Jade quotes from Victorious

Is that mac and cheese?

Tori

Who cares?!

[Muttering] Just wanted to know if it was mac and cheese...

Jade

[comes in and looks at Tori. The two stare at each other for a few seconds] ...I don't get it.

Tori

What?

Jade

I know Andre told you that I faked everything. The blood, the black eye- what is that, mac and cheese?

Looks like it, right?

Tori

Well, it looked like he was hurting you.

Jade

[suspiciously] Why do you care?

Tori

Because I figured he already suffers enough pain dating you

Jade

[retaliating] You wanna see pain?

Beck

Hey! Why don't we go sit over there? [Both Beck and Jade walk away]

Jade

You people give me a rash.

(calling out) ... What kind of rash?

Jade

Hey, Vega. Tori.

Tori

What?

Jade

Try this coffee and tell me what it tastes like. [Hands the cup to Tori]

Tori

Okay. [Drinks the coffee] Hazelnut?

Jade

I don't know, I found it in the garbage.

Tori

Okay birthweek ideas for Trina. Andre you start us off.

Andre

Cheese.

Tori

Cheese?

Andre

Let's not do cheese.

Tori

Robbie?

Robbie

Lotion, or various lotions.

Tori

Gross. Cat?

Cat

Well for my last birthday I thought my parents were going to get me a bike, but then I got home and my brother was cutting off his hair and my mom started yelling and...

Tori

Jade?

Jade

What?

Tori

What should I get Trina for her birthweek?

Jade

Talent.

Sinjin

Jade is so pretty.

Jade

3,2,1.

Tori

[reading and holding a script] I don't know.

Robbie

[reading and holding a script] Oh come on!

Tori

Why are you in love with me?

Robbie

Because you're beautiful. Look at your face in the moonlight.

Tori

I can't.

Robbie

You can.

Tori

No, a person can't look at their own face. It's impossible.

Robbie

Then marry me and I'll buy you a thousand mirrors.

Tori

But that's so many!

Robbie

My father is a billionaire. I can give you everything you ever wanted. And I'm very good looking.

Tori

Eh.

Robbie

Think.

And lights. Go.

Tori

[turns to Beck] I don't know.

Beck

It's okay that you don't know.

Tori

But you deserve an answer.

Beck

I can wait. For you, I can wait a thousand years.

Tori

But that's so many!

Jade

[holding a book and texting]

Beck

I know I'm poor. I know that I don't have that much to offer but I do love you.

Tori

[turns away] Because I'm beautiful?

Beck

I don't love you because you're beautiful. [touches Tori's shoulder]

Tori

[turns around]

Beck

You're beautiful because I love you.

Tori

Whoa.

Jade

[rolls her eyes]

Jade

What up with the disco?!

Sinjin

I'm sorry! I hit the wrong thing!

Jade

NO! 15 YEARS AGO, YOUR MOTHER GAVE BIRTH TO THE WRONG THING!!

Jade

WILL YOU KILL THE DISCO?!!

Sinjin

NO-ONE can kill disco!

Cat

...Don't you guys wanna know what that is?

Jade

Is it a transporter from the future that can beam you to another table, because if it is, what button do I push?

Cat

That's so hurtful! [sits down next to Tori]

Tori

You know, you don't always have to be mean to everyone.

Cat

See? Tori's interested in my device!

Tori

I'm really not...

André

[puts his hand on Cat's shoulder] Aw, c'mon, little red, tell us about your doohicky.

Cat

Okay. It's called...the Snowbee! Watch. [presses a button, causing fake snow to fly all over the gang and their food] Wheee! [puts her hands up. Jade presses a button to shut it off] It makes pretend snow!

André

I see that.

Beck

It's all over my tostada.

Tori

And my pizza.

Cat

Well, don't eat it!

Jade

Why?

Cat

Because, it says the fake snow is toxic and can cause abdominal bleeding.

Robbie

Do you guys think that my blog on TheSlap is boring?

Beck

Hey, look, it's that guy over there!

Cat

It IS that guy!

André

Wait up, guy! [everyone walks out from the table except Tori and Robbie]

Jade

There is no guy.

Tori

He's a dead man!

Jade

Beck and I aren't splitting up!

Beck

Well...

Jade

Dude!

Beck

Kidding!

Andre

I use an appropriate amount of ketchup!

Tori

Let's go face this right now! (they all walk out, leaving Cat with her catalog) Cat, are you coming?

Cat

Oh, my god! Underwear that floats!

Jade

Beck and I...are NOT splitsville!

Beck

Well...

Jade

Is there something you wanna talk about?!

Beck

Kidding!

Beck

Come on! Let's just go, it'll be fun.

Jade

No...

Beck

Why not?

Jade

'Cause, I didn't shower this morning and I had tuna fish for lunch, and I-- [stops and looks behind her to see the recorder] There's a dude in the back seat! [the recorder starts to flee from them]

Beck

What the-- hey man, what are you-- What are you doing?! This is MY car! Are you out of your mind?! I--

Jade

[at the same time] Get out! What's wrong with you?! Yeah, you better run or I'm gonna kill you! Can you believe this? [Tori angrily shuts her laptop]

Tori

[feels Jade’s arm] You're not sweaty?

Jade

Sweating is gross, so I don't do it.

Tori

Everyone sweats.

Not Jade.

Robbie

Jade never sweats.

Tori

So what are you? Like, cold blooded?

Jade? Cold blooded? What a surprise.

[laugh]

Jade

[grabs a tube of sunscreen and squirts Rex in the face]

Ah! That witch got sunscreen in my eyes. Help me Rob.

Tori

Hey...hey, Sinjin. He's face down in the kiddie pool.

Jade

...Yep.

André

(checks his phone) It's cool; he's still got two minutes left. (Tori and Robbie hurry over to the kiddie pool)

Tori

(turns Sinjinn over) Are you okay? (he gargles)

Robbie

Maybe you should give him mouth to mouth? (Sinjin gargles again)

Tori

...Nah, he's alright. (she flees)

Cat

(runs out of trailer) Gotta pee, gotta pee, gotta pee, gotta pee, gotta pee...

Beck

Hurry back.

Cat

(in the distance) Kay-kay!

Jade

She has the bladder of a squirrel.