Karen Walker quotes from Will & Grace

Hello, my name is Reuben, and today, I am a bar mitzvah. Can I have a private dance in the champagne room?

Karen

How dare you? I am a lady of quality!

I have a $180 savings bond.

Karen

[taking his arm] Well, Reuben, you should have opened with that.

Karen

Honey, we need to do something about your doorman. He's a little handsy.

Will

We don't have a doorman.

Karen

Ah. Well, that makes sense. What kind of doorman would test people for colon cancer?

Karen

That was your First Lady trying to fix me up again.

Grace

Not sure we really trust her taste in men.

Karen

Like she had a choice.

Wow, so that voice comes out of you. I always pictured a sexy, animated rabbit.

Karen

That's how I picture myself, except with a whip.

Karen

So what if I make a little more effort than Malcolm? Are you saying that you've never gone out of your way for your man?

No, but to be fair, my men are women.

Karen

Oh - you're a vagitarian. Question: are you permanently parked in the lesbian zone, or do you move your car to alternate sides of the street from time to time for plowing?

This car is parked up on blocks with 100 tickets on the windshield.

Karen

It boils my blood that they still give tickets for being gay!

Have you even told your friends about us?

Karen

No, not yet, but I've been thinking... I think it's time for me to dump all my friends and get new ones who are Black and gay, like us!

Will

Oh, Karen, hi. Sorry, I must have butt-dialed.

Karen

Is there anything you people's butts can't do?

Will

So far, I've yet to be disappointed.

Grace

PostMates, EasyEats, GrubHub… it's the lazy, hungry person's Renaissance.

Karen

Oh, Grace, you're a couch-toilet away from all your dreams coming true.

Karen

You know, Stanley always thought you never came around because you were a little sweet on me.

Me? Sweet on my brother’s wife? I was always the bigger man.

Karen

That’s not physically possible. And I think he was right.

You do look stunning, I'll give you that... like a statue by Bernini that some kids have drawn huge gazongas on.

Karen

There's so much I don't know about baseball. Like, is there a "base-boobs" or "-oral"?

Jack

It depends. Are we talking gay or straight bases? Because we're dealing with different equipment.

Grace

I love how passionate you are about your team. I haven't seen you this excited about something since that Grey Goose truck crashed into that olive cart.

Karen

If it had been raining Vermouth, I would've believed in God.

Jack

C'mon, I know just the place. Let's go.

Will

Fine. I can't wait to see what filthy, depraved hellhole you're taking me to.

Karen

As long as there's a drag queen calling out Bingo numbers, I'm happy.

Will, this is for you. [hands him a bottle of wine] Karen told me you were a big, bold, complex guy - like this Cabernet.

Karen

Don't forget fruity and gives you a headache.

And Grace. [hands her a bouquet of flowers] Here's something beautiful and delicate, like yourself.

Karen

Don't forget slightly wilted and covered in bees.

Karen

Honey, thank God you called!

Grace

Karen, what's wrong?

Karen

I don't know where I am! It's so dark. I think I hear a seagull, and a foghorn...

Will

Karen, hang on!

Will

We're going to trace this call.

Karen

Ha-ha, busted! Leave a message! [phone message beeps]

Grace

I fell for that yesterday.

Jack

You know, Blattsville Creamery named a flavor of ice cream after Karen.

Will

Ooh, does it taste like gin, or blood?

Karen

Both. It's a swirl.