Karen Walker quotes from Will & Grace

Karen

You'll never guess who just walked in!

Jack

Is it Greg Evigan, from TV's B.J. and the Bear and, after a brief hiatus, My Two Dads?

Will

You know, I never realized how gay those shows sounded. It's a wonder he didn't follow them up with a show called "Hey Faggot!"

Karen

Jackie, you've been out here for so long. You must be freezing! Here, I brought you some soup.

Jack

This is gin.

Karen

It has noodles in it.

Will

[about Karen's pastry chef] The man is an artist. You wouldn't fire Picasso, would you?

Karen

I would and I did. He put both breasts on one side of my body. I wouldn't take it from plastic surgeon and I wouldn't take it from him.

Jack

I was just having an executive's meeting at OutTV, and I had a huge realization.

Will

That, six months ago, all of you were cater waiters?

Karen

That, six months from now, all of you will be cater waiters?

Jack

Will, you're mean. Karen, you're hilarious.

Karen

Rosie, as a reward for all your hard work, I made you a nice big turkey sandwich. It's hanging from a string off the balcony. If you can grab it, it's yours!

Rosario

Great. I put a tarantula in the liquor cabinet. If you can find it, it's yours!

Grace

Karen, what could you possibly see in Mr. Wolff? He's creepy and weird!

Karen

Honey, how could you say that? And after all the lovely things he said about you while he was watching you in his home office!

Karen

Honey, I have connections. I can get him a part.

Jack

Fantastic! But wait - if you have connections, why have you never gotten me a part?

Karen

Honey, I said I had connections, not superpowers.

Karen

You're cute - and I usually find redheads hideous. So tell me, does the carpet match the drapes?

I don't know. I've got wood floors.

Malcolm

Excuse me, miss. Malcolm Widmark. I hope this isn't too forward, but I find you very beautiful, and I look forward to the day when I see you ride that chair toward me on a very bumpy street in a town where everyone is naked.

Karen

[offers her hand] Karen Walker. And it is a pleasure to meet a true gentleman.

Karen

Hey, J. Hey, WAG.

Grace

Huh?

Karen

Will and Grace - WAG.

Will

Just glad my name isn't Frank.

Karen

Malcolm?

Malcolm

Yes?

Karen

[sadly] Sailboats and sunsets.

Malcolm

Sailboats and sunsets, baby. [leaves]

Grace

That's so romantic. What did that mean?

Karen

Oh, it's too complicated to explain... He nailed me on a Windjammer at 6:17 PM.

Jack

If you were worried we'd cancel our dinner, why didn't you just say so?

Karen

Well, I'm a proud woman, Jackie. It's not easy for me to talk about my feelings. Plus, I'm high most of the time, so there's that.

Jack

Thanks a lot, Karen! I took your advice and tried to be a father to Elliot, and we got into a fight! He said I wasn't his real father and he stormed off!

Karen

Oh, honey, he didn't mean it. Mason and Olivia say horrible things about me...and sometimes to the police!

Jack

Hey, what's in the bag, fag?

Will

Oh. Muffins from James. Do you think it's weird that he got them by cutting in line and then lying about needing them for his dying mother?

Karen

No, not at all, honey. I mean, that's the same way we used to get bread and juice during the Great Depre...Eighties.

Karen

Smoking in the office...how inappropriate! Hey, does anyone mind if I take my boob out for a second?

Grace

It's one thing at dinner, Karen, but work is where I draw the line.