Amy Brookheimer quotes from Veep

Amy

Oh, my God, you Patient I.Q. Zero, you infected all those nutballs who don't believe in vaccination!

Jonah

Well, it serves them right.

Amy

Didn't you have chicken pox as a child? Or were you too busy bed-wetting and cutting fuckholes in watermelons?

Jonah

Amy, that only works with fleshy melons.

Duh!

Jonah

And sometimes pumpkins.

Amy

How long have you been taking these?

Ever since Jonah whacked me on the nose at the rally, but the pain went away in two days. They gave me 97 pills, though, so now I just take them for the going away of my feelings.

Amy

So, you're not pregnant?

Oh, no. Jonah and I don't want any more kids until I can get my cake-pop business off the ground. Oh, and until we can do genetic testing to make sure they're not born dead.

Selina

I wanna offer Jonah the VP slot.

What?

Selina

Yeah, it's the only move we have left now, and we're gonna have to get it done today.

Kent

Ma'am, there are still numerous permutations that can play out here. You don't have to do this.

Selina

Do the goddamn Islamic math. You're the numbers guy.

Kent

Fuck the numbers! I will not be part of a campaign, let alone an administration, that includes Jonah Ryan as vice president! That is an entirely unacceptable outcome!

Selina

Amy, will you talk some sense into him, please?

Amy

Don't do it.

Selina

What?

Amy

Don't make Jonah your VP.

Selina

You know what I just remembered? You are a terrible campaign manager.

Amy

Ma'am, you can't let an embittered, vindictive, narcissistic man-child be one heartbeat away from the presidency, let alone be the president!

Selina

Amy, there's no safer place to stick Jonah Ryan in all of Washington, D.C. Being Vice President is like being declawed, defanged, neutered, ball-gagged, and sealed in an abandoned coal mine under two miles of human shit! It is a fate worse than death! Besides, I'm not gonna die, 'cause I've got the heart and the twat of a high school cheerleader who's only done anal!