Karen Walker quotes from Will & Grace

You're sweet to talk to me. When someone dies, no one ever asks how the mistress is doing.

Karen

Yeah, tell me about it. Not one person came up to me at Reagan's funeral!

You were always popular and outgoing, and boys liked you more than they liked me.

Karen

Well, honey, if they did like me more than you, it was only because I was kind and I listened, and I let them bang me under the bleachers while their friends watched.

Karen

Hey, Jackie.

Jack

Hey, Kare. What's the story, drunken whorey?

Karen

Well, we need to do something to get Will and Grace back together. Honey, it's been almost two years.

Jack

Well, why does it always fall on us to help those two?

Karen

I know, poodle. Ya know, sometimes it seems like our sole purpose in life is just to serve Will and Grace.

Jack

Right! It's like all people see when they look at us are the supporting players on the Will and Grace Show!

Karen

Though, to be fair, we couldn't have our own show. We're good for poops and giggles, but it'd get silly after awhile.

Jack

And may I say, your knockers look especially full tonight.

Karen

Thank you. And may I say, you have the balls of a 30-year-old.

Karen

You're not still living together, are you?

Will

No! Well, she's living here right now...

Grace

Staying here. For just a couple of weeks until the dust settles.

Jack

On your genitals?

Grace

On my divorce.

Jack

Because of your genitals?

Rosario sent me up. I'm here to represent the staff. We'd like a raise.

Karen

Gimme a break, Mrs. Potato Head!

Rosario said, "Don't leave until the woman pays us what we're worth."

Karen

Did she call me the A-word, the B-word, or the C-word?

Yes, ma'am.

Why is your friend at the lady doctor?

Karen

Why does anyone go to any doctor? Fear and pills.

Beverly Leslie

Well, well, well. I must have died during surgery, because the Devil herself is before me.

Karen

Why, Beverly Leslie. I thought they'd torn down all the corroded, old Confederate statues.

Jack

Thanks for lending me your car, Karen. It's so fancy! What kind is it?

Karen

A black one. Oops, I mean an "African-AmeriCar". Better watch out for the PC police. Now, take me to Jew-dorf Goodman, you big, mincing butt pirate!

Grace

Did you just steal a badge from a cop?

Karen

Did you just eat an entire tray of sliders?

Grace

I'll keep your secret if you keep mine.

Grace

Will! I just got amazing news!

Karen

Grace got an STD!

Grace

I did not say "STD", I said "QVC".

Karen

Well, they're both ways to get something cheap that looks awful.

Will

All right, I am off to the tennis club. I know what you're thinking - didn't I already work out this morning? Yes, but if I burn off a few more calories after work, I can hit the pressed juicery. I know, those things are pure sugar, but what can I say, I love 'em.

Karen

Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait - oh, my God, I didn't know this was going to be a story about juice! You know what, back it up, start at the beginning, and really drag it out this time, okay?

Karen

[on the phone] One pound of proscuitto, one pound of mortadella, five kinds of cheese, from mild to stinky, big vat of coleslaw... [to Jack] Almost done.

Jack

Are you ordering a deli platter?

Karen

Having phone sex with Stan.

Will

Karen, you're a gorgeous woman, and as long as that contract you signed in blood holds up, you'll be gorgeous for eternity.

Karen

If you can't trust Satan, who can you trust?

Karen

What are you in for?

I tried to climb your precious wall.

Karen

Well, maybe you should do what other immigrants do to try to get in legally, like, I don't know, be white, or look white, or marry the president.