DonnaNo, I'm fine with porn - what I'm not fine with is enough porn to keep the entire British forces from missing their girlfriends!
Played by Natalie Casey
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps · 82 quotes
3rd most-quoted character in Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps: in 16 of its 82 quotes
Most scenes with: Louise (7), Janet (5), Gaz (4)
Lines by Donna 5
DonnaDonna[to Gaz] There is to be no dumping. I just think you've got a nice body and I'd like to bounce around on top of it occasionally. None of this boyfriendy girlfriendy stuff.
S1 E2 Spunk
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DonnaNow, let me think. When did I last see my own clout?
S2 E1 On the Blob
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DonnaHot pants from Tesco’s
DonnaThat’s where we get our bestest clothes
Scenes with Donna 11
DonnaYou're scared of sheep?! That's stupid; they can't hurt you.
That's what they want you to think!
S3 E2 Fish
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[to Donna, who is asleep] [In New York accent] Wake up and smell the caw-fee!
Donnaoh, Gaz, I was having the best dream ever then.
Was it about me, the Sugababes and loads of coal?
DonnaNo, I dreamt I was asleep.
Yeah, and?
DonnaYeah, that was it, I was asleep, and then this stupid monkey came in and said [in New York accent] "Wake up and smell the caw-fee!"
Janet, look at me. I'm a lost and lonely man, And I'm all alone in a- sea of nothing, with, with like, nothingness all around me, like a big lonely tyre.
Look, here's twenty quid--
[Snatching the note] --off you pop!
[Janet leaves, Jonny picks up the phone.]
Gaz, pub!
[Transition shows Donna and Louise meet up]
DLDonna and Louise
Dresses, Dresses, Dresses!
[Transition then shows Gaz running out of his flat]
Pub, Pub, Pub, Pub!
[Inside the Wedding dress shop, Louise enters in Janet's chosen wedding dress]
Donna[Gasp] You look like a sweet!
...a sweet what?
DonnaNo, just a sweet, like a Campino, or a truffle. Better than that, you look like a toilet roll cover!
Thank you!
That's a wedding dress...
Janet, we're in a wedding dress shop, what do you expect me to be wearing? The Turin Shroud?
DonnaWell, why don't we [Louise and Donna] try a dress on each for fun, and then you can dress us however you like, like lobsters, or like Pig-women if need be.
I'm not dressing like pig-woman. She was my least favourite Spice Girl.
Donna[Singing to the tune of the wedding march, holding Louise's dress train] Bah-rum-da-dah
Bah-rum-da-dah
Look at Louise in the lovely, lovely dress
You have to sing at the wedding now!
DonnaOh, can I Janet?
Stop it.
DonnaThere's more.
[Singing again]
DonnaCheck out the dress
The dress is great
I think I should try one on... round about now
[Janet is in the wedding shop, trying to preoccupy Louise and Donna so she can find her dress. She calls Donna and Louise over.]
[She shows Donna a tartan dress]
DonnaI didn't know you were Scottish.
Um... well, Jonny is. Or his Dad is. He is um... Jonny McCloud of the Clan McCloud...
DonnaYeah, that was "Highlander".
Anyway, look, I thout it would be really nice for him to see his family's tartan on his wedding day, so, there you go!
But there's only one dress.
In that case, Louise, you can try this on.
[Janet shows Louise a vivid Green dress]
Um... but this isn't Tartan, we won't match.
No, no, that dress has been um... chosen to represent Jonny's love of... green stuff.
DonnaYeah, but, um, Janet?
Yeah?
Donna...These dresses ming.
[Donna and Louise come out in their dresses.]
Donna[reg. Janet] She's mad! What's her first dance going to be? "Agadoo?"
No, she'll choose something about Jonny, like "Johnny B Goode" or "Jilted John".
DonnaOoh, that's clever!
...Or "Jonny Put Your Shoes Back On, You're Making Me Retch."
DonnaNo, I don't know that one.
It's the one I hum to myself whenever I see him.
DonnaDo you think we should tell Janet we hate the dresses?
Um... she's nearly broken me twice this year, merely by looking at me funny.
DonnaLooking at your what?
Donna[About the noisy scouser neighbours who kept them up all night] Four o'clock in the morning...
I know...
DonnaAnd... then they start shagging.
Yeah, You can't begrudge 'em that, it's every man's right.
DonnaYeah, Gaz, it's every man's right to have sex, it's not everyone's right to go... [In high-pitched Liverpool accent] "BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY Oh, ta, that was sound, let's 'ave more Coke... BABY BABY BABY BABY..."
S3 E7 Fockin Mokky Bokka
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