Tori quotes from Victorious

Tori

This is so cool! We're blondes! Wooo! We're like princesses!

Jade

Can you be the princess that gets poisoned?

Cat

Why are you so excited to be blonde?

Tori

Cause guys love blonde girls, especially with blue eyes. You watch, tonight we're gonna get extra special treatment!

Cat

My brother gets special treatment. From special doctors. (pause) It's court ordered.

Tori

Oh, Cat. I feel like I've done something terrible to you.

Cat

Yeah.

Tori

You hate me now?

Cat

(sighs) No. I just want something bad to happen to you. Not like really bad, just something to ruin your weekend.

Tori

I'll try.

Cat

I'd appreciate it. (pause) Can I just be alone now?

Tori

Okay. (puts her arms out) Hug?

Cat

No.

Robbie

That does it! Catarina Valentine, I will not sit here anymore and listen to you talk bad about yourself! You're adorable. Any guy would be lucky as cheese to go out with you.

Cat

Thanks, Robbie, that was really sweet, but you don't know how guys think.

Robbie

(flabbergasted) Uh...how could...good day! (storms off)

Tori

Cheese is lucky?

Robbie

(from offscreen) Yes!

Tori

Jade, tell Cat that when this boy sees her pretty red hair tonight, he's gonna like her even more.

Jade

Uh, can't do that.

Tori

Why not?

Jade

Cause I'm looking at Evan's Splash Face page, scrolling through pics of his ex-girlfriends: blonde, blonde, blonde - whoa, ugly blonde - uh, blonde, oh, and his blue eyed dog with blonde fur. I'm thinking Evan goes for blondes.

Tori

Oh, that doesn't mean anything. What are his likes and dislikes?

Jade

Uh, likes sushi, video games, girls with blonde hair and blue eyes.

Tori

Dislikes?

Jade

People who pretend to be something they're not.

Cat

Oh, no! Can I have your underwear again? (Tori hands Cat her underpants, and she cries into them)

Tori

You see what blonde girls get? Free stuff! Cha-ching. Yeah yeah.

Jade

It's a magical night.

Cat

You need to go to the bathroom?

Tori

(confused) No...

Cat

Oh I do...Back in a boo!

Cat

One time, my brother found a vacuum cleaner in our church basement. He took it home and now he keeps it in his room.

Tori

Well, you should call the church and tell them he has it.

Cat

Ohhhhhh... they wouldn't want it back.

Jade

What is this, a meeting?

Cat

That's what my brother calls it when he and his friends hang out together and eat meat.

Tori

What?

Cat

A meating! Get it? (giggles) He's a disaster.

Andre

Those beams. Those laser beams! It's like a cage! A cage! Aaaah, I can't take it!!! Aaah, can't take it, aaah, can't take it! Can't take it!!!

Jade

(deadpan, to Andre) Hey, just checkin'. Can you take it?

Andre

No! Man, how long have we been sittin' here like this?

Beck

12 minutes.

Andre

I can't handle being trapped like this. We're like animals!

Cat

Oooh, can I be a hippapotamoose?

Beck

What?

Cat

It's French. For hippopotamus.

Trina

I gotta wazz.

Jade

So wazz!

Trina

Wazz where?

Jade

Just grab a bin.

Trina

Oh, ho, ho, Trina Vega does not wazz in bins.

Tori

At that movie you wazzed in a popcorn bucket.

Trina

A bucket is not a bin.

Andre

Cat, no!

Tori

What are you doing?

Cat

I wanted to lick the laser beam with my tongue.

Tori

Why?

Cat

(sighs) Well...

Tori

You wanna know what flavor it is, don't you?

Tori

You have no right to be mad at us because you and Beck broke up and we like each other, ok?!

Jade

I'm not.

Tori

[surprised] You're what?

Jade

I'm not mad.

Cat

Careful, it's a trick!

Jade

It's not a trick. I...I thought I was mad, but now that I'm here, what do I have to be mad about? We broke up, we're all friends, (gestures to Tori) kind of. I mean, any of us should be able to hang out with whoever we want.

Cat

Still thinkin' it's a trick.

Cat

Hi!

Tori

Oh, hi, Cat.

Cat

Hi! (pause) Oh, wait, I already said that.

Tori

It's alright.

Cat

So, you guys are all gonna go see the big bone tomorrow night?

Tori

No, Andre and Robbie decided they're gonna make a video to try to win the new Pear Pad 3.

Cat

Oh, I hear it has a new screen. Slightly better.

Tori

It's very exciting.

Cat

So you don't have any plans tomorrow night?

Tori

No, I do. Beck and I are gonna...

Cat

Oooooh...

Tori

Stop, it's not like a date.

Cat

Oh, right. (winks)

Tori

Stop doing that with your eye! We're just hanging out. You know, friends...ish.

Cat

Oh, so I can tell people you're going out with Beck?

Tori

We're not going out.

Cat

So you're staying in with him?

Tori

No!

Cat

I see you, girl.

Tori

Just don't tell anyone!

Cat

Ok. I'll keep your dirty secret. (winks repeatedly)

Jade

Is that a new shirt?

Tori

(looking pleased) Yeah.

Jade

Yikes! Why does it say I'm stupid?

Tori

It does not- (looks at her shirt) oh.

Jade

Where is he?

Cat

Hi.

Tori

I don't remember saying "come in".

Jade

I don't remember saying you could hog Moose.

Tori

What are you talking about?

Jade

(imitating Tori) Oh, Moose my goodness, I certainly do enjoy a fine game of hockey.

Cat

(imitating Tori) Oh, please take me to the hockey game, Moose. I'm ever so desperate!

Tori

I don't talk like that!

Jade

Whatever. You have been hogging Moose and you know it.

Cat

Moose hogger.

Tori

How can I hog a guy if he's not even here?!

Jade

Then where is he?

Tori

He said he wanted to hang out with Beck.

Cat

Hmmm.

Jade

I bet they're at Karaoke Dokie right now.

Cat

Cause that's where the hamburgers are.

Jade

Later.

Cat

Gator.

Cat

When my brother was little, he used to have a Tinkle Aid stand. (giggles) It was so cute, he'd stand around all day yelling "Tinkle Aid, twenty five cents a cup!"

Tori

I hope you meant he had a lemonade stand.

Cat

(giggles) No...

Tori

No, we don't want YOU!

Jade

Go get the ugly waiter!

Tori

[whispers] She's actually a dude!