Ben Cafferty quotes from Veep

Kent

Ma'am, we're scrapping tomorrow's schedule. You're making an appearance at the Iowa State Fair.

Ben

Block and tackle retail politics. Eat a few corn dogs...

Selina

Last thing I need is my picture being taken eating dick-shaped food. I'd rather eat a food-shaped dick.

Selina

So, how's the turnout?

Ben

Well, much like my prostate, mostly black and much larger than we'd like.

Ben

Ma'am, I warned you, you cannot trust the Chinese. I've married enough of them to know that.

Selina

Isn't your wife Korean?

Ben

Maybe. Fog of war.

Selina

My Nobel Prize really makes the point that I've got way more foreign policy experience than that half-wit Kemi.

Ben

I think it's pronounced half-white.

Selina

Eh, tomato, mulatto.

Kent

Ma'am, the White House refuses to get involved in your situation.

Selina

What?

Kent

Although, publicly, Montez has claimed to be considering all options.

Ben

Privately, I hear she's been doing impressions of you getting broomsticked in prison.