Rockapella quotes from Where in the World Is Carmen Sandiego?

Chief

And this is Double Trouble, Carmen's diabolical dual of do-badders.

(singing) Double Trouble (Trouble)

Chief

Their last known whereabouts: Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. Next to Rio's Guanabara Bay stands a towering chunk of granite rising 1,300 feet. The Indians who first lived here called the pointy isolated peak, Pot de Sucre, which means pointy isolated peak. Then the Portuguese changed it to Pâo de Açucar, or Sugarloaf. English nanny Henrietta Carstairs was the first European to scale Sugarloaf in 1817. Now hundreds of people a day take a six minute cable car ride to the peak. But no more because today, Double Trouble, engineers of mayhem, rallied through Rio, ripped off the rock, and, well, ran away. Gumshoes, you've got to catch Carmen and rustle up those...

(singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo

Chief

...RIO ROCK WRANGLERS!

Now, I really do think we're gettin' close to catchin' Double Trouble. All we hafta do is contin--

Oh, you think so, do you?!

It's my upstairs neighbor, Mrs. Pumpkinclanger. (enters the alley and looks up at Mrs. Pumpkinclanger) Hey, Mrs. P!

"How that red rain hath made the harvest grow", said the poet Lord Byron. He was describing a sight in the center of Belgium, where Napoleon fought his last battle in 1815 and now Double Trouble are a blight on that same sight. Uh, you know, I'm a bit of a poet myself. (shows a book) The stench of crime lies heavy upon us. Like a patient etherised upon a table and alas my downstairs neighbors are a clumsy surgeon and trusted with its cure. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Good-bye. (shuts her window)

Good-bye. Thank-- Thank you very much. Thanks a lot. By the way, we have copies of her book in the lobby after the show. Okay?

If you guys don't move, you'll be in a mountain of trouble.

Where to, Carmen?

Go to the country once known as Mesopotamia. It was one of the first civilizations on earth.

Well, that was then. What's there now?

The country's capital is a big city on both banks of the Tigris River. It's also the center of industry and transportation. They're reconstructing after the damage from the Gulf War.

We're there, boss! Let's rock the Cradle of civilization!

Chief

This thing is sorta drafty, Greg. Can you close the window?

No windows, Chief. This is the economy model.

Chief

And this is Top Grunge, Carmen Sandiego's marauding mud-faced mechanic.

(singing) Top Grunge

Chief

His last known whereabouts: northern India. The 1,700 mile-long Grand Trunk Road cuts across northern India from Pakistan to Calcutta. The route was probably first used in 1500 BC by invading armies from the north. Its narrow lanes have been in heavy use ever since. Even now it's India's most important road, trucks, buses, passenger cars, ox carts, camel caravans, and herds of cattle, plus yearly floods and muds make it a famously wild ride. Or it was until today when that skanky smelling cyclist Top Grunge rolled the road up and whisked it away. Gumshoes, it's your job to get it back, catch Carmen Sandiego, and stop...

(singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo

Chief

Hey, nice boat, Greg.

Yep, all the comforts of home.

(when Grunge is revealed; in a grungy voice) Top Grunnnnnnnnnnnge!

Yeah!

Movin' on! (sings their fanfare; as Earl is about to leave his podium, when the confetti starts falling)

No, wait! (Earl heads back to his podium) Okay, yeah. Good. Okay. Now come here. Oh, we're very serious about our confetti, sir.

Chief

And this is Kneemoi, Carmen Sandiego's antisocial extraterrestrial ectoplasm.

(singing) Kneemoi

Chief

Her last known whereabouts: Cuba. This island nation is home to the world's smallest bird, the bee hummingbird. These dinky guys are only about two inches long from bill to tail, and weigh less than a penny. They lay half the size of jelly beans. Bee hummers can flap their wings about 80 times per second. They're so small and fast that even bird experts often mistake them for insects. The bee hummingbird is only found in Cuba. Or it was until today when Kneemoi cruised into Cuba with a bright idea. Disguised as a flower, she tempted the hummers, then hauled them off. She plans to turn them into the Roddenberrian Tabernacle Choir. Gumshoes, you got to grab that flying felon, catch Carmen, and undo...

(singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo

Chief

...THE BEE-BIRD BURGLARY!

Chief

And this is Vic the Slick, Carmen Sandiego's breezy markie of sleaze.

(singing) Vic the Slick

Chief

His last known whereabouts: Cambodia. Deep in the Cambodian jungle lie the breathtaking ruins of Angkor Wat. This vast temple complex was begun in the 9th century AD and finished in the 13th. At first, it was a shrine to Hindu gods Vishnu, Krishna, and Rama. When the Cambodian royalty converted from Hinduism to Buddhism, Buddha became a new star in the statuary. Abandoned for centuries, Angkor Wat was rediscovered in the 1860s and it's now being restored. Or it was until today when Vic the Slick stole the temples of Angkor Wat and spirited them off. Gumshoes, you've got to capture Carmen and vanquish Vic because...

(singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo

Chief

...ANGKOR'S AWAY!

Chief

And this is Sarah Nade, Carmen Sandiego's raucous rock and roll robber.

(singing) Sarah Nade

Chief

Her last known whereabouts: North Carolina. People don't holler much anymore, but in the era before telephones, farmers communicated with their distant neighbors by hollering like this: (hollering) There were trouble hollers, greeting hollers, good time hollers, oh, you name it. Now, every year the small North Carolina town of Spivey's Corner hosts the National Hollerin' Contest. People from all over compete in this almost lost art. Or they did until today when Sarah Nade skated into Spivey's Corner, dug the den, then heisted every holler. Gumshoes, you've got a job to do. Subdue Sarah Nade and HAUL THE HOLLERIN' HOME!

Chief

And this is Wonder Rat, Carmen's rabble-rousing rodent.

(singing) Wonder Rat

Chief

His last known whereabouts: La Cuidad de Mèxico. On a quiet corner in the Coyoacan section of Mexico City stands a bright blue house, the home were Frida Kahlo was born. Some critics call her one of this century's greatest painters. The house is now the Frida Kahlo museum where you'll find the largest collection of her work, mostly stunning self-portraits that reflect her troubles and her intense pride and nationality and family. But today, Wonder Rat crept into Coyoacan and hatched an evil plan. With the help of a cheesy beast of burden, he hitched up the museum and hauled it off. He plans to use it to showcase his own cheesy self-portrait. Gumshoes, here's today's case.

(singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo

Chief

NOW MUSEUM, NOW YOU DON'T!

Chief

And this is Top Grunge, Carmen's bad biker burglar who grooms with chain grease.

(singing) Top Grunge

Chief

His last known whereabouts: Zaire, home of the Eastern Lowland gorilla. These gentle quiet animals have only one real enemy: people. In past years, people hunted them as trophies, and now people are cutting down the forest to make room for houses and farmland. The gorillas are being forced from their jungle home and right to the edge of extinction, and today their problems just got worse. Top Grunge, that slimy primate, zapped into Zaire, and glommed every gorilla. He wants a gang that's hairier than he is. Gumshoes, you got to stop him, corral Carmen and bring in that...

(singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo

Chief

...LOWLAND LOWLIFE!

Chief

And this is Eartha Brute, Carmen Sandiego's glowering tower of dollar power.

(singing) Eartha Brute, huh

Chief

Her last known whereabouts: Yosemite National Park. El Capitan, the world's largest bear granite cliff, rises 3,600 feet into the air. It was formed by glaciers that covered Yosemite two to three million years ago. In 1864, Abraham Lincoln made Yosemite the USA's first protected park. El Capitan has inspired many since then, including photographic genius Ansel Adams for whom it was a favorite subject. But there was yowling in Yosemite today when Eartha Brute, that big galoot, repelled down El Capitan, then lugged it away. You've got to bust that repellant repeller, gumshoes. It's up to you to solve...

(singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo

Chief

...YOSEMTIE CALAMITY!

Chief

And this is Patty Larceny, Carmen Sandiego's heinous, brainous teenage terror.

(singing) P-P-P-Patty

Chief

Her last known whereabouts: Washington, D.C. The Hope Diamond may be the world's most famous jewel. Named for the English family who owned it from 1830 until 1901, the flawless blue stone weighs 45.5 karats. Huh, that's big. Superstition says that anyone who touches the Hope Diamond will die, and to that I say, "Of course they will, because everybody dies eventually!" Well, anyway... in 1958, the Hope's last owner donated it to the Smithsonian, where it's been on display ever since. Until today, that is, when pernicious Patty, with teenage dreams of glamor in her brainy head, sidled into the Smithsonian, heisted the Hope, and sashayed away with it. Who says dreams can't come true? We do! Gumshoes, you've got to grab that girl and catch Carmen, and stop...

(singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo

...THE HOPE ELOPEMENT!

I used to be a sweet innocent schoolgirl. Now I'm a sweet guilty schoolgirl and it's all Carmen's fault! Go look for her in South America.

Chief

And this is Double Trouble, Carmen Sandigo's partying pair of pilfers.

(singing) Double Trouble (Trouble)

Chief

Their last known whereabouts: Bombay, India's moviemaking Mecca. Bombay cranks out six to eight hundred films a year, three times as many as Hollywood. That's why some call Bombay Bollywood. R.K. Movie Studio, one of Bombay's biggest, makes films called Masala movies. Fantasies that combine action, romance, comedy, and hit songs. Many people in India are too poor to own a TV, but most can scrape together eight rupees to see a film. Or they could until today when Double Trouble boogied into Bombay and stole the studio, the lights, the camera, the action, they're all gone. Gumshoes, you've got a job to do. Bust those twin twits and stop...

(singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo

Boys, those ACME goons are on to us. Where've you been?

Well, now, chill out, Carmen. We took the studio starlets ice skating in West Africa.

Ice? In West Africa? Who do you think you're kidding?

Not you, boss lady. We're at the Hotel Ivoire in Abidjan. Home of West Africa's first ice rink.

Abidjan? That's just 5 degrees north of the Equator.

Yep. Ain't modern refrigeration amazing? Listen, Carmen. We'll shake ACME as soon as we practice our Triple Sow Cow.

Chief

Watch the altitude, Greg. The air gets thinner up high.

Don't worry, Chief, this is a pressurized basket.

Hello?

Greg?

Yeah?

This is your doctor.

Yeah.

I got your letter about your little problem.

Well, I don't think I want you to talk about that on national--

No, No, there's nothing to be ashamed of, Greg. Lots of people drool in their sleep.

Oh, yeah.

All I suggest is, uh, sleep in a raincoat or put a spittoon by your bed.

Well, I think that's kinda silly.

And hey, hey, you're in good company, Greg. Plenty of celebrities drool.

Like who?

Lassie, Mr. Ed, Scooby Doo.

Yeah.

Benji.

Benji? (hangs up the phone) I had no idea what he was talkin' about. All of that was completely made up. What we're waiting for now is a call from Carmen Sandiego. (the phone rings again) There. This must be her. Yes? Thank you for callin'. (hands Folake the phone) It's for you.

Hello? (Double Trouble tell Folake to go to North America)

Chief

And this is Eartha Brute, Carmen Sandiego's darling of devious deltoid devastation.

(singing) Eartha Brute, huh

Chief

Her last known whereabouts: Philadelphia, PA, home of the world-renowned cheesesteak. These tasty fast-ordered delicacies are made by filling a soft hoagie roll with fried strips of thinly sliced beefsteak and topping it with melted cheese. Oh. Oh, that looks good. Personally, I like mine with extra, extra, extra, extra onions. Now, sure you can get them in other towns but take it from me, cheesesteaks taste better when you eat them in Philly, period. Or they did until today when Eartha Brute bibbed up then bopped off with all the cheesesteak in town. Stop her before she eats the whole haul for breakfast, gumshoes, it's your job to solve...

(singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo

Chief

...THE CHEESE STEAK BRUTE QUAKE!

For our next clue, we turn to our agent from ACME kindly dear old granny net. Hit it, Nana Rap!

Thanks, sonny. Let's rock the house! (echoes 4 times and rock music plays)

Nana Rap, ladies and gentlemen! Let's hear it for her please.

Eartha, I'm sending you to Lilongwe, an African capital. But first, get some new clothes.

But, Carmen. I like what I'm wearing. It shows my muscles.

Well, this is a very modest country. Women can't wear shorts or pants. They're against the law.

Oh, sure. And the guys get to wear what they want?

Nope. Long hair that touches the collar is against the law. So are bell bottom trousers.

Gee. Then I guess I gotta go shopping. There just isn't much selection in the size 82 petite, you know.

Chief

Greg, do we really need all these wagons?

I had to make sure we brought enough snack food along, Chief. Want a pretzel?

Nobel Library. (Shoeprints are revealed)

Shh!

(each time the Cheesesteaks are revealed in the 2nd round)

Chief

And this is Sarah Nade, Carmen's pointy-haired princess of punk.

(singing) Sarah Nade

Chief

Her last known whereabouts: China. Mao Zedong wasn't wild about competition, so it wasn't until 1984 that Communist China sponsored an Olympic team. That year, they won 32 medals and they've been improving ever since. Many of China's medals were won by women who excelled in sports like volleyball and diving. Now more than one in five people on earth are Chinese, so there'd seem to be no limit to China's Olympic potential. Or at least, there wasn't until today when Sarah Nade rolled into China, pinned every last Chinese Olympic medal to her ears, and rollerbooted for the borderline. Gumshoes, you'd better catch Carmen and grab that HEAVY MEDAL MEDDLER!

Chief

And this is Vic the Slick, that clown who spells class with a capital K.

(singing) Vic the Slick

Chief

His last known whereabouts: Gdansk, Poland. In 1980, Lech Walęsa led workers at a Gdansk shipyard at a braid strike against Poland's Communist government. They called their union, "Solidarity." The government banned Solidarity but you know what happened. Communism fell in Poland and Lech Walęsa became president. The shipyard in Gdansk is still running, located on one of Poland's busiest ports. Or it was until today when Vic the Slick floated into Gdansk, wielded his welder and heavy-duty tin snips, and then shipped out with the shipyard. Gumshoes, the Polish people are depending on you. Get back the shipyard and close the book on today's caper...

(singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo

Chief

...THE SLICK SHIP RIPOFF!

Chief, I love these little cars! Where'd ya get 'em?

Chief

Oh, ACME Wet Muffler-Net sent them over.

(each time the Gdansk Shipyard is revealed)

Chief

And this is Kneemoi. There's a posse on every planet pursuing this perpetrator.

(singing) Kneemoi

Chief

Her last known whereabouts: Mombasa, Kenya's second largest city. The deep calm waters of Mombasa's harbor have attracted shipping for centuries, and shipping means big business. What do Mombasa's corporation count on for communications, calculations, and commerce? Computers, of course. But computers aren't much without their memories and that's what's missing in Mombasa. Today, Kneemoi mamboed into Mombasa, disguised herself as a computer virus, and infected every motherboard, every other board, every chip and disk. The memories gone from every computer in Mombasa. Gumshoes, you've got to become...

(singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo

Chief

...CHIP & DISK'S RESCUE RANGERS!

So we'll get started with our very first clue, which come to us from ACME Tonight-Net agent Jay Leno. Jay.

Hey, gumshoes. Kneemoi is on an island in the Indian Ocean, east of Madagascar. You know who used to live there? Uh, dodo birds. Big headed, waddling, flightless guys that kinda look like huge distorted pigeons. You won't get the scoop on Kneemoi from the dodos though. They've been extinct for about 320 years. So you're gonna have to snag her yourself.

Thanks, Jay.

Buckle up, Chief. This thing's pretty fast.

Chief

I can't buckle up, Greg. I'm digital.

Queen's College. (Shoeprints are revealed)

Nothing!

Thank you!

No problemo! (Greg laughs)

Federal Palace Hotel. (Shoeprints are revealed)

Nothing!

Thank you!

It's a livin'! (Greg laughs)

Chief

And this is Patty Larceny, Carmen Sandiego's sweet and sneaky schoolgirl.

(singing) P-P-P-Patty

Chief

Her last known whereabouts: Chicago, Illinois. You might think American theater starts and ends at Broadway, but there are professional theaters all over the country. Chicago's Goodman Theater is one of the best. That's why actors like Brian Dennehy and Kathleen Turner perform there alongside the Goodman's resident company. The Goodman has presented live drama, comedy, and musicals since 1925. Or it did until today when Patty Larceny showed up armed with an autographed book and a bouquet. She took center stage and rocked the place to tears, then she mopped it off and vanished into thin air. Gumshoes, you've got to close this case...

(singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo

Chief

...BADWOMAN STEALS GOODMAN!

EGGMAN!! YEAH!

(sleeps)

Come on, you guys! Come on! The Eggman!

(applauds)

Come on. Answer. ACME's closing in!

(on answering machine) Hi. This is Patty. I can't come to the phone right now. Leave a message and if I can fit you into my busy schedule, I'll get back to you. (machine beeps)

Guess who, twinkletoes? If you don't scram, I'll be leaving messages with your warden. Take the theatre to a capital on the Danube River. The nightlife there has been buzzing since the fall of Communism. Restaurants, cafes, and theatres are all crowded with people. There's even a Pah shopping street nicknamed the Fifth Avenue of eastern Europe. And one more thing, I really hate answering machines. (machine beeps and Carmen hangs up the phone)

Chief

And the wheels on the bus go round and round. Round and round. Round and round. Around--

Chief. Chief. Chief, I've always hated that song.

(each time the Goodman Theatre is revealed)