Selina Meyer quotes from Veep

Selina

I'm the Vice President of the United States, you stupid little fuckers! These people should be begging me! That door should be half its height so that people can only approach me in my office on their goddamn, motherfucking knees.

Selina

Mike, this is not a story. Collins made a bunch of faces, he was reassigned. That shouldn't be news. How in the hell did this happen? It's the secret service, for Christ's sake. Secret as in shut the fuck up. And service as in you work for me, okay? So why don't you shut the fuck up? We have an enemy and I want a name and a severed head that answers to that name, or would if it could still talk.

Selina

[to Mike] Did you find out who the President's playing golf with? [off of Mike's expression] Golf! You know, men walking around with sticks, talking about their careers.

Selina

'Cause of that smiling secret service guy, Amy, 66 percent disapprove. That's everyone in America who's awake right now.

Selina

Okay, folks, Kent Davison is back. So, number one: what are we gonna do about it? Number two: why am I telling you this news? And number three: would you please hang up the phone because I'm the fucking Vice President of the United States and I have something to say.

Selina

[to Statistician 1] You take your eyebrows, and you get out!

Selina

[on the phone with her ex-husband] No, I want Catherine to spend Thanksgiving with me, not some random boyfriend. And what about poor Memaw, who's guaranteed to be dead by March? [quietly to Amy] With any luck.

Selina

[to Jonah] You know what, why don't you put on your running shoes and get to the fuckin' point, Jonah?

Selina

[to Jonah] Get off the plane.

Selina

[Watching Danny Chung on TV] See, this is the problem with high-definition. You don't want to see a dick in hi-def.

Selina

Once again, Andrew, you have totally lived down to my expectations. When I invited you here to the residence to fuck me, I didn't mean this.

Selina

All I'm saying is that there are going to be difficult choices to make, you know? Like Sophie's Choice choices, except more important because it's gonna be about me.

Selina

Well, I have huge news. In fact, I guarantee you that my news is front-page news. Your news is probably more like a page six, Kardashian crap news.

Selina

I've got to get out of here before I set fire to one of these nerds.

Selina

Let's get the merry old fuck out of merry old England. Okay, I need to be driven to the airport at Diana speed. Okay, just more carefully, though, please.