Karen Walker quotes from Will & Grace

Karen

C'mon, Grace. Let's get back in there. We've got a room full of lovely ladies. Let's put some music on and get those tops off.

Grace

You know it's not that kind of girl's night, right?

Karen

[smiles] We'll see.

Karen

So, Mr. Stein, now that we have Will's blessing, how would you like to come to my plush suite at the Palace Hotel?

I don't know. Now that it's not forbidden, it's just not as exciting.

Karen

Yeah, you're right. Let's go pick up another couple.

Awesome.

Karen

[knocks on the washing machine door glass] Where are the fish?

Jack

No, Karen. It is a laundromat. People come here to clean their clothes. Then they reuse them.

Karen

Why, poor people are just plain clever. I wonder, why they can't figure out a way to make more money?

So I had this apartment to myself for 10 years because I was having an affair with my boss and he paid half the rent so he'd have some place nice to do it. But then he got murdered and I couldn't really afford it on my own. So what's your story?

Karen

Since my marriage ended I've been living at The Palace, and even though I've made a lot of swell friends... it's lonely. [she tries to pour a soda into a glass without opening it] I want a real home, with real people. I mean you're real, right?

[opens and pours the soda as Karen looks in awe] Super real. So, okay, true or false? I'm easy to live with.

Karen

Um, true.

False! I'm a nitpicker supreme. I think it comes from all my years as a professional in the music biz.

Karen

You're in music?

I didn't want to put it on the ad because you get all these wannabees knocking on the door. I'm an office manager for the company that does those collections that you see on TV. You know "Hits of the 80's", "Ladies of the 80's", "Rock Ballad's of the 80's"... [pause] "The 90's"...

Karen

Well I can see why you'd want to keep that a secret Liz. I mean you must really never know if people are liking you for you or the 80's hits.

You should know that I like things done a certain way; just ask Melissa and Keith. They work under me. Like if they're 5 minutes late for work, I look at my watch, I look at them and they just get it. Oh my God I totally just bragged. Please tell me to shut up... cut to me still talking about myself.

Karen

Um, Liz, I know we haven't known each other very long but I think that you might be just about the most interesting person I've ever met... I could learn tons from you.

Okay, okay, true or false... I think you're great?

Karen

Um, false.

True!

Karen

Oh, this game is so hard!

Karen

I'll get a new lawyer. A better lawyer. A gayer lawyer!

Will

Well, good luck finding that.

[whispering] Pssst. I'd like you to have all your things out by tomorrow morning, all right?

Karen

[whispering] Oh, okay. Oh, pssst. I'd like you to eat me.

Will

That's the captain? That's your limo driver!

Karen

Drive a car, drive a boat, drive a plane...As long as I'm drunk, what's the difference?

Leo

What do you mean, Will was better? He couldn't find a g-spot with Yahoo! Maps.

YAHOOOO!

Karen

I like you. Wanna make out?

I like you too, lets see where the evening goes...

Karen

I hate Leo. Yeah.

Grace

What?

Karen

Yep. Hate him, hate him, hate him, hate him. He's dull, he's ugly and he don't make me laugh.

Karen

Beverley Leslie, with your pants so tight, won't you be my partner tonight?

Beverly

Ooh, I would be honored.

Leo

You think we can take 'em?

Grace

Please. Between the two of us, we've got eight feet on them.

James Earl Jones

I haven't taken an acting class since Lee Strasberg. I sat on a bench between Marlon Brando and Shelley Winters.

Karen

Honey, no offense, but how did that bench not break?

James Earl Jones

Who said it didn't?

Jack

Got anything written on your freakishly tinier boob?

Karen

It's only smaller when its scared.

Karen

Hey, Wilma, I need your help! Remember Loraine Finster, the dame who stole my husband and tried to bump me off? Well, I think I found her, a private dick said he dug up an "L. Finster" at the Hotel Kickerbocker. Come on, let's go down there and give her what-for!

Will

As much as I'd love to put on a trenchcoat and look for your grip on reality, I can't. I've got to take care of Mom.

Karen

Oh, how sweet, a gay man living with his mother..would you like me to pre-heat the oven or do you want to just jump right in?

Oh, hello, Karen. You know, I took your advice about overcoming pain with visualisation, I'm going to throw these painkillers away.

Karen

Oh, I'll throw them away for you, yep, right in the ol' trashcan. (tossing the pills down her her throat)