Jonny(Waking up) Rock me, Amadeus.
Played by Ralf Little
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps · 82 quotes
2nd most-quoted character in Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps: in 26 of its 82 quotes
Most scenes with: Gaz (9), Janet (4)
Lines by Jonny 14
JonnyJonnyI'd kiss him.
S1 E2 Spunk
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JonnyMy brain is only strong enough to stop me from farting in front of you.
S1 E4 Angry Wangry
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JonnyYou taste of lard!
S1 E5 Lard
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JonnyI thought you kept the alcohol level in your blood too high to conceive.
S1 E6 Ugly Babies
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JonnyI don't want to be standing by the altar with you an iron lung coughing blood and phlegm at me!
S3 E2 Fish
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Jonny[to Janet, about her excitement about her dress] You don't see me and Gaz jumping around going "ooh, Look at my fancy new pants! They cost me a month's wages and I'm never wearing them again, hooray!"
JonnyAll I'm saying is if you pay a bomb for something, it needs to be used and used and used again until it breaks. Like Gareth Gates.
JonnyBut I’m not comin’ out , I’m stayin’ here.
JonnyAnd get really, wobbly on beer.
JonnyI've no need for a woman , when I’ve got my left hand.
JonnyJust a handy TUB of Vaseline and a picture of my gran.
JonnyBut I don’t want tarts. I want white lightning. there not my mummy. there rather frightening.
JonnyI aint gonna go and have a roll in the hay,
No way, I'll have a fig roll,
Ya dig bro?
Don't wanna go out having fun,
I stay at one with the borbon,
A hob nob, that's the only dog I'm dipping,
I ain't flippin, wanna cookie?
You be tripping.
The ho's say
'try my choc chip treats.'
That ain't sweet,
I ain't no piece of meat,
I want wafer,
You been away for a night,
With a she-dog,
You want a biscuit,
BUT DOG DONT GOT NONE, NO!
JonnyCan you see the philosophy,
Of the desire,
That these biscuits,
They can cause in me?
And my soul will ever be entwined,
With the hole left,
When a mother, however fine,
Tries to share my life,
With my biccy time.
JonnyI got my lovely, crunchy biscuits,
Hell I'll say it once more in case you missed it,
I ain't dunking no girl like a biscuit,
Never gonna change so don't try to twist it.
Yeah!
Scenes with Jonny 12
JonnyMy daughter will want for nothing. She'll have dollies-a-plenty. And bears but no clowns, they scare me. And on a perfect summer's eve, when the sun dances like... Michael Flatley... after our dinner of spaghetti hoops, we shall run like Billy-ho himself, down to a sea so calm it would make Des Lynam look like a big, scary wolfman. She will be the most cherished little girl in the whole world. My little Ferrari.
Jonny, I'm not Pregnant.
JonnyThank fuck for that!
S1 E6 Ugly Babies
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