave Justin a hamburger, he must have rolled over! What did you tell them?!

Did you tell them we're you-know-whats?!?! (Justin nods. Alex and Jerry gasp in shock)

Did they let you use the bathroom? WAS IT WORTH IT?

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Quick, pick a color!

Justin

Chartreuse.

Pick a SHORTER color!

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[on Mason's back and jumps off] Whew, we're back. Hm, long walk!

[breathing heavily] Yep! For some of us it was!

Excuse me! My arms are tired from hanging on and trying to steer. Your ears are really tiny but really cute. [smiles]

[smiles and rubs his ear]

Justin

While we were stuck in that government facility I was afraid I would never see Waverly Place again. I missed you. [kisses the ground] There was definitely a horse parade here recently.

[exhausted] I must have lost thirty pounds on that walk. Do you know how long it's going to take me to gain them back?

Justin

Why is the Sub Station all boarded up?

Oh gosh. I gotta get in there! I wanna take a bath without someone yelling at me, "Hey lady, get out of my pool!" [bangs on the door]

Go away government agents! I have a soda gun and its loaded with root beer!

Harper, it's us! We escaped from the government guys!

I'm not falling for that! The real Russos are too lame to escape from anywhere.

Harper!!! [bangs on the door] Open up!! We'd flash in there but we don't have our powers. We only got back by hitching rides, taking buses, and a lot of walking.

[whips his head to her] YOU DIDN'T WALK AT ALL!!! YOU HAD ME CARRY YOU LIKE A CAMEL!!! [smiles] Love.

Too lazy to walk? Oh Alex it really is you! All right, hold on. I'll let you in. I just have to dismantle a bunch of booby traps I set up to protect myself.

Hi guys.

[walks into the Sub Station] It's so good to be home! [gets hit by one of the traps] AH! [falls down and is unconscious]

Oops. I forgot to get rid of that one.

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You think they'd want anything to do with us anymore? You guys don't even have your powers. You're nothing without them. Nothing. (puts the ice pack on her face)

Justin

Guys come on. There's something wrong with the portal.

Justin

I can't contact anybody in the Wizard World. I've tried WizCom, WizPhone, WizText, and just straight up yelling into the thing. (opens portal door) Hello! Are you listening?

Nothing but a WizEcho.

(snorts) It's just a regular echo, Mason. We don't put "wiz" in front of everything.

Look! The Wizmergency Wizlight is on! That means the powers are still down. Oh no, the government must have captured everyone.

This is bad. That means they still have Professor Crumbs too. (goes in the restaurant kitchen and picks up the phone) Hello? I'd like to speak with the officer in charge.

What are you doing?

I'm calling the police. We have to do something to save the Wizard World. Hello officer yes I'd like to report-

Justin

(grabs phone) That you are doing a great job. Yep. Keep it up. Love ya! (hangs up phone) Alex! What were you gonna tell them?

(trying not to laugh) Not that I love them.

Justin

People don't hear it enough. Alex, you know you can't reveal magic.

Even I know that. That's why I just make people think I'm dumb. So if I slip up they'd figure, "Ah the kid's an idiot." I slip up all the time so...who's dumb now?

Alex, you can't call the police. We just need to lay low for awhile until this blows over and do nothing.

The wizard world is captured and you want us to do nothing? Fine. (goes upstairs)

The one time we ask the laziest girl on Earth to do nothing, she wants to do something!

I'm just happy she didn't ask me to carry her up the stairs.

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CUCUYS! I PROMISE I'LL BEHAVE MAMA! I'M SORRY! [continues screaming and runs upstairs]

Justin

What was she saying?

It sounded like she was ordering a number four from Fiesta Express.

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Justin

Future wizard?! [takes the magazine] What?

Oh, that's me.

Justin

[looks at Max then grunts angrily] You didn't even win the competition! That's it! I'm doing whatever it takes to get back into this thing. But first, I'm going to draw a silly mustache and maybe a uni brow to express my discontent. [goes into the storage room]

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Hey Justin. It looks like you are going to win the wizard competition, so I am going to pass the family robe down to you now.

Justin

Ah, what an honor.

Take good care of it.

I have finished my oil painting.

Coconut cream pies are done.

This is a box of mud.

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Justin

Let's learn the Up and Atom spell.

TTyler

Or we could learn the Kick Back and Chill spell instead. It goes like this. Abra- [puts foot up on table] Cadabra! (puts other foot up and table and puts hands behind head).

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In the lair:

(Alex, Harper, Max and Mason run inside the lair to get Justin.)